Back in the Saddle
Back to writing after an extended absence18 total reviews
Comment from shaffer40
'Back in the Saddle" is a fitting title -- and maybe for you as well, back to writing. I must say your exercise is working. I offer a few suggestions listed below:
incase -- in first paragraph -- should have a space -- two words
"Mrs. Havesham, I presume, " a tall, handsome middle aged man,
motioned her inside.
Need assignation for quote.
Suggest: "Mrs. Havesham, I presume," said a tall, handsome, middle-
aged man, who motioned her inside.
She smiled politely and sat on the edge of the tattered wing back chair. She sat with her spine ramrod straight.
[Avoid repetition of her sitting]
Suggest: She smiled politely and sat with her spine ramrod straight on
edge of the tattered wingback chair.
Omit "very" -- man was handsome -- stronger
His eyebrows raised ever so slightly then nodded.
[Reads as though eyebrows nodded]
Suggest: With raised eyebrows, he nodded.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2019
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'Back in the Saddle" is a fitting title -- and maybe for you as well, back to writing. I must say your exercise is working. I offer a few suggestions listed below:
incase -- in first paragraph -- should have a space -- two words
"Mrs. Havesham, I presume, " a tall, handsome middle aged man,
motioned her inside.
Need assignation for quote.
Suggest: "Mrs. Havesham, I presume," said a tall, handsome, middle-
aged man, who motioned her inside.
She smiled politely and sat on the edge of the tattered wing back chair. She sat with her spine ramrod straight.
[Avoid repetition of her sitting]
Suggest: She smiled politely and sat with her spine ramrod straight on
edge of the tattered wingback chair.
Omit "very" -- man was handsome -- stronger
His eyebrows raised ever so slightly then nodded.
[Reads as though eyebrows nodded]
Suggest: With raised eyebrows, he nodded.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2019
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Thank you for the kind review and the grammatical help. I'll take all that I can get
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You're quite welcome.
Comment from forestport12
Good descriptions. Good sharp and crisp dialogue to keep you in the moment and I so love short chapters. I've thought about doing more of that, not for fanstory sake but just because you can create more anticipation. Welcome back after time off. I've actually had laid out from fantstory off and on for long periods, hence the rumors of my demise I prove untrue. Good kick start for you.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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Good descriptions. Good sharp and crisp dialogue to keep you in the moment and I so love short chapters. I've thought about doing more of that, not for fanstory sake but just because you can create more anticipation. Welcome back after time off. I've actually had laid out from fantstory off and on for long periods, hence the rumors of my demise I prove untrue. Good kick start for you.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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Thank you for the welcome back and glad you are still above ground. Lol. Thanks so much for the review.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image and
good story, GWHargis.
-I think I remember you
from being on FS; I joined in 2015.
-Lots of good description as you
set up the story, especially with
all of the stuff in her purse!
-She is obviously nervous
and also aware of the owner
of the hardware store.
-He is very welcoming to her,
and I don't think he wanted
her to get any more nervous!
-I like her name, too, from
Great Expectations, but that
Miss Havesham was not so pleasant!
-I enjoyed your story.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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-Nice image and
good story, GWHargis.
-I think I remember you
from being on FS; I joined in 2015.
-Lots of good description as you
set up the story, especially with
all of the stuff in her purse!
-She is obviously nervous
and also aware of the owner
of the hardware store.
-He is very welcoming to her,
and I don't think he wanted
her to get any more nervous!
-I like her name, too, from
Great Expectations, but that
Miss Havesham was not so pleasant!
-I enjoyed your story.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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Thank you so much. I was a former fanstorian. Lol. I've been idle far too long. Thank you for the kind review
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You are very welcome. I know you were a former fanstorian. I remember you! Welcome back, and hope this finds you doing well! I have a poem for Sunday if you want to stop by.
Comment from Cindy Warren
I hope she can keep that job. If she doesn't know a nail from a tack, she's going to have fun. But you've got me cheering for her. I know all about being old and obsolete. I don't know much about computers either. It took me a while to learn how to click onto FS.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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I hope she can keep that job. If she doesn't know a nail from a tack, she's going to have fun. But you've got me cheering for her. I know all about being old and obsolete. I don't know much about computers either. It took me a while to learn how to click onto FS.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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Thank you. It's been so long I was so confused at how to format it. Hope it's like riding a bike. Lol. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a heartfelt excercise on trying to catch up with the ratrace I feel. It certainly comes over as fact rather than fiction. I gave it six stars, because I have one left, lol, and the character development was excellent for so few words. As always, I am lost in admiration of this ability.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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This is a heartfelt excercise on trying to catch up with the ratrace I feel. It certainly comes over as fact rather than fiction. I gave it six stars, because I have one left, lol, and the character development was excellent for so few words. As always, I am lost in admiration of this ability.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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Thank you so much for the stars. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I like your 'exercise' as you call it.
Your story is clear and well told.
The narrative is smooth.
Well done and thank you for sharing this little story with us.
I look forward to more.
Sharon
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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I like your 'exercise' as you call it.
Your story is clear and well told.
The narrative is smooth.
Well done and thank you for sharing this little story with us.
I look forward to more.
Sharon
Comment Written 16-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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Thank you very much. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Susan X Smith
This was a cute little story. I read with interest until the end, although I was expecting more of a punchline. Anyway, it interested me that you used the name Mrs. Havesham, because I believe Miss Havesham was a Dickens character that had once been jilted. I wonder if this was just a coincidence.
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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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This was a cute little story. I read with interest until the end, although I was expecting more of a punchline. Anyway, it interested me that you used the name Mrs. Havesham, because I believe Miss Havesham was a Dickens character that had once been jilted. I wonder if this was just a coincidence.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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It was a coincidence, lol. Just think that name lends itself to a prim and proper lady. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Sallyo
act nonchalant
nonchalantly
the til.
till
This is a funny little snippet, which can be read on lots of levels about getting back in various saddles. I know the feeling of being pretty useless for any job market.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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act nonchalant
nonchalantly
the til.
till
This is a funny little snippet, which can be read on lots of levels about getting back in various saddles. I know the feeling of being pretty useless for any job market.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019
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Thank you for your kind review and your helpful hints. I truly appreciate