The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "FOUR MEN AND A MISSION"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
19 total reviews
Comment from Walter L. Jones
So it is a ride given, but lies have a way, love the trap and weave, protect and save a horse or perhaps two, the story goes to the heart, value set, save one or four...better days, Walt
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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So it is a ride given, but lies have a way, love the trap and weave, protect and save a horse or perhaps two, the story goes to the heart, value set, save one or four...better days, Walt
Comment Written 07-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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Sub crossans for horses, Walt. LOL. Thanks for your stars and words.
Comment from Fridayauthor
Very good writing, as usual! I especially liked the ending.
I'm just back from vacation, with no Internet, so I have a lot of catching up to do.
I really need your "Cast of Characters" and appreciate your providing it.
Again, a nice piece.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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Very good writing, as usual! I especially liked the ending.
I'm just back from vacation, with no Internet, so I have a lot of catching up to do.
I really need your "Cast of Characters" and appreciate your providing it.
Again, a nice piece.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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Thank you for your kind words, Friday. Hope you had a wonderful vacation. NO INTERNET! Whoa!
Comment from GWHARGIS
Dang it. You have left me with a cliff hanger. What is outside? I like the careful attention you have given to Zurn in this chapter. He is a gentle giant, at least that is what I am picturing. His child like nature seems to be restoring something to Doctorex that the other men haven't been able to touch. I don't know why, but this line bothered me a bit. It was the one about the bandages. I'm not sure why you told us about the bandages being wrapped several times around him by the doctor. I guess it's the doctor part that bothers me. You left them with someone going to get the doctor at the end of that chapter, I guess I felt like you as the writer, you underestimate the reader's intelligence by saying that. I have found I do this as well. I will give an unnecessary detail and have been called out. It is a small nit, but I found myself going back to that line after I finished the chapter. Don't change it unless there are other mentions. Anyway, I felt like this was the most revealing chapter about Doctorex yet. His views and renderings about zurn revealed a lot about himself. Well done. Sorry about the length of this. You just seem to appreciate a more detailed review than some.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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Dang it. You have left me with a cliff hanger. What is outside? I like the careful attention you have given to Zurn in this chapter. He is a gentle giant, at least that is what I am picturing. His child like nature seems to be restoring something to Doctorex that the other men haven't been able to touch. I don't know why, but this line bothered me a bit. It was the one about the bandages. I'm not sure why you told us about the bandages being wrapped several times around him by the doctor. I guess it's the doctor part that bothers me. You left them with someone going to get the doctor at the end of that chapter, I guess I felt like you as the writer, you underestimate the reader's intelligence by saying that. I have found I do this as well. I will give an unnecessary detail and have been called out. It is a small nit, but I found myself going back to that line after I finished the chapter. Don't change it unless there are other mentions. Anyway, I felt like this was the most revealing chapter about Doctorex yet. His views and renderings about zurn revealed a lot about himself. Well done. Sorry about the length of this. You just seem to appreciate a more detailed review than some.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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Hey, Gretchen! Actually the doctor showed up at the end of the stab scene chapter. Remember, he told Doctrex the spirits that he was going to use to kill the germs they would drink later? Then at the beginning of the next chapter Sheleck was not with Giln or Zurn. The doctor was watching him for infection. Remember what he told Giln, (and, I'm paraphrasing) "Lose a limb or lose a life, infection doesn't care which."? Hey, we read lotsa stories here on FS. I forget details myself.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. I tried to give it a 6:-) but must have run out. I enjoyed the easier speed of thi as.Getting to know more players..the stableboy for instance.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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Hi. I tried to give it a 6:-) but must have run out. I enjoyed the easier speed of thi as.Getting to know more players..the stableboy for instance.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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Oh, that was a sweet gesture anyway. I'm happy you enjoyed the chapter.
Comment from A Matter Of Words
There is a naturalness to your writing, an easy flow which make this story very tangible and enjoyable. Shelek's positive words to Zurn about owning his own Crossan was a nice touch.
Was your journey productive{?}
He glance{d} furtively, left and right.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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There is a naturalness to your writing, an easy flow which make this story very tangible and enjoyable. Shelek's positive words to Zurn about owning his own Crossan was a nice touch.
Was your journey productive{?}
He glance{d} furtively, left and right.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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Thank you for your kindness, Stephanie. In just a moment I'm going to make those corrections. I can't believe I left out a past tense and a question mark. And so close together. I do appreciate your eagle eye.
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That is what we are here for...a sounding board and extra sets of eyes.
Comment from DanielEkine
Great use of diction. Excellent control of SPAG. Definitely the work of Jay Squires. Bravo. Bowing down to your top notch writing skills."Klasco settled--after some good-natured dickering--on a fair amount to pay Klynch to board the crossans and he left to secure our room."
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
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Great use of diction. Excellent control of SPAG. Definitely the work of Jay Squires. Bravo. Bowing down to your top notch writing skills."Klasco settled--after some good-natured dickering--on a fair amount to pay Klynch to board the crossans and he left to secure our room."
Comment Written 06-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Daniel! I'm so happy to have you along on this journey. You da bomb!
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is an extremely well written to the story. I keep going back to one thing - his discomfort with being general. I get caught up with the oddest things, but in some cases the doubt inspires a person to greatness and in others it bodes disaster so I wonder which will happen for him. You may have a typo, not sure: "They filled his head with all kind of nonsense." - should this be 'kinds'?
Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
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This is an extremely well written to the story. I keep going back to one thing - his discomfort with being general. I get caught up with the oddest things, but in some cases the doubt inspires a person to greatness and in others it bodes disaster so I wonder which will happen for him. You may have a typo, not sure: "They filled his head with all kind of nonsense." - should this be 'kinds'?
Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much for the kind review and your thoughts. And, yes,it should be "kinds". I will go in and change that now.
Comment from poetbear
Great characters.
Well written and makes sense.
Love the plot and the twists.
Creative and original masterful writing.
Incredibly well done.
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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
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Great characters.
Well written and makes sense.
Love the plot and the twists.
Creative and original masterful writing.
Incredibly well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Maddy. I think I was reading your Father's Day poem just as you were reading this chapter. Two brilliant writers with but a single thought! LOL, Have a nice weekend.
Comment from c_lucas
It looks as if the four travelers will be on their way to the front. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
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It looks as if the four travelers will be on their way to the front. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Charlie.
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie