Walk With Me.
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Winds of Change."From victim to survivor of abuse.
20 total reviews
Comment from comanalbert
Well, make it a definitive chapter.The survival of a virgin nowadays will be an interesting battle.Have her find a Prince Charming, but a rotten party maniac, which she will convert and see where it is all going.
A romance novel...Try because the start is promising.Or maker her a sadistic killer of teenage boys because of her frustrations and rigid upbringing and we have a thriller...That is why we love writing...
Endless choices.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Well, make it a definitive chapter.The survival of a virgin nowadays will be an interesting battle.Have her find a Prince Charming, but a rotten party maniac, which she will convert and see where it is all going.
A romance novel...Try because the start is promising.Or maker her a sadistic killer of teenage boys because of her frustrations and rigid upbringing and we have a thriller...That is why we love writing...
Endless choices.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Thanks for a generous review . I appreciate your time and comments.
Comment from elchupakabra
In the first chapter, I'm immediately put off for two reasons; there is an inordinate and uneccessary use of commas and because of the description of the character. If this is meant to be introductory, it doesn't feel that way. Either way, there is no hook that really pushes me to read on. You throw cloistered around a lot two, using it twice in the first two paragraphs. It's an uncommon word and so is noticeable. The background here is really dragging on and the pacing overall is at a crawl. Good work, thanks for sharing.
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reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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In the first chapter, I'm immediately put off for two reasons; there is an inordinate and uneccessary use of commas and because of the description of the character. If this is meant to be introductory, it doesn't feel that way. Either way, there is no hook that really pushes me to read on. You throw cloistered around a lot two, using it twice in the first two paragraphs. It's an uncommon word and so is noticeable. The background here is really dragging on and the pacing overall is at a crawl. Good work, thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Thank you.
Comment from maggieadams
I love the character development and the slow unfolding of background and context. yes, this would fit nicely as a chapter in a book. My one constructive item: you overuse commas and it breaks up really nice sentences. Almost every paragraph has comma overuse. Try taking some out and see how much better sentences flows. Good job.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2013
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I love the character development and the slow unfolding of background and context. yes, this would fit nicely as a chapter in a book. My one constructive item: you overuse commas and it breaks up really nice sentences. Almost every paragraph has comma overuse. Try taking some out and see how much better sentences flows. Good job.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2013
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Thanks so much for a lovely constructive review.
Commas are my "problem child." I either have too little or not enough.
Iappreciate your time.
Comment from Sankey
Great story hope you will continue. I liked the reference to Scarlet O'Hara 'hehe "fiddle dee dee...tomorrow's another day" good one.
You do wonder also just how "pure" the convents are and how 'celibate' Nuns and Priests really are as well. have to laught the Pope is now going to recognise Homosexuality amongst Catholics why not go the next step and allow Priests and Nuns to marry not necessarily to each other though hehe. Sorry for raving Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2013
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Great story hope you will continue. I liked the reference to Scarlet O'Hara 'hehe "fiddle dee dee...tomorrow's another day" good one.
You do wonder also just how "pure" the convents are and how 'celibate' Nuns and Priests really are as well. have to laught the Pope is now going to recognise Homosexuality amongst Catholics why not go the next step and allow Priests and Nuns to marry not necessarily to each other though hehe. Sorry for raving Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2013
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Thanks for reading and reviewing.
I appreciate your time and it was interesting to hear your thoughts. Who knows what the future may bring.
Comment from Cookie333
You set the scene early, with her feeling of apprehension and her upbringing. I continued to read and hoped perhaps for an example of the other student's behavior???
You covered so much of Holly's inner struggle, perhaps an example might lead into the next chapter quite nicely.
I enjoyed your style of writing, I just felt I understood Holly early on and would have enjoyed a twist-if you were going to make it into a chapter.
Thanks for sharing this one my friend, and I hope this is the type of feedback you were hoping for.
k
Just one spag:
modeland - model and (just needs a space)
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2013
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You set the scene early, with her feeling of apprehension and her upbringing. I continued to read and hoped perhaps for an example of the other student's behavior???
You covered so much of Holly's inner struggle, perhaps an example might lead into the next chapter quite nicely.
I enjoyed your style of writing, I just felt I understood Holly early on and would have enjoyed a twist-if you were going to make it into a chapter.
