One More Dram
A story disguised as a poem--or vice versa.33 total reviews
Comment from dbmccarter
I really love this and I know it will do well in the contest. It is great story and you have the rhyme sequence down perfectly. It does read like a story told around a campfire. Great job.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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I really love this and I know it will do well in the contest. It is great story and you have the rhyme sequence down perfectly. It does read like a story told around a campfire. Great job.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Thank you, dbmccarter. I'd love to her this story told in the flickering light. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment from LucidDreem
This is awesome. I have nothing to offer that would improve it, and that almost never happens. I'm blown away that you were able to keep to such a steady rhyme scheme so well with the vernacular you used. Six stars.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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This is awesome. I have nothing to offer that would improve it, and that almost never happens. I'm blown away that you were able to keep to such a steady rhyme scheme so well with the vernacular you used. Six stars.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Lucid, thank you. A six from you is indeed an honor. And much appreciated. Peace, Lee
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
WOw! You never missed a beat! The meter is PERFECT! The story is traditional and excellent! I love everything about this. I sure hope the committee has the brains to choose this as the winner.. it's so far above the rest! :)
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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WOw! You never missed a beat! The meter is PERFECT! The story is traditional and excellent! I love everything about this. I sure hope the committee has the brains to choose this as the winner.. it's so far above the rest! :)
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Thank you so much, Phyllis. I drew upon my old folksong-writing days for this. But I have to tell you--meter is hard! Thank you again. Peace, Lee
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Oh, god. Here's the bloody bottle, Lee. Now tell me where he went. In words of one syllable. (I've had a few drams myself.)
LOL!
This is brilliant. Fantastic and so clever. Love the 'Queen' and 'Jack' names - very subtle.
Yes indeed. I'm quite in awe of this, obviously put together by the slick mind of a MASTER. Who, I might add, has left me in suspense.
Anyhoo, this has to be a podium piece if ever I saw one.
Av
x
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Oh, god. Here's the bloody bottle, Lee. Now tell me where he went. In words of one syllable. (I've had a few drams myself.)
LOL!
This is brilliant. Fantastic and so clever. Love the 'Queen' and 'Jack' names - very subtle.
Yes indeed. I'm quite in awe of this, obviously put together by the slick mind of a MASTER. Who, I might add, has left me in suspense.
Anyhoo, this has to be a podium piece if ever I saw one.
Av
x
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Hey, Av, don't you love the word 'dram'? I used to play in a string band, and my favorite tune was called, Give the Fiddler a Dram--always wonderful advice. Yes I left room for a sequel, just in case Steven Speilberg is watching. Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed ... and I hope you're on the committee.
Peace, Lee
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Sorry. I'm not on any committee. But you have my vote anyway. :o)
Comment from IndianaIrish
So, what's the big hoopla? You're a wordslinger no matter the format, hw. Except for a few lines that made me stumble, your prose/poetry was stellar...juust wish I had another star to give it. The ending was fantastic...I have a dram with your name on it ... so spill your guts, cowboy.
Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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So, what's the big hoopla? You're a wordslinger no matter the format, hw. Except for a few lines that made me stumble, your prose/poetry was stellar...juust wish I had another star to give it. The ending was fantastic...I have a dram with your name on it ... so spill your guts, cowboy.
Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Indy :>)
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Thanks, Indy. I'm sorry about the stumbles, but my meter is strong. If I changed it, the other poets would be all over me.
I don't know how to make it better. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
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What do I know anyway?
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You know plenty. I just don't know what to do. L
Comment from MumEsGirl
Great story/poem. I have to confess to being a little confused until I read the notes.
As usual you have infused your own particular sytle into this work making for a very enjoyable read.
Best of luck with this one
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Great story/poem. I have to confess to being a little confused until I read the notes.
As usual you have infused your own particular sytle into this work making for a very enjoyable read.
Best of luck with this one
hugs
kate
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Thank you so much, kate. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Spitfire
Delightful. Reads like a ballad. I loved the story, the end rhyme and my favorite:One royal scream--turned sightless dream--" Here's to Coleman. May he soon be richer by one hundred bucks. Hugs, Shari
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Delightful. Reads like a ballad. I loved the story, the end rhyme and my favorite:One royal scream--turned sightless dream--" Here's to Coleman. May he soon be richer by one hundred bucks. Hugs, Shari
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Hey, Shari, thank you. My old folksinging days served me well this time around. Coleman's had a rough run of luck lately--he could use the $100 stake. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment from purrfect tale
It's not fair that you can write great fiction AND poetry. It was as exciting as any good story. I love how you ended it. Now, even your poetry can have a part 2.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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It's not fair that you can write great fiction AND poetry. It was as exciting as any good story. I love how you ended it. Now, even your poetry can have a part 2.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Hey, purr, thank you. The story part comes easily, and the rhymes aren't too hard, but the damned meter thing gives me conniption fits. I'm glad you enjoyed. And yes, I left room for a sequel in case the movie folks are watching. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment from Realist101
Oh Lee...I hear the luscious voice of Sam Elliott and my fav Robert Duvall in this one. I can see the crusty chaps, worn boots, the smoke chokes my lungs, and the gal...let's see. She eludes. But, nice work. Fun, and as always, top notch. Susan
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Oh Lee...I hear the luscious voice of Sam Elliott and my fav Robert Duvall in this one. I can see the crusty chaps, worn boots, the smoke chokes my lungs, and the gal...let's see. She eludes. But, nice work. Fun, and as always, top notch. Susan
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Hey, Suse, thank you. Sometimes I just love to relive the old west. I know you do, too. I think Marlene Dietrich played a character named Queenie in Destry Rides Rides Again. She sings that wonderful song, 'See What The Boys in the Backroom Will Have.' Thanks again. Peace, Lee
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That was a good oldie~I watched it as a child with my dad. Some good memories. Marlene D. was neat. They were so glamorous. The name Queenie brings to mind a gorgeous gray horse I saw at the Indiana State Fair being beat by a fat woman. Back then no one would say anything. But I remember wanting to. I was only twelve? Anyway, I hope this wins! Great work Lee. S.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Oh, you dirty divil! I thought I might scoop this pot, but I see you've done for me with this piece of outrageous story-telling.
I liked the Jack/Queen combo, but kept looking for the King. The rhymes and meter are steady and the colloquial language great as always. Internal rhyme, too, although only in patches....
I'd better go and see if I can polish my poor piece up a little more so I can at least compete for second place.
Steve
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Oh, you dirty divil! I thought I might scoop this pot, but I see you've done for me with this piece of outrageous story-telling.
I liked the Jack/Queen combo, but kept looking for the King. The rhymes and meter are steady and the colloquial language great as always. Internal rhyme, too, although only in patches....
I'd better go and see if I can polish my poor piece up a little more so I can at least compete for second place.
Steve
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Thank you, Steve. I truly love being called a dirty divil by such a worthy opponent. Did you already post your entry? I knew this was kind of up your alley, so I've been watching.
I was a little sneaky with the 'king' in my poem. The main character is Coleman, sometimes called Cole, you know, Old King Cole. Just an inside joke for my benefit. Thanks so much for this great review, but I won't be putting a notch on my pistol just yet. Thanks again. Peace, Lee