Comment from Judy Lawless

Excellent

This is a lovely poem, JLR. I can imagine that beautiful night and the peace the narrator must feel, dancing in the starlight at midnight, with only one small request. Silver slippers. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022

Thanks Judy.

reply by Judy Lawless on 17-Oct-2022

You're most welcome, JLR

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This villanelle, Wanting Silver Slippers, has the proper rhyme scheme, but no steady meter or syllable count. Although one might choose a tetrameter or pentameter, it needs to be consistent throughout. As you can see, your poem is not. If you were told the meter didn't matter, for this club project, then it doesn't. Were this a contest, it probably would.

Happy day.

When it comes time to dance in the moonlight 10
more than great music to set the mood 9
I want silver slippers to adorn my feet, all right? 13

No shame comes from not having this birthright. 10
So I shall not be sullen, nor shall you see me brood, 13
when it comes time to dance in the moonlight. 10

My eyes are fixed on the stars above, so bright. 11
The evening breeze carries a soft musical etude. 13
I want silver slippers to adorn my feet, all right? 13

I swirl and twirl beneath the corner streetlight 11
alone, hidden, cocooned in my private quietude, 13
when it comes time to dance in the moonlight. 10

Golden stairs toward heaven appear tonight 11
I dance solo, with no one near or distant viewed. 12
I want silver slippers to adorn my feet, all right? 13

So, little I seek, not much do I ask for, at midnight. 14
Therefore, grant me this simple ask, if not rude ... 11
when it comes time to dance in the moonlight 10
I want silver slippers to adorn my feet, all right! 13

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022

HI Bill, I do understand that this is missing the polish of meter, but this club challenge allowed for flexibly as does this site:

://www.litcharts.com/literary-devices-and-terms/villanelle
"Although villanelles often do use meter, they don't have to use any one type of meter in particular."

Comment from royowen

Excellent

This is an excellent villanelle, I didn't notice if there is a meter code to it, but that doesn't matter, they are hard enough to engineer anyway. You've written very well indeed all the required repeats and been ver inventive in the process, haven't seen you fat awhile Jim, hope you are fine.. great job, bless you, Roy

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 Comment Written 16-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022

Thanks Roy, yes this specific club challenge allowed for flexibility on the meter, and I am well. We had a major move that took me away from my writing for a period of a month. Now moved, and settled in our newly constructed , downsized abode.

reply by royowen on 17-Oct-2022

Looking forward to your fabulous work

Comment from Charles W. Johnson

Excellent

Your poem is my first introduction to a villanelle. This is a wonderful piece. It flows beautifully and I enjoy the repetitive lines that this format requires. I hope you get your silver slippers.

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 Comment Written 16-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022

Charles, please note that this club challenge allowed for some flexibility on what a purist would want to see I a villanelle. But this, link affords a writer some flexibility on this issue. I hope you discover, as I have many new poetic styles to to your pen to, site:

://www.litcharts.com/literary-devices-and-terms/villanelle
"Although villanelles often do use meter, they don't have to use any one type of meter in particular."

Comment from Marienkiefer

Exceptional

I would love a pair of those silver slippers, alright?

Sparkling in your poem:
-Repetition in your use of the word: alright. It feels like a signature poem. It would feel so interesting to see how you would you use this word, alright, as creatively as this, but in your other poems.
-I love the soft musical etude.
-Silver strands repetition leads readers to a magical corner.
Gives a nice finish to poem

I am giving you gold for this silver wonder.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022

I am so very honored to be the gold for this silver slippers Poem. Thank you?🙏🙏🙏🎶🎶🎶