Comment from Sean A. Chai

Excellent

Excellent piece of horror writing. The jury of victims is so very well woven in with a punishment befitting the crime. Reminds me of "The Crow" as well. I have to say I would be surprised if Ben didn't recognize Rose considering what he did to her. Or was the "summons" not of his design? He went to sleep one night and woke up the next day tied to the chair?

Mention of the phantom pains worked well, as though emphasizing the vengeful ghosts. Often, anesthetizing the nerves prior to ligation alleviates phantom pains (optic and oculomotor in this case), but the punishment wouldn't be nearly so "just" without the pain.

Just out of curiosity, when Rose begins to list victims, she states, "Lisa Biggles; age twelve. You watched her for days, sitting at her bus stop, waiting on the school bus. Her mother had the flu the day you took her and didn't feel well enough to sit there waiting. It's a safe neighborhood where nothing bad ever happens. But, you changed that for everyone. You brought a lot of excitement into poor Laura Biggles life." Are Lisa and Laura two separate girls, or is this a typo?

Is there any significance to the name "Pfizer?" First thing I think of is a pharmaceutical company.

Excellent writing. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014

Thanks so much, Sean, I truly appreciate your very indepth review and break-down of this story. I love reviews such as yours, they let me know the reader actually read the story and I appreciate that!

Now, to answer your query, yes, Laura is little Lisa Biggle's mother, poor woman.

Thanks so much again, my friend. I sincerely appreciate it!

Comment from hari anand

Exceptional

So, until then, horror hounds... Pleasant Screams, I love the end...well I enjoyed reading It, the concept, presentation and your wtiting skills are amazing, Best of luck, truly exceptional.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014

Wow, thank you, Hargunanand, my friend, for such a wonderful compliment. I'm glad you took it for exactly what it was, just a campy, "B" movie type creature feature. I sincerely appreciate both what you said, as well as the most generous rating.

Thanks so much again!

Comment from ravenblack

Excellent

1st person singular works very well here...mystery writer (hah!). Until we know the- I hesitate to use the term- victim's name, it is as if the reader is sitting in that chair. Great interludes too by your ghoulish clown. And talk about a perfect profession to get away with murder- a prosecuting attorney. Well, he did get a trial by jury in the end - 11 victims plus Rose equals twelve angry undead hens. And with those garden sheets- poor Ben, sob sob- I'm sure it was not a hung jury. You pulled out all the stops with this one. Sorry I don't have a six.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014

Hey, do you realize, rb, that you have been the only one to point out the significance of why I chose 12 victims going at Ben in the chair? You nailed it, buddy! They were his jury, and his executioners, and rightly so. I'm impressed. But, I usually am when I read your poetry too, so what else is new, LOL?

No sixes are necessary, my friend. I am out of the blasted things already myself, and here it is only Wednesday.

Loved the "hung jury" pun, that was g-o-o-o-o-d. And, you're right. It's not hung anymore.

Thanks for the excellent review and great feedback, rb. I really appreciate it.

Comment from nomi338

Excellent

I am not normally a horror fan, but I was thoroughly entertained by this gory horror fest. I am not a vindictive sort at heart, but I find it difficult to find fault with the punishment doled out to the lying lawyer. Some might ask, are there any other kinds of lawyers? This is a very well written piece. In fact I might even say that this was sneaky good. It is certainly much better than I expected it to be. Bravo!

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014

Whew, coming from you, that means a lot to me, Nomi. I realize that horror isn't exactly your "cup of tea' when it comes to your reading choices. But the fact that you're not particularly fond of horror, yet still had fun with reading it and recognizing it for the campy, "B" movie type setting that it is make me extremely happy. Now I feel like all of those late-night edits and writing sprees to get it done in time were well worth it!

Thanks for such excellent feedback, and your wonderful comments.

Comment from jmdg1954

Exceptional

Crap -o- crap -o- crap !!!!

Thanks for the warning at the beginning! This is one of the goriest pieces I've read in quite some time. Probably ever. But I had to read this because I have a good sense of who wrote it and that author is one extremely talented writer. Quite evident here!

