Comment from Dan Diego

Excellent

Reviewed in the blind:

Great short story for the Kidnapped contest. This will be highly competitive. It resonated with me because I have been in that situation before. I'm empathetic. So, that's what makes this a great read - it is something most parents can relate to.

This is well-written prose. I saw no errors in spelling, punctuation, or grammar.

Thanks for posting.

If you intend to point this story to an audience outside of FS, please consider these notes:

About the only thing I can nitpick is your use of two adverbs (I know, it's trivial in such a good story). Editors out side of FanStory look at adverbs as a shortcut - or the writer "telling" instead of "showing." But, for FanStory, with word limits, your use did not interrupt the flow of the story. Besides, adverbs are legal in the state of California, so you haven't broken any laws. Please note, though, that if you intend to find and audience for this piece outside of FS, consider deleting these two adverbs:

"... questionably answered ..."
"I replied doubtfully ..."

And the last nitpick comes from experience. When you disclosed "A bit of fear..." I remembered an instance when my son got away from us in a Toys R' Us. It was more than a bit of fear. I was near frantic.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018

Thank you so much, Dan, for your review and critique. Appreciate your kind words.
Yes, those darn adverbs. I find it weird that "the writing police" don't like them. LOL. Even Hemingway app called out I used 4 of an allowed 7 or something like that. This made me think, okay, use of a couple adverbs is okay. I hear where you are coming from with regards to outside of FS. Very valuable input, thank you. I'll blame it on the word count limitation, LOL. I tried to establish the tone of voice used. I'll take my lumps. I am glad you liked it.
Take care my friend.
-Dan-

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

Of course those little legs and feet wouldn't reach the ground. Thankfully my daughter would proudly announce she needed a poo! lol

and questionably answered, - not sure about the use of questionably here. usually this means it's dubious.

store in complete lock down - lockdown can be one word here.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018

Thank you so much for your review and critique. Yes, questionably. I was trying to create a tone for his voice. I wondered about that word as well. And thank you for lockdown. Even though, all the spell checkers separate it. Again, I appreciate the feedback. I'll see what I can do in the edit.

Comment from zekeziemann

Excellent

A good, kinda old fashioned story with a wonderful ending. I remember losing my son for a few minutes at the State Fair. Panic City. Well told.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018

Thank you for your review. I appreciate it.

Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear

Excellent

Man thinks the worst happening, a child is kidnapped? Just vanished in a moment; it is a simple thrilling work done; no harm, no loss, the whole is discovered; Jesus saved; it was a thrill read. DR ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018

Thank you for your review and critique. I truly appreciate it.

Comment from oliver818

Excellent

This is a kidnapping story with a happy ending, not always the case I guess. I felt sorry for the little guy until he turned up. Thanks for sharing this and have yourself a really great day

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018

Thank you so much for your review and kind words. I really appreciate it.

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Every parent's worst fear. I hope you told him that in the future he should TELL you when he wants to go somewhere by himself. Phew! Such a relief. :)

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 Comment Written 03-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018

LOL, I had that in the original draft but ran over on word count and removed it. I tell you what, we both kept a much closer eye on him. He is 23 now, and about to become a police officer. Thank you so much for your review.

Comment from Sharon Haiste

Excellent

This is a good entry for the Kidnapped writing prompt.
A good and clear story. I like the happy ending.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018

Thank you so much for your review and kind words. I really appreciate it.