Comment from ciliverde

Excellent

OMG... although I dislike the idea of zombies and everything that goes with it, I laughed at the end of this poem. Why, oh why, is there no bad taste warning? ;)
Just kidding, Craig, this is brilliantly done. So many clever lines.
"What else is hubby gonna say?" - you bet your a__! Well, at least you're not tempted to say she looks fat anymore!
"and here's a thought best left unvoiced" - and yet, you voice it anyway. That's where I started laughing.
I hope you win, I really think this is a winning entry!
Carol

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015

---

reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015

Haha.... thanks Carol, for the wonderful and funny review. I decided I hadn't done nearly enough offending lately, so...

I wonder if I can work that "fat" reference in there somewhere?

Have a great day (evening, whatever it is there)!
Craig.

reply by ciliverde on 05-Dec-2015

If you could work the "fat" comments in there, it would be so funny. Maybe the next one :)

Comment from Glasstruth

Excellent

LOL. What a way to express devotion and marriage vows. The third verse took a drastic turn as it became to be more than a thriller, but a poem of meaning while the entertainment value was maintained. Well crafted. Les

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015

---

reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015

Thanks, Les, for the kind comments, they're much appreciated. Glad it gave you a chuckle. Craig.

Comment from Ricky1024

Excellent

"And as I stand and as I pray....
'For simple times of when Way back was today...
'I think of you mother and smell with glee...
'And hoped you enjoyed the cup...
'OF HEMLOCK TEA!!!
Thanks, nice work here and pic!
Ricky 1024.

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015

---

reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015

Haha nice. Thanks for the kind words, Ricky. Much appreciated, Craig.

Comment from Eric1

Excellent

Hi CD, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, Brilliant and very funny poem about the rotting flesh and the one good eye on your wife, Great rhyming, rhythm and flow should see this do well, I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015

---

reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015

Thank you Eric, for the very kind comments. I'm expecting some stiff competition (oh dear). Thanks for the good wishes too! Craig.

reply by Eric1 on 06-Dec-2015

LOL! You are very welcome my friend.

Comment from AnnieDawn

Excellent

I thought at first I would skip this as there are some I cannot read but I loved the gross humor in your poem. This is a great poem and I see you have entered it into a contest it will give a good run for first place. I loved reading it and have gone back and reread it several times. I like the way you have used minimal punctuation. Great poem and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015

---

reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015

Thank you Annie, for the lovely comments. I'm fully expecting it not to be everyone's cup of tea, but it was a challenge, and I can't ignore those :) Thanks for your good wishes too, much appreciated. Craig.

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

Maybe find a better and more descriptive word than 'silly' (string), with respect, as all the rest of the poem IS very descriptive in a great fun way.

I really haven't checked, but I wonder if 'Cat' is a clue, mystery writer, apart from being a fun satirical line.

I found 'a-ZURE' spoilt the flow, unless we pronounce/emphasise differently. Same stanza, next line, you start with an emphasised syllable which again threw me.

However, the meter is generally excellent.

The MAIN thing is the entertainment factor, and that's the tops - gruesome and great fun, too.

Top post!

Good luck and best wishes, Ray

ADDED - I ONLY JUST REALISED IT'S YOU, CRAIG, WHO IS THE AUTHOR.





This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015

---

reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015

Hi Ray - no mystery, it's not a blind contest.

I was actually taking out the line about "Cat" as you were reviewing.... it's a bit of a joke which not too many would get, so best to dump it, I think.

I'm not sure what to replace "silly string" with - it's actually a brand name, but I'll see if I can come up with something better, or maybe just cap it.

Azure fits the way I say it - "azewer", but I think many people would pronounce it differently, so thanks for pointing that out. I'll change it.

Really appreciate the positive and constructive comments, thanks for your review :)

(Note: I've edited this, as I missed a couple of things at first)

Craig

reply by Domino 2 on 05-Dec-2015

Sorry, Craig, your reply crossed with my addition to my review when I realised YOU were the author. D'OH! ;-)

Being a Brit, I didn't realise 'silly string' was a brand, so maybe write as ['Silly String'] a couple of quick suggestions for extra imagery would be, 'knotted string' or 'lastic string', but maybe they're rubbish. ;-)

Thanks for the very welcome and gracious reply, my friend.

Cheers, Ray.

reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015

Haha.... and my edited reply crossed with yours! Thanks again for the great and valuable input Ray.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

I have to admit that this is highly disturbing, especially the sixth verse. not too sure about erotic though. Heard the expression 'Any hole's a goal!'

Good flow to the piece and great pacing.

good luck.
GMG

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015

---

reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015

Thanks, GMG. I figure anyone who understands parts of this enough to be offended probably shouldn'r be ;-)
Appreciate the comments and good wishes, Craig.