Comment from vapros

Excellent

Yes, indeed, an artful poem to the bearded clam. This is imaginative, graphic and exciting. I enjoyed the imagery and the read. Well done.

v

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2015

Comment from pbroussard209

Excellent

well this is certainly hot and steamy. I don't have to worry about my man today, he has been down for days with a pulled groin, so I guess he can't go looking, unless some chick is into a fat guy with a cane, even then he can't do anything about it, lol.

Good luck.

Trish

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2015

Comment from Benjamin Valencia

Excellent

Hi Lancelot, This was poetically scorching and I'm sure you used the small text to weed out those that might have a heart attack. I was mesmerized by your words in this one. Great ending. I suspect a strong contest winner here. Liquid spice on paper. Cheers.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2015

Comment from ellie6

Excellent

Well, they asked for 'hot' and that's what we're getting. I guess she doesn't need feminine viagra. ( I am reliably informed there is such a thing!) just keep her away from my man.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2015

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

Hot stuff, lancelot. She's insatiable.
Only one suggestion. Where you refer to the woman as she, I think it would be better to keep it all in the first person. For example:
-With my legs spread wide
-I glance to my right

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2015

Thank you. I can't change those, the woman isn't talking in this poem.

reply by barkingdog on 15-Sep-2015

It's the man? Somehow, I missed that. Oops. Sorry.

Carry on.

:)e

Comment from Eric1

Excellent

Hi lancellot, this is an excellent entry for this particular competition, it really does deliver what the prompt said and a whole lot more! I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2015

Comment from Megalips

Excellent

OMG Lance! Whew...that's something! I don't know if 'my loving man' is ready for that...LOL! But that's quite a Halloween Demon you've cooked up, boy! It did take me a second read to get this...the fact that the Demon himself is talking from inside this girl's body...it's like that movie, 'The Exorcist'...but different...VERY different...LOL. You're on my list, Lance...just WOW!

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2015

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

this steamer describes the woman obsessed with sex...often referred to these days as a sexual addiction. The rhyme and meter are skillfully crafted. As a married woman, I wouldn't fear this woman, she doesn't want a man to keep...just to use.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2015

Comment from AnnieDawn

Excellent

Wow, you did write a hot number. It flowed well even though it started out with short lines and gradually advanced to longer ones. An observation of mine that I had trouble with in your poem was the changing of tenses starting out singular and suddenly changing to plural. I reread it keeping it singular and it works very well. Just something to consider. Very good job by the way. Good luck in your contest.

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 Comment Written 14-Sep-2015

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

I like the raw sexuality in this poem. It doesn't hold back and it also does an excellent job of painting a mental image. I'm not embarrassed - rather I found the overall story - above the act - very interesting. Great job.

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 Comment Written 14-Sep-2015