Thanks for sharing this one my friend, and I hope this is the type of feedback you were hoping for.
k
Just one spag:
modeland - model and (just needs a space)
Comment Written 26-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2013
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Thanks for a helpful review and comments.
I'm not used to book length writing but rather writing assignments, short stories etc. I wanted to gauge opinion on the adolescent sexual awakening idea and follow up mystery and consequences first.
So, sorry, I am wobbly on regular chapter lengths and FanStory chapter lenghts. My next writing assignment is a synopsis and query letter so I have to get my story sorted first.
Thanks for the help.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
and he never met, or acknowledged, his [son.]? Shouldn't this be daughter?
This is good. I felt like you could shorten it a bit. Seems you kept repeating the fact she was being harrassed by the boys and she wanted to avoid and sexual contact.Don't know how to explain but it seemed repetative to me. However it could be come a chapter in a book.Nancy
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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and he never met, or acknowledged, his [son.]? Shouldn't this be daughter?
This is good. I felt like you could shorten it a bit. Seems you kept repeating the fact she was being harrassed by the boys and she wanted to avoid and sexual contact.Don't know how to explain but it seemed repetative to me. However it could be come a chapter in a book.Nancy
Comment Written 25-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Thanks for a generous review and comments.
Isn't it always the way that the glaringly obvious glitch is the one you miss. Thank you for pointing out the gender glitch.
Thanks for your opinion and encouragement.
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I always miss something. Noone is perfect.
Comment from tbacha58
Hi, My first six star goes to you, I will confess, this story which I hope you would continue writing, has a lot to with my teenager, not about mum or dad, but about a teen sexuality. Old age parents, strict . It was hard reading this story remembering the past. Honest opinion, I read each and every word, you writing feels so relaxed, and comforting. Keep writing this book, wishing u luck. Bless u Terry
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Hi, My first six star goes to you, I will confess, this story which I hope you would continue writing, has a lot to with my teenager, not about mum or dad, but about a teen sexuality. Old age parents, strict . It was hard reading this story remembering the past. Honest opinion, I read each and every word, you writing feels so relaxed, and comforting. Keep writing this book, wishing u luck. Bless u Terry
Comment Written 25-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Thank you. I am honoured and humbled to receive your first six star rating.
I appreciate your time and support.
At this point it is just a draft so I appreciate your support and positve feedback.
Comment from Sararb
I really enjoyed reading our story. It was very interesting, and I hope that you continue it, because I really would like to know more about Holly, and how her life will change.Really good writing! Sararb :)
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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I really enjoyed reading our story. It was very interesting, and I hope that you continue it, because I really would like to know more about Holly, and how her life will change.Really good writing! Sararb :)
Comment Written 25-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Thank you for a generous review and support.
I have not followed the writing process through to book length before so I'll see how I go on the learning curve.
Comment from Treischel
Well written tale of a girl's adjustment transition when switching from a Catholic school to a Public one. The adjustment to a more relaxed environment is intriguing, especially the increased sexuality. I'd say, yes, definitely continue it into a book. The is plenty of room for story lines. You kept me interested.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Well written tale of a girl's adjustment transition when switching from a Catholic school to a Public one. The adjustment to a more relaxed environment is intriguing, especially the increased sexuality. I'd say, yes, definitely continue it into a book. The is plenty of room for story lines. You kept me interested.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Thank you. I appreciate your kind and generous review. Your time,support and comments are appreciated.
Comment from country ranch writer
A TOUGH DECISION FOR A YOUNG GIRL TO HAVE TO MAKE.WHICH PATH SHOULD SHE GO DOWN. I WOULD SAY MAKE HER OWN PATH AND FORGET FITTING IN AND HOLD HER HEAD UP HIGH.BOYS ONLY WANT ONE THING AND SHE KNOWS THAT SHE NEEDS TO FIND HER OWN SALVATION WITH OUT PEER PRESSURE
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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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A TOUGH DECISION FOR A YOUNG GIRL TO HAVE TO MAKE.WHICH PATH SHOULD SHE GO DOWN. I WOULD SAY MAKE HER OWN PATH AND FORGET FITTING IN AND HOLD HER HEAD UP HIGH.BOYS ONLY WANT ONE THING AND SHE KNOWS THAT SHE NEEDS TO FIND HER OWN SALVATION WITH OUT PEER PRESSURE
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Thanks fot your review and thoughts. I appreciate it.
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WWELCOME