His name was Teddy
It happens29 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Wow, this is an unusual hoorror story but one that builds up so very well. Everybody is taken in. The whole class has come to a stand still. I loved iit. Good luck. Ulla:)))
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Wow, this is an unusual hoorror story but one that builds up so very well. Everybody is taken in. The whole class has come to a stand still. I loved iit. Good luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
Comment from Becky Kern-Taylor
Wow, I don't read many of those stories, but boy that was profound. I was right there with Teddy and Jake. Isn't it awful, that some kids ae treated like that. I think it is getting better though, I think they are trying to single these disturbed kids out. I'm old as dirt and we never had kids like that in my Catholic grade school. Some kids were shy, or obnoxious, or boisterous but rarely were there students that separated themselves from the class.
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Wow, I don't read many of those stories, but boy that was profound. I was right there with Teddy and Jake. Isn't it awful, that some kids ae treated like that. I think it is getting better though, I think they are trying to single these disturbed kids out. I'm old as dirt and we never had kids like that in my Catholic grade school. Some kids were shy, or obnoxious, or boisterous but rarely were there students that separated themselves from the class.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
Comment from judiverse
What a compelling story. What makes it a real horror story is that it takes place in a classroom. One feels so sad for Teddy. My thought was if he had a different name, things might have been different. To survive in a tough world, you need a name that suggests tough. Jake was quite a bully but realized the consequences of what he had done. Apparently, no one saw any warning signs for what Teddy was going to do. Maybe the school and its principal and his teacher failed the boy, but he kept everything inside until his fateful decision. His recital of what had happened to him was very powerful. Great writing, and best of luck in the contest. judi
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What a compelling story. What makes it a real horror story is that it takes place in a classroom. One feels so sad for Teddy. My thought was if he had a different name, things might have been different. To survive in a tough world, you need a name that suggests tough. Jake was quite a bully but realized the consequences of what he had done. Apparently, no one saw any warning signs for what Teddy was going to do. Maybe the school and its principal and his teacher failed the boy, but he kept everything inside until his fateful decision. His recital of what had happened to him was very powerful. Great writing, and best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
Comment from aanneee
Thank you, I think, for the tears from my eyes on this writing of yours, sometimes I am more than thankful for tissues, like right now. So very nicely written but on such a rotten, sad yet, very quite realistic 'today' type subject that makes this reader need tissues. Dinah
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Thank you, I think, for the tears from my eyes on this writing of yours, sometimes I am more than thankful for tissues, like right now. So very nicely written but on such a rotten, sad yet, very quite realistic 'today' type subject that makes this reader need tissues. Dinah
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
Comment from Dawn Munro
Three tiny nits (you know my reviewing style is to point out the typos as I read, right?) But right now I have to say, I am GLUED to this story. It is absolutely riveting! It has everything and then some! (I don't need to mention pace, plot, rich, believable characters and dialogue (etc.) to you... You obviously know!) Poor tormented Teddy! Went to his grave by his own hand... *sigh* ??
Nit 1 - oops - broke my own rule and got carried away with my enthusiasm for your story! I can't find it now. (lol) Tried three times.
Nit 2 - comma not needed after "lead a better life..."
Nit 3 - semi-colon should be a comma here: "...om the other side(,) a peace..."
My only quibble is whether or not his bully would feel such intense remorse.
But wow -- outstanding writing!
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Three tiny nits (you know my reviewing style is to point out the typos as I read, right?) But right now I have to say, I am GLUED to this story. It is absolutely riveting! It has everything and then some! (I don't need to mention pace, plot, rich, believable characters and dialogue (etc.) to you... You obviously know!) Poor tormented Teddy! Went to his grave by his own hand... *sigh* ??
Nit 1 - oops - broke my own rule and got carried away with my enthusiasm for your story! I can't find it now. (lol) Tried three times.
Nit 2 - comma not needed after "lead a better life..."
Nit 3 - semi-colon should be a comma here: "...om the other side(,) a peace..."
My only quibble is whether or not his bully would feel such intense remorse.
But wow -- outstanding writing!
