The Duke of Vanterelle
A dark tale of evil and revenge49 total reviews
Comment from LeannaP
Excellent piece!
I think this piece truly takes the cake for being completely honest.
It serves well to its readers. I felt so engaged with it.
I think all poems should be more like this one
It also has great cadence when read aloud.
The line:My wife and I did dwell.
Though our life was hard, we had scant regard
For we loved and we loved right well.
is so enriching as it sheds light on how you are so humble
great read
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Excellent piece!
I think this piece truly takes the cake for being completely honest.
It serves well to its readers. I felt so engaged with it.
I think all poems should be more like this one
It also has great cadence when read aloud.
The line:My wife and I did dwell.
Though our life was hard, we had scant regard
For we loved and we loved right well.
is so enriching as it sheds light on how you are so humble
great read
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Leanna, thanks for the great review - I am glad you enjoyed my tale.
Steve
Comment from MelB
This tells a great take with an unexpected twist at the end. This has great flow, rhyme, and wonderfully descriptive lines. This should be a good contender for the contest.
Best wishes in the share a story contest.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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This tells a great take with an unexpected twist at the end. This has great flow, rhyme, and wonderfully descriptive lines. This should be a good contender for the contest.
Best wishes in the share a story contest.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Mel, thanks so much for the kind words and the six shiny stars - much appreciated.
Steve
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Your welcome!
Comment from nancyjam
This was such a joy to read. Excellent rhyme and meter that flows
smoothly.
Vivid images and descriptive language.
i like the end twist.
This should do well in the contest. I wish you the best. Nancy
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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This was such a joy to read. Excellent rhyme and meter that flows
smoothly.
Vivid images and descriptive language.
i like the end twist.
This should do well in the contest. I wish you the best. Nancy
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Nancy, thanks so much for the generous review and the six stars. The ending even surprised me a bit!
Steve
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello Steve,
This a great little story full of drama, action, revenge and redemption.
I enjoyed the time frame and the characters you developed through the write. The imagery was solid and the settings well designed as the story played out.
I liked your ending with the child of the injured parents taking the title of Duke of Vanterelle.
Best of luck for your splendid entry, Bill
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Hello Steve,
This a great little story full of drama, action, revenge and redemption.
I enjoyed the time frame and the characters you developed through the write. The imagery was solid and the settings well designed as the story played out.
I liked your ending with the child of the injured parents taking the title of Duke of Vanterelle.
Best of luck for your splendid entry, Bill
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Bill - glad you enjoyed.
I wasn't sure about the ending - it's a bit far-fetched I suppose, but suitable irony.
Steve
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Far-fetched? Maybe, but the world is full of strange occurrences, so who's to say?
It was still a well conceived poem and the body carries the piece.
I guess we'll know how the committee liked in a few days, (smile)!
Best of luck, Bill
Comment from jaeladarling
Oh, what a twisted fate! Maybe I can imagine he wasn't an evil duke. Ugh! Wonderfully written though - a pleasure to read. Thanks so much for sharing!
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Oh, what a twisted fate! Maybe I can imagine he wasn't an evil duke. Ugh! Wonderfully written though - a pleasure to read. Thanks so much for sharing!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Jaela, thanks so much for the warm review and the six stars - much appreciated.
Steve
Comment from L.M.Mullins
I am always stingy with my six's but this deserves one just on the craftsmanship alone. Your rhymes were perfect from start to finish in this long narrative piece. The story held my interest from beginning to end. Exceptional work.
LM
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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I am always stingy with my six's but this deserves one just on the craftsmanship alone. Your rhymes were perfect from start to finish in this long narrative piece. The story held my interest from beginning to end. Exceptional work.
LM
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thank you so much for parting with one of the precious sixers - I agree, they should be saved for something really special, so I'll accept that as a great compliment.
Steve
Comment from flamingstar
Fantastically well done. I knew there would be some kind of twist when the duke said she'd died in childbirth but you'd had only 7 months' recovery before you took your revenge. Congratulations in advance!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Fantastically well done. I knew there would be some kind of twist when the duke said she'd died in childbirth but you'd had only 7 months' recovery before you took your revenge. Congratulations in advance!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Yep, so seven months means it's definitely my child, not the Duke's. You will just have to imagine how he got to inherit the title!
Thanks for the kind words - no chicken-counting with these contests!
Steve
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Steve - This is an extremely well written story in a poem. Your abcb rhyme scheme and the internal rhymes are perfect. The story line is very good and the poem flows along and is easy to read. As I read, it brought to my mind 'The Highwayman' by Alfred Noyes, which is one of my favourite poems. His main characters also came to a sad end and though the story is different there is a ring about it and yours. You should do well in the contest - good luck - warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Hi Steve - This is an extremely well written story in a poem. Your abcb rhyme scheme and the internal rhymes are perfect. The story line is very good and the poem flows along and is easy to read. As I read, it brought to my mind 'The Highwayman' by Alfred Noyes, which is one of my favourite poems. His main characters also came to a sad end and though the story is different there is a ring about it and yours. You should do well in the contest - good luck - warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Dorothy, thanks for the warm revie and the six stars.
Several reviewers have compared it to 'The Highwayman' and I do know that poem quite well. I actually borrowed the rhyme scheme and meter from a humorous poem by Robert Service.
Steve
Comment from Nosha17
Interesting story about a naughty duke who stole someone else's wife. I liked your rhyming and different metre, it worked well in this poem. Good story line and interesting characters. Most enjoyable, good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Interesting story about a naughty duke who stole someone else's wife. I liked your rhyming and different metre, it worked well in this poem. Good story line and interesting characters. Most enjoyable, good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Thanks for the kind words, Faye.
Steve
Comment from Jackarrie
I am so pleased to have a six for this story/poem. It is so well written and it rhymes and flows, yet the story is just brilliant.
I love the culmination of the wonderful story.
But my wife and I in the churchyard lie
Where the townsfolk like to tell
How our child survived, how he lived and thrived ...
To be Duke of Vanterelle.
Good luck in the contest
Mary
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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I am so pleased to have a six for this story/poem. It is so well written and it rhymes and flows, yet the story is just brilliant.
I love the culmination of the wonderful story.
But my wife and I in the churchyard lie
Where the townsfolk like to tell
How our child survived, how he lived and thrived ...
To be Duke of Vanterelle.
Good luck in the contest
Mary
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Mary, thanks so much for the great review.
Actually, I was a little worried that the ending might be considered a little corny, so I am glad you liked it.
Steve