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Viewing comments for Chapter 51 "Doppelganger"Shorter stories
17 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
You've done a great job of makeing a three person dialogue story with no tag lines. It is very funny. I think sweet Erin enjoys practical jokes. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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You've done a great job of makeing a three person dialogue story with no tag lines. It is very funny. I think sweet Erin enjoys practical jokes. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you Beth for giving this story a look.
Comment from barleygirl
Your story is a real cute load of potty humor gone awry! Your dialogue is well-done, I'm amused by the story & storytelling . . . I especially love the different ways people are mashing up the big title word. But altogether, it just doesn't grab me or put me into fits of laughter. Still, it's well-crafted . . . Great try! Good luck!
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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Your story is a real cute load of potty humor gone awry! Your dialogue is well-done, I'm amused by the story & storytelling . . . I especially love the different ways people are mashing up the big title word. But altogether, it just doesn't grab me or put me into fits of laughter. Still, it's well-crafted . . . Great try! Good luck!
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Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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You got me. I saw "well-done","amused by the... story telling", "love the... mashing up...", and "well-crafted". This followed by a 4. Could you be more specific on why these comments end in four?
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The dialogue sounded good, as far as it sounded like what people would actually say, if they were arguing mildly like that. And you could follow the story, thru the dialogue. But the further along you read, the less you care about the outcome. And then the outcome ends up being elusive to me, but I didn't care enough to ponder it. The debate in the story wasn't that interesting & knowing the outcome wasn't compelling. I hope this describes my response your story without you feeling like I've been harsh or critical. I tried to be as honest as I could be, since you asked.
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Thank you. I don't mind criticism (any more than anyone else I suppose), just like to see where it is coupled with suggestion.
Comment from EMB
So I'm still thinking there are shapeshifters running around because this reads like an episode of Supernatural, the earlier seasons. Ha! Funny how he was adamant about it not being Erin. (Why not?)
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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So I'm still thinking there are shapeshifters running around because this reads like an episode of Supernatural, the earlier seasons. Ha! Funny how he was adamant about it not being Erin. (Why not?)
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for reviewing. I know what you're saying. It doesn't really have a logical conclusion. For this contest I considered the fun of the dialog over the resolution of a ridiculous mystery. Thank you for seeing more possibilities in the story. I may actually try to revise this into something better.
Comment from chasennov
'Doppelganger.' An excellent story you have penned here which I really enjoyed reading. I thought your formulation was good and your structure pretty neat.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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'Doppelganger.' An excellent story you have penned here which I really enjoyed reading. I thought your formulation was good and your structure pretty neat.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for giving it a look.
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You're most welcome.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Oh my what a quandary you've produced for your reader with this lil beaut! Did they or didn't they now that is the question here lol...loved the style and the creative voice behind it. Well done you. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Oh my what a quandary you've produced for your reader with this lil beaut! Did they or didn't they now that is the question here lol...loved the style and the creative voice behind it. Well done you. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the enthusiastic review.
Comment from Dean Kuch
This was not only hysterically funny, but it is a perfect lesson on how to write crisp, precision-like dialogue only story that actually makes sense and delivers an effective one-two punch. Writing a story, no matter its length, sans descriptive narrative, is not as easy as many think it to be, but you pulled it off here, with flying shitters---uh, ah, I meant COLORS, heh-heh (Oops!)
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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This was not only hysterically funny, but it is a perfect lesson on how to write crisp, precision-like dialogue only story that actually makes sense and delivers an effective one-two punch. Writing a story, no matter its length, sans descriptive narrative, is not as easy as many think it to be, but you pulled it off here, with flying shitters---uh, ah, I meant COLORS, heh-heh (Oops!)
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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I appreciate the excellent review and encouraging comments.
Comment from Alankrita
Okay, that was hilarious! From tipping over that portable toilet to Amanda's inability to say the word doppelganger, it all cracked me up. i was wondering though, since they are dialogues, why not use apostrophes? good luck in the contest!
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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2013
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Okay, that was hilarious! From tipping over that portable toilet to Amanda's inability to say the word doppelganger, it all cracked me up. i was wondering though, since they are dialogues, why not use apostrophes? good luck in the contest!
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Comment Written 14-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2013
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Thank you for reviewing. Do you mean quotation marks? I didn't use quotation marks since I had no speaker tags to separate from dialog.
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However, I did put them in and it is a great improvement. Thanks!