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
Comment from damommy
Teddy killed himself. That was a surprise. I'm thinking it all sent Jake to the insane asylum. There is so much of this going on in schools. Gone are the days of scuffling after school. Now, it's much more serious. The tension you built throughout this story had me guessing all the way about what would happen. I was hooked.
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Teddy killed himself. That was a surprise. I'm thinking it all sent Jake to the insane asylum. There is so much of this going on in schools. Gone are the days of scuffling after school. Now, it's much more serious. The tension you built throughout this story had me guessing all the way about what would happen. I was hooked.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written horror story, although fictional thisv type of tragedy happens too often. The rude bully who gets away with his behaviour until the bullied had enough and take revenge.
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A very well-written horror story, although fictional thisv type of tragedy happens too often. The rude bully who gets away with his behaviour until the bullied had enough and take revenge.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Wow! This is Heavy! A surprise ending that is for sure. Poor Teddy. I know it is a sad thing to be bullied and
when I was in the fifth grade I did something about it. Eugene was bigger than all the other boys, but he liked to bully girls. I had a small friend, Elaine. She had a bad heart was stunted because of it and she wore glasses. She was the only one who wore glasses in the school. He picked on her. "Four eyes" he loved to tease. He made her cry. I gave him a heavy right to the nose and he feel back and hit the ground. It took both the twin Carsnoe boys to get him off me. He nearly choked me to death, but he quit teasing girls after that. LOL True story. The boys called me prize fighter after that for a while.
Good Job! Nancy:)
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Wow! This is Heavy! A surprise ending that is for sure. Poor Teddy. I know it is a sad thing to be bullied and
when I was in the fifth grade I did something about it. Eugene was bigger than all the other boys, but he liked to bully girls. I had a small friend, Elaine. She had a bad heart was stunted because of it and she wore glasses. She was the only one who wore glasses in the school. He picked on her. "Four eyes" he loved to tease. He made her cry. I gave him a heavy right to the nose and he feel back and hit the ground. It took both the twin Carsnoe boys to get him off me. He nearly choked me to death, but he quit teasing girls after that. LOL True story. The boys called me prize fighter after that for a while.
Good Job! Nancy:)
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
Comment from Bill Pinder
This is an interesting fictional horror story. It is a great job of presenting the killers motivation to gain revenge. I only wish that you hadn't included the ending about hoping that he found peace on the other side since that's not possible after someone dies in that condition. Oh well, that's mixing the truth with fiction. Bill
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This is an interesting fictional horror story. It is a great job of presenting the killers motivation to gain revenge. I only wish that you hadn't included the ending about hoping that he found peace on the other side since that's not possible after someone dies in that condition. Oh well, that's mixing the truth with fiction. Bill
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
Comment from Debra White
Hello Lancelot,
Your story is so well told.
Right from the start you had my full attention.
I like how you opened with dialogue and the way you presented the classroom environment and it's occupants. I felt like I was in the room with Mrs Kirsch, Teddy, Jake and the rest.
As the scene/situation progressed, I could sense what was about to happen but I didn't try speed reading to the end to check if I was right (for a change!) you kept me gripped with the back story of what Jake had been putting Teddy through, so the tension and apprehension built inside me as I read towards the climax of the scene.
I'm glad that you didn't spell out exactly what happened but left the details to the imagination... that, to me, is horror ;)
Great ending also - it tied everything up, and it was effective to start and end your story with Mrs Kirsch's thoughts.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra
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Hello Lancelot,
Your story is so well told.
Right from the start you had my full attention.
I like how you opened with dialogue and the way you presented the classroom environment and it's occupants. I felt like I was in the room with Mrs Kirsch, Teddy, Jake and the rest.
As the scene/situation progressed, I could sense what was about to happen but I didn't try speed reading to the end to check if I was right (for a change!) you kept me gripped with the back story of what Jake had been putting Teddy through, so the tension and apprehension built inside me as I read towards the climax of the scene.
I'm glad that you didn't spell out exactly what happened but left the details to the imagination... that, to me, is horror ;)
Great ending also - it tied everything up, and it was effective to start and end your story with Mrs Kirsch's thoughts.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020