Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

You transported me to this lakeside scene as evening overtook the day. I enjoyed the double 5-7-5 format. You followed the contest's instructions to the letter. Best wishes in the competition. Hugs and happy weekend- Joan

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014

thanks Joan for the great review, Mary

Comment from Smoothiecool

Excellent

good luck in the contest

you follow the contest prompt

your few words portray the lake and its surrounds

good visual for both

cheers Smoothiecool

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014

thanks for your review, Mary

reply by Smoothiecool on 06-Sep-2014

most welcome..SC >.Faye

Comment from NurseBarb

Excellent

Your Haiku is beautifully written with vivid imagery allowing the reader to understand the beauty this brook has to offer. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014

thanks for your review, Mary

Comment from Jumbo J

Excellent

Hi Mary,
mmmmm, how do I say how much I love your creative language and the way you have captured a moment in time... and yet state that there could be a problem with meeting the requirements to the prompt? mmmmmm... look, don't get me wrong, I stopped doing the prompt thing as there was always someone willing to jump in and say..."that's not what the prompt said"...so I'm not convinced that river or brook is equivalent to lake or pond... both of your references are of a moving entity of water... lake or pond has a body of water feel... hey don't know if I'm right or not, just saying... and while I am saying... I still loved what you did here, it was stunning, so lets hope I'm wrong, which is always on the cards... good luck dear friend.

With our thoughts we create,
a moment in time,
James xx

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014

Hi James I have changed it to a different double haiku about a lake, you may want to read it, Mary

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Your stanzas are both in good 5/7/5 syllable count, but I want to alert you that the contest has to be about a lake/pond, not a river/brook
There is even a thread in the contest page where the contest sponsor specifically states - no rivers, so you need to change that before they disqualify you :-)
You have excellent descriptive detail and strong sensory appeal
I'm giving this a 4 just to make sure you see my warning - as soon as you revise it to be a lake/pond, let me know and I'll up your rating :-) Brooke
rating raised for revision :-)

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014

thanks Brooke I have changed the whole double haiku, Mary

reply by adewpearl on 06-Sep-2014

I just raised the rating :-)

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Mary;
Both of your poems are stunning and very rich in imagery which was very descriptive and eloquently expressive throughout the writings.
You favorably of one my attention as I read this most vigorously and attentively. I enjoyed reading them very much for they cast a vision in my mind so clear.
Good luck in the contest for this is an excellent entry in May the Lord be with you always Mary.
Alex

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014

thanks alex I have changed it,for your review, Mary

reply by krys123 on 06-Sep-2014

You are so sincerely welcome Mary.
Alex

Comment from baustian64

Excellent

I like this very much. Then I love birds and watching them is a joy. The Kingfisher is one of my favorites although you don't see him to often.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014

thanks for your review, I had to change it to lake etc. Mary

Comment from gazzagodbod

Excellent

my favourite birds those and robins loved to sit watching them and i loved your poem well done my friend and thank you xxgazzagodbodxx

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014

thanks for your review, I had to change it, Mary

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Good job with the prompt. I like the descriptive words of the kingfisher. I like the theme you chose. I would not change anything. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014

thanks for the review, but I had to change it, you may like to read it now. Mary

Comment from Ranwolf

Excellent

Sensational work. Perfect 5-7-5-5-7-5 count. I can see the picture. As a nature lover it brings great pleasure reading this kind of writing. Keep up the great work.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Sep-2014

I am so pleased that you enjoyed my double haiku, Mary