Excellent, well done, writing and graphics! John

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014

Thanks, John, and I told myself recently there'd be no more "Mr. Nice Guy" when it came to writing horror. True, horror isn't all about blood, guts, and gore. The best and most terrifying tales are the ones that get inside your head and make you feel as if you need a shower after reading it. At least, that's my opinion.

I'm really glad you liked this, John. It has run the gamut of the FanStory celestial heavens, getting anywhere from two-star ratings, all the way to sixes. I'll agree, it's not for everyone. But, they can't say I didn't warn them!

Thanks so much again, my friend. :}

Comment from James Dooney

Excellent

yes yes ! excellent stuff here. I love how graphic this wise. You warned us all so no whining allowed ! Great work here !

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014

Thanks, James, I'm very glad you liked it. :}

Comment from BlueFlag

Exceptional

Thai was gory and pictures added to the scariest of this work
and made it worthy of
6 very big stars
And I usually don't like horror like the boyfriend does
so hang around for ribbons

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014

Thanks so much, BlueFlag. Maybe you enjoyed it because it made you harken back to those good old days of television, when horror hosts had cheesy, "B" movies on their late-late shows. That's the feeling I tried to create here.

Anyway, I'm overjoyed that you enjoyed it, especially since horror isn't exactly you're cup of tea! That means a great deal to me.

Thanks again, for the review, the rating...for everything! Much obliged.~

reply by BlueFlag on 10-Jul-2014

your welcome very much

Comment from Cin

Excellent

Love it - the style kept me riveted and I very definitely found it to be eerie, creepy, chilling -- even horrifying -- never boring, in a macabre fascinating way. Well done.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014

Thank you, Cin. I know it's an unusual style and point of view. I've only seen one other story written in this manner, and it blew me away. I tried to recreate that same feeling here in this story for others.

Thanks so much again for you kind review and comments. Both are greatly appreciated.

Comment from Green Lake Girl

Exceptional

Wow! Very good piece of writing here. An excellent response to the contest. I read the warning preceding this ghoulish tale last night and decided to read it while the sun was shining! (Seriously!)

You've penned the scene so well; the scene of revenge, the ultimate last word. Your Ben is so easily hated. The eyeless ghost girl is perfect. Witty, sarcastic, mean and funny. Wonderful characteristics for someone exacting revenge. Creative format with the insertion of commercials. This story has it all! Well executed; bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Small things:

"Tonights terror tid-bid" (Should it be tonight's? Tid-bid: should be tid-bit?)


she's used to being kicked like that

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014

I can't tell you how giddy I become when I get a review that begins with the simple word "Wow!". Like a kid at Christmas, I am!

As for you catching those typos for me, I truly appreciate it. I can read my own work a hundred times during the editing process, and yet, I always manage to overlook something. So, I rely upon keen reviews, like yourself, to help me out.

I truly appreciate you taking time out to read this, I realize it's rather lengthy. That's why I assigned so much of my member dollars to it, to reward readers for reading and giving me feedback on the story. It's gotten everything fro two star reviews, along with comments like, "It was terribly boring", to six star reviews claiming it to be terrifyingly brilliant. I guess we''ll all know come contest time how many of those claiming it's brilliance will actually show up and vote.

Thanks so much again, Green Lake Girl, for everything!

reply by Green Lake Girl on 10-Jul-2014

Happy to hear you experienced giddy today. 'Tis a good feeling!

I hear ya on the editing part. Same here. One can never fully edit their own work.

reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014

But, on along those same lines, even the great Stephen King has an editor, right, LOL?

Thanks so much again for all of you help and kind comments. :}

Comment from Eric1

Excellent

This is surely the most horrific and gory bloodthirsty story I have ever read! yet it draws the reader on, although I am reading things that make me squirm, I have to read more! This is excellent writing and Sephen King should be shaking in his boots!

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014

Hah ha, thank you, Eric, and don't I wish! I'm truly glad that you read this and saw it for exactly what it was; what it was intended to be. Just a good old-fashioned, bone-rattling terror tale, a lot like the ones we all sat around roaring campfires and told each other as kids.

Thanks for the wonderful feedback, I sincerely appreciate it.