College Daze
Do you remember those hot days?20 total reviews
Comment from dennis0530
Those hot days got many burned. For many, their curiosity almost killed them. Those were the days of sexual experimentation and like many experimentations, many failures happened and many came unexpectedly with unexpected results.
But the brashness of youth is always coupled with "come hell or high water" attitude. Charge it all to experience and pay the bill when the time comes.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Those hot days got many burned. For many, their curiosity almost killed them. Those were the days of sexual experimentation and like many experimentations, many failures happened and many came unexpectedly with unexpected results.
But the brashness of youth is always coupled with "come hell or high water" attitude. Charge it all to experience and pay the bill when the time comes.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much. Yes, but some us had the best times of our lives.
Comment from scd41
No one should neither brand you as lubricious for writing the piece nor blame us for our reading or reviewing it as we are all adults. You have shown coolness and restraint of your mind in desribing such hot scenes. It is a different matter that your imagination might have gone too wild. To have sex in a cafetaria even when the desire is uncontrollable is possible but not probable. We need not be unduly perturbed about the jury which is out to find out 'if life follows art or art follows life'. Our lives at this age cannot follow art and so we are safe.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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No one should neither brand you as lubricious for writing the piece nor blame us for our reading or reviewing it as we are all adults. You have shown coolness and restraint of your mind in desribing such hot scenes. It is a different matter that your imagination might have gone too wild. To have sex in a cafetaria even when the desire is uncontrollable is possible but not probable. We need not be unduly perturbed about the jury which is out to find out 'if life follows art or art follows life'. Our lives at this age cannot follow art and so we are safe.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow, that's wild, all right. Those two would really behave like that in a public cafeteria? (LOL) I guess if flirting REALLY got out of hand (no pun intended - okay, a LITTLE pun intended. :)
Some edits:
1) "...just where (have) your little pink lips..."<< "lips" is plural, so it's "have" - it would be "has" if you'd written "mouth">> singular
2)"...mushroom-(like)<3) "...down its (thick)..." << misspelled
Sizzling.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Wow, that's wild, all right. Those two would really behave like that in a public cafeteria? (LOL) I guess if flirting REALLY got out of hand (no pun intended - okay, a LITTLE pun intended. :)
Some edits:
1) "...just where (have) your little pink lips..."<< "lips" is plural, so it's "have" - it would be "has" if you'd written "mouth">> singular
2)"...mushroom-(like)<
Sizzling.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much
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You're welcome.
Comment from chasennov
Do you remember those hot days? "College Daze" This is a fair expression of sexual interest and reminded me of my college days, however, females were not that brash when I was around them. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Do you remember those hot days? "College Daze" This is a fair expression of sexual interest and reminded me of my college days, however, females were not that brash when I was around them. Well done.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much
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You are welcome.
Comment from drivenbackward
An interesting ride. Definitely had me engaged. A few notes to consider:
"So, Red," Derick turned to face his cousin's redheaded roommate, "just where has your little pink lips been?" -- Period after 'Red' and 'roommate'. Then, 'Just' inside quotations. No speech tag there.
Jen could feel her heart race, as she gazed into Derick's brown eyes -- No comma needed.
Becomes a big, thick, Tootsie Roll to me," -- End with a period, no?
mushroom like -- Needs hyphen.
Fear, instantly shot into her heart, -- Consider deleting first comma.
she asked gazing into the softness of his eyes. -- Comma after 'asked'
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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An interesting ride. Definitely had me engaged. A few notes to consider:
"So, Red," Derick turned to face his cousin's redheaded roommate, "just where has your little pink lips been?" -- Period after 'Red' and 'roommate'. Then, 'Just' inside quotations. No speech tag there.
Jen could feel her heart race, as she gazed into Derick's brown eyes -- No comma needed.
Becomes a big, thick, Tootsie Roll to me," -- End with a period, no?
mushroom like -- Needs hyphen.
Fear, instantly shot into her heart, -- Consider deleting first comma.
she asked gazing into the softness of his eyes. -- Comma after 'asked'
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from c_lucas
Nothing is off limits in today's world. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very intresting read.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Nothing is off limits in today's world. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very intresting read.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much.
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You're welcome, Lancellot. Charlie
Comment from JaySee
Wow! You weren't kidding about it being mature reading. Makes me want to go back to college! And, a very interesting use of, and take on, the Tootsie Roll song. Quite unique! I met a girl in the college cafeteria that I was with for ten years, but even though she worked there, we never had such an um, interesting time in the cafeteria... I enjoyed the story very much...found myself blushing a little. The story made me think of the redhead that I dated for a while in college. Ah, memories. Great story with very effective use of imagery.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Wow! You weren't kidding about it being mature reading. Makes me want to go back to college! And, a very interesting use of, and take on, the Tootsie Roll song. Quite unique! I met a girl in the college cafeteria that I was with for ten years, but even though she worked there, we never had such an um, interesting time in the cafeteria... I enjoyed the story very much...found myself blushing a little. The story made me think of the redhead that I dated for a while in college. Ah, memories. Great story with very effective use of imagery.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much
Comment from amahra
This should have been called erotic fiction. Not that I'm complaining. LOL
Sarah waved as she walked out[ no comma], and left them alone in the cafeteria.
"I thought the line goes, black is beautiful."[I [think] the line goes] or [I thought the line [went] etc...]
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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This should have been called erotic fiction. Not that I'm complaining. LOL
Sarah waved as she walked out[ no comma], and left them alone in the cafeteria.
"I thought the line goes, black is beautiful."[I [think] the line goes] or [I thought the line [went] etc...]
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Thank you. I think you are right.
Comment from Jay Squires
Interesting, Lancellot. I don't know how you kept this out of the Mature rating.
You didn't edit this very well, my friend. I had to dock you a star for the SPAG. But, if you let me know you've made the corrections, I'll return it.
Jennifer laughed so hard she almost chocked on her Sprite. [almost CHOKED...]
Jen slip one slender finger into her mouth, [Jen SLIPPED]
erect penis from it fat mushroom like head, [from ITS fat...]
Let me know when the corrections are made.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Interesting, Lancellot. I don't know how you kept this out of the Mature rating.
You didn't edit this very well, my friend. I had to dock you a star for the SPAG. But, if you let me know you've made the corrections, I'll return it.
Jennifer laughed so hard she almost chocked on her Sprite. [almost CHOKED...]
Jen slip one slender finger into her mouth, [Jen SLIPPED]
erect penis from it fat mushroom like head, [from ITS fat...]
Let me know when the corrections are made.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Think you are right. Thank you for seeing what I did not. I will fix those.
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Let me know when it's done.
Comment from adewpearl
Keep it down, you guys - add comma for direct address
I like the teasing banter of the friends
and then the sexual innuendo in the flirting
are you all talk? - add question mark
Derrick, looked at her eyes - drop the comma
you describe effectively how much she enjoys making him hot and bothered
she took his none sticky hand - non-sticky
shouldn't you be doing something other than occupying my worker? - add question mark
the dinner crown comes in - crowd
That definitely was the wild side LOL
Lord, I'm getting old :-)
Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Keep it down, you guys - add comma for direct address
I like the teasing banter of the friends
and then the sexual innuendo in the flirting
are you all talk? - add question mark
Derrick, looked at her eyes - drop the comma
you describe effectively how much she enjoys making him hot and bothered
she took his none sticky hand - non-sticky
shouldn't you be doing something other than occupying my worker? - add question mark
the dinner crown comes in - crowd
That definitely was the wild side LOL
Lord, I'm getting old :-)
Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much. I will fix those right away.
