Swirling swallows.
Wending wheeling.83 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very good! This sounds hard to do, but you came up with a beauty, Roy.
Just one thing...
Silly swallows spirit's sag.
SHOULD BE...
Silly swallows' spirits sag.
It means spirits OF the swallows, so SWALLOWS is possessive and gets the apostrophe. SPIRITS are what they possess and is a simple plural word.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
  |
Very good! This sounds hard to do, but you came up with a beauty, Roy.
Just one thing...
Silly swallows spirit's sag.
SHOULD BE...
Silly swallows' spirits sag.
It means spirits OF the swallows, so SWALLOWS is possessive and gets the apostrophe. SPIRITS are what they possess and is a simple plural word.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
-
Thanks Phyllis, for the tip and the lovely review, my appreciation,
Comment from Delahay
Swallow can be somewhat clownish in their antics when they are flitting and fluttering around the sky. I don't think I've ever seen then stalked by a hawk though.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
|
Swallow can be somewhat clownish in their antics when they are flitting and fluttering around the sky. I don't think I've ever seen then stalked by a hawk though.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
-
Thanks, for this wonderfully empathetic review and great comments, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Dianna1975
I really love this. I could actually see this in my head. The alliteration makes it fun to read and I read it three times for the fun of it. The only line that I didn't like as much, was the last one. The word sag felt flat to me given the rest of the action in this poem. However, overall, I thought it was great.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
|
I really love this. I could actually see this in my head. The alliteration makes it fun to read and I read it three times for the fun of it. The only line that I didn't like as much, was the last one. The word sag felt flat to me given the rest of the action in this poem. However, overall, I thought it was great.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
-
Thanks Diana, for the empathetic review and great comments, blessings, Roy.
Comment from TPAC
Cute. Very appealing in presentation grabbing the heart of the reader with thought-provoking descriptive statement of happiness. I found a good read.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
|
Cute. Very appealing in presentation grabbing the heart of the reader with thought-provoking descriptive statement of happiness. I found a good read.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
-
Thanks for the empathetic review and great comments, blessings, Roy.
Comment from tfawcus
Very good! More than one alliteration per line - what a bonus! Something of the essence of the swallow here; your poem manages to suggest something of the effect of their haphazard flight patterns - no doubt adopted in case of hovering hawks! Congratulations on your win!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
|
Very good! More than one alliteration per line - what a bonus! Something of the essence of the swallow here; your poem manages to suggest something of the effect of their haphazard flight patterns - no doubt adopted in case of hovering hawks! Congratulations on your win!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
-
Thanks Tony for this excellent review and encouraging comments, blessings, Roy.
Comment from evilynne
I am really bad with things like syllables and poetic formats, but your poem is descriptive and well written. I wish you best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
|
I am really bad with things like syllables and poetic formats, but your poem is descriptive and well written. I wish you best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
-
Thanks Evilynne, for the empathetic review and great comments, blessings, Roy.
Comment from judiverse
This is great, and congratulations on your alliterisen contest win. Excellent choice of alliterative words, and you get in wonderful rhyme as well. The "ing" words add to the image of the movements and sounds of the swallows. Action verbs really work for you. You add some drama with the hawks appearing. They're some competition. judi
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
|
This is great, and congratulations on your alliterisen contest win. Excellent choice of alliterative words, and you get in wonderful rhyme as well. The "ing" words add to the image of the movements and sounds of the swallows. Action verbs really work for you. You add some drama with the hawks appearing. They're some competition. judi
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
-
Thanks Judi, for this great review, I'm so pleased you liked it, blessings, Roy.
-
You're very welcome. judi
Comment from DALLAS01
What a delightful read. It tells a little story in a a precise form that is both music to the ear and a visual treat. You have created some genuine harmony with you alliterative choices.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
|
What a delightful read. It tells a little story in a a precise form that is both music to the ear and a visual treat. You have created some genuine harmony with you alliterative choices.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
-
Thanks, for this great review, nice comments, I'm so pleased you liked it, blessings, Roy.
-
You're welcome
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Wow! That's a bit of a tongue twister.
Can you imagine the difficulties down at the local on a Friday night. Lol.
Spring must surely be close because these frantic little birds are driving me nuts. Their constant twittering, flying and messing-I can surely do without.
Alliteration personified. So very well done.
:-) Shirley
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
|
Wow! That's a bit of a tongue twister.
Can you imagine the difficulties down at the local on a Friday night. Lol.
Spring must surely be close because these frantic little birds are driving me nuts. Their constant twittering, flying and messing-I can surely do without.
Alliteration personified. So very well done.
:-) Shirley
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
-
Thanks Shirley, for this great review, nice comments, I'm so pleased you liked it, blessings, Roy.
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem is well deserving of the win. Congrats.
It gives a strong image of the bird whirling in the sky hunting for their dinners.
and trying not to become some other bird's dinner.
You used more alliteration than needed which I liked for I adore alliteration.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2015
|
This poem is well deserving of the win. Congrats.
It gives a strong image of the bird whirling in the sky hunting for their dinners.
and trying not to become some other bird's dinner.
You used more alliteration than needed which I liked for I adore alliteration.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 15-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2015
-
Thanks Jjoan, for the great review and your empathetic review, I appreciate it, blessings, Roy,
-
No problem, Roy.
Joan