war's toll extended
contest entry-dbl 5-7-530 total reviews
Comment from madhatter1977
Hi Mikey, I've seen 3 of these now and they look very tough! I think you've captured a really good poem here, though I wasn't sure of winter seeing nothing, unless snow covers the river or the child dies? I enjoyed it a lot. Best wishes, Pete :)
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Hi Mikey, I've seen 3 of these now and they look very tough! I think you've captured a really good poem here, though I wasn't sure of winter seeing nothing, unless snow covers the river or the child dies? I enjoyed it a lot. Best wishes, Pete :)
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Yes. Just like you said. Winter kind of covering the whole thing up much like humans turn their heads and pretend something isn't there. mikey
Comment from ravenblack
Wars toll extended- this one resonates, the feel of the aimless canoe, the child- I think- hanging from the tree. And winter a cold witness. I keep thinking of the massacre of a Native American village.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Wars toll extended- this one resonates, the feel of the aimless canoe, the child- I think- hanging from the tree. And winter a cold witness. I keep thinking of the massacre of a Native American village.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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You have it right on the money. Thank you so much. I was afraid that no one would get it. That is a good image it conjures up for you. It could be one of many, but the feeling is the main thing. Awesome! mikey
Comment from Charlene0513
To michealcahill,
Silence is golden as a trail of lapping eights curls themselves while a youngster delights at its sight.
Snow doesn't stand a chance with the sun so high in the sky.
Charlene
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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To michealcahill,
Silence is golden as a trail of lapping eights curls themselves while a youngster delights at its sight.
Snow doesn't stand a chance with the sun so high in the sky.
Charlene
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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That is quite beautifully put. Wow. The review is more poetic than the piece!! Thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from Acquired Taste
Michael, I had to work for this one - I read then reread twice more, slowly and with deep hope of understanding this creative offering..... It might have helped had I read the contest rules before reading your work. Anyway, love the offering - winter sees nothing is so much better than my - old man winter went blind.
Good luck...Jean
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Michael, I had to work for this one - I read then reread twice more, slowly and with deep hope of understanding this creative offering..... It might have helped had I read the contest rules before reading your work. Anyway, love the offering - winter sees nothing is so much better than my - old man winter went blind.
Good luck...Jean
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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I know this was pretty vague. I know what I was going for, but I know too that it was expecting quite a stretch for the reader to read my mind to figure out what it was! I do have my glasses on has winter takes over though... mikey
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...and that's a good thing! Jean
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, this 34 syllables in 6 lines writing prompt entry is very creative and uniquely different. The personifications of the seasonal shift takes no prisoners. Well done, my friend. All the best in the contest. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Mikey, this 34 syllables in 6 lines writing prompt entry is very creative and uniquely different. The personifications of the seasonal shift takes no prisoners. Well done, my friend. All the best in the contest. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Glad you liked this. It is pretty obscure and I'm asking for a lot of mind reading I know. Hahaha. Thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from adewpearl
Your lines are in good 5/7/5 syllable count in both stanzas
excellent alliteration throughout
vivid descriptive detail
good assonance in spies/silence
you create mood effectively
You change to past tense in your final line, which is prohibited
Brooke
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Your lines are in good 5/7/5 syllable count in both stanzas
excellent alliteration throughout
vivid descriptive detail
good assonance in spies/silence
you create mood effectively
You change to past tense in your final line, which is prohibited
Brooke
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Yes! You are so right. Duh! I do have this strange scenario in my head where Winter is being interrogated on the scene and responds, "I saw nothing". Hahaha. Of course, no one is going to make that giant leap! I changed it for those that can't read my mind. Thank you very much. Beat the committee to it I think.
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that is my goal in life, to spoil the committee's fun by catching all the contest mistakes before they can LOL
Comment from mauial
Beautifully written poem. Good alliteration with bent boughs and good imagery with ripples tell their tale. However, I don't understand how the title relates to the poem.
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Beautifully written poem. Good alliteration with bent boughs and good imagery with ripples tell their tale. However, I don't understand how the title relates to the poem.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from Ekim777
There seems to be too many rules to this contest. Still two apt Haikus have emerged with some bright images. However I am disappointed by the inadequate cadence and rhythm. Allow me to give an irrelevant example; "The moon was a ghostly galleon/Tossed upon cloudy seas." -Ekim777
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There seems to be too many rules to this contest. Still two apt Haikus have emerged with some bright images. However I am disappointed by the inadequate cadence and rhythm. Allow me to give an irrelevant example; "The moon was a ghostly galleon/Tossed upon cloudy seas." -Ekim777
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from rrabinow
I like the line aimless canoe drifts. Great descriptive words used in your poem. They created the picture I say in my mind. I like how you formatted your poem, as well as the flow. Best of luck.
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I like the line aimless canoe drifts. Great descriptive words used in your poem. They created the picture I say in my mind. I like how you formatted your poem, as well as the flow. Best of luck.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from sgalletti
Your entry is very different and unique from others in the booth. I really like the imagery and the metaphor. This is an interesting prompt and there are some excellent entries. I didn't count syllables, but did look for the poetic devices in the two three line poems as well as the attention to the imagery as described in the prompt. You did an excellent job. Good luck in the contest. Sue
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Your entry is very different and unique from others in the booth. I really like the imagery and the metaphor. This is an interesting prompt and there are some excellent entries. I didn't count syllables, but did look for the poetic devices in the two three line poems as well as the attention to the imagery as described in the prompt. You did an excellent job. Good luck in the contest. Sue
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014