Deadly Storm
The recent tornado28 total reviews
Comment from zanya
Wow this short format of the 5-7-5 really conveys to the reader the powerful impact of a tornado - no need to wonder what happened 'nothing left standing '
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Wow this short format of the 5-7-5 really conveys to the reader the powerful impact of a tornado - no need to wonder what happened 'nothing left standing '
Comment Written 21-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thanks, zanya. This storm was unbelievable.
Comment from pookietoo
A nice photo to go with your poem. I wish you lots of luck in this contest. Happy Holidays and best wishes . Good luck in whatever you decide to write about.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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A nice photo to go with your poem. I wish you lots of luck in this contest. Happy Holidays and best wishes . Good luck in whatever you decide to write about.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Pookie. I hope you live in a safe area.
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I.do
Comment from Mrs. J.B
I really enjoyed reading your poem and even though it was really short I understood what kind of results of the tornado left after appearing. The word alley put me in the mind of a dark narrow pathway between or behind buildings or a path lined with treesushes which meant the tornado claimed its own territory. Then the words "bowls a perfect strike" simply gives the impression that it was so bold that it went after whatever was in its path with much success. "Nothing left standing" definitely gives me chills knowing that even though the worst of the catastrophe was over, the reminder of everything that once stood had been demolished.
I don't see much of a need for revision here but if I change anything I'll change the word "alley" to "lane" which means a narrow road especially in a rural area since the picture appears to show the tornado out in the country rather than in town.
Changing the word I believe will also help give readers a clearer description of what's happening here as "lane" resonates with the words "bowl" and strike" which put you in the mind of how a bowling ball travels and hits all the pins resulting in them being knocked down and creating an domino effect on the ones in close range which is what happened to the trees in the picture.
But yet still this is an outstanding poem that followed the 5. 7, 5 syllable rules!
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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I really enjoyed reading your poem and even though it was really short I understood what kind of results of the tornado left after appearing. The word alley put me in the mind of a dark narrow pathway between or behind buildings or a path lined with treesushes which meant the tornado claimed its own territory. Then the words "bowls a perfect strike" simply gives the impression that it was so bold that it went after whatever was in its path with much success. "Nothing left standing" definitely gives me chills knowing that even though the worst of the catastrophe was over, the reminder of everything that once stood had been demolished.
I don't see much of a need for revision here but if I change anything I'll change the word "alley" to "lane" which means a narrow road especially in a rural area since the picture appears to show the tornado out in the country rather than in town.
Changing the word I believe will also help give readers a clearer description of what's happening here as "lane" resonates with the words "bowl" and strike" which put you in the mind of how a bowling ball travels and hits all the pins resulting in them being knocked down and creating an domino effect on the ones in close range which is what happened to the trees in the picture.
But yet still this is an outstanding poem that followed the 5. 7, 5 syllable rules!
Comment Written 21-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Mrs. JB. I appreciate the review and suggestion
Comment from royowen
We've been hearing about these terrible tornado like storms over several states in the US, how folk have been decimated by these monstrosities of nature, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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We've been hearing about these terrible tornado like storms over several states in the US, how folk have been decimated by these monstrosities of nature, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Roy. Hopefully you are in a safe state.
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I?m in Australia
Comment from bhogg
I liked your post. Very descriptive and timely. My complaint on many of these short form poems is that they don't work without the artwork, in other words, can't speak for themselves. Your artwork is perfect, but the post works well on its own. Bill
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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I liked your post. Very descriptive and timely. My complaint on many of these short form poems is that they don't work without the artwork, in other words, can't speak for themselves. Your artwork is perfect, but the post works well on its own. Bill
Comment Written 21-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Bill. It is sometimes hard to find appropriate artwork.
Comment from R R McIntyre
This is a brilliant poem, albeit with rather tragic subject matter. It's difficult to handle something delicately with only seventeen syllables. You've done a great job of reducing the destructive power of a tornado into something that feels nonchalant and careless, unadorned by flowery language. The sporting metaphor further reduces this terrible force of nature into something almost mundane. It's simple, pure. 'Nothing left standing' in particular is a very powerful closing line that hits hard. Really well done, best of luck for the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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This is a brilliant poem, albeit with rather tragic subject matter. It's difficult to handle something delicately with only seventeen syllables. You've done a great job of reducing the destructive power of a tornado into something that feels nonchalant and careless, unadorned by flowery language. The sporting metaphor further reduces this terrible force of nature into something almost mundane. It's simple, pure. 'Nothing left standing' in particular is a very powerful closing line that hits hard. Really well done, best of luck for the contest.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thanks for the review and kind words.Thanks, Victor.
Comment from victor 66
I grew up in the Midwest where there were a number of tornadoes. I've been extremely lucky not to have encountered one, or my town for that matter. Even if you can hide in a shelter or in your basement, is there very much left when the tornado has passed? Good luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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I grew up in the Midwest where there were a number of tornadoes. I've been extremely lucky not to have encountered one, or my town for that matter. Even if you can hide in a shelter or in your basement, is there very much left when the tornado has passed? Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Victor. I am lucky to live in Maine where tornadoes are rare.
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You are welcome, mystery writer. I?m sure there are some inconveniences in Maine, I just couldn?t tell you what they are.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Oh, your image, Mystery Author, is so ominous. Your words plus it create a terrifying scene. Great job with your syllable count per line,
Best wishes, Jan
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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Oh, your image, Mystery Author, is so ominous. Your words plus it create a terrifying scene. Great job with your syllable count per line,
Best wishes, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Jan. This was a bad one.
