Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "A Graveyard Moon"Murder Mystery
57 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
a most impressive piece of descriptive
writing, Beve... drawing the reader
in from the beginning and holding the
interest throughout... most intriguing.
I'm sorry(,) Norma
going through vic's = Vic's
the pressure."I said - space after period
Margaret
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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a most impressive piece of descriptive
writing, Beve... drawing the reader
in from the beginning and holding the
interest throughout... most intriguing.
I'm sorry(,) Norma
going through vic's = Vic's
the pressure."I said - space after period
Margaret
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Hello, Margaret. Thank you very much for your generous review. I also appreciate the SPAG alert! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from ladybird
A very well written chapter. One that held my interest from start to finish. The descriptive text puts the reader at the scene. The dialogue between the characters is very natural and the characters come across as well formed.
Just one thing. What is a 'Host'?
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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A very well written chapter. One that held my interest from start to finish. The descriptive text puts the reader at the scene. The dialogue between the characters is very natural and the characters come across as well formed.
Just one thing. What is a 'Host'?
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much for this great review, ladybird. I, especially, appreciate you bringing to attention that not every one would know what is meant by a host. I'll add an author's note. It's an oval-shaped wafer that is part of traditional Christian services. Thanks so much! Bev
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Thank you for the explanation.
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Thank you! Bev
Comment from Gideon Roth
Good Morning. This story is progressing right along at a great pace. Well done on this one for sure. No spag, great descriptive writing, moves at a great pace. Keep up the excellent work and I look forward to your next submission...Tim
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Good Morning. This story is progressing right along at a great pace. Well done on this one for sure. No spag, great descriptive writing, moves at a great pace. Keep up the excellent work and I look forward to your next submission...Tim
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Hi, Tim. Thanks so much for this great review. I sure appreciate your interest and support. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from RebelRose
This is the first chapter of this book that I have read. It has definitely peaked my interest. I was just glancing over it and the name 'Padget' caught my eye (and my attention) as my last name is Padgett (spelled with double 't'. There used to be a movie star named Debra Padget many years ago. I will have to go back to the first two chapters and bring myself up to speed on this. I enjoyed this chapter.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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This is the first chapter of this book that I have read. It has definitely peaked my interest. I was just glancing over it and the name 'Padget' caught my eye (and my attention) as my last name is Padgett (spelled with double 't'. There used to be a movie star named Debra Padget many years ago. I will have to go back to the first two chapters and bring myself up to speed on this. I enjoyed this chapter.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Hi, RR. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my chapter. I appreciate the synchronicity you mention - there were quite a few Padgett's in my old hometown. Thanks again! Bev
Comment from Anisa-
Wow! Excellent chapter.
I didn't feel that any parts were rushed, nor did I feel that any part was too slow. You did a really good job with pacing this chapter.
CrEePy!! When religion is tied into killing it just somehow makes it even creepier. Lol.
Thanks for putting that "bad desires" word into your notes because I had no idea what it meant. It might have been helpful to add the meaning in somewhere around where it was said. I just felt that it lost its significance because I didn't know what it meant and I was spent a lot of time trying to figure it out. I thought she was saying something slowly at first.
Can't wait for the next chapter!! This is getting really interesting.
Anisa
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Wow! Excellent chapter.
I didn't feel that any parts were rushed, nor did I feel that any part was too slow. You did a really good job with pacing this chapter.
CrEePy!! When religion is tied into killing it just somehow makes it even creepier. Lol.
Thanks for putting that "bad desires" word into your notes because I had no idea what it meant. It might have been helpful to add the meaning in somewhere around where it was said. I just felt that it lost its significance because I didn't know what it meant and I was spent a lot of time trying to figure it out. I thought she was saying something slowly at first.
Can't wait for the next chapter!! This is getting really interesting.
Anisa
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Hi, Anisa. Thank you so much for this awesome review! I sure appreciate all the time you took to let me know what worked for you - and not so much. I'm in a quandary about the Sioux quotation. I've had conflicting advice on every occasion when I've used a foreign language quotation. Some writers insist that it breaks the flow when you put the meaning in brackets. Sort of an omniscient type of thing. Others, like you and me, don't mind at all. I used it in the second chapter a bit more and it's going to play into the story. Which means I'm going to have to come to a decision on it. If it was a different kind of writing I could use an asterisk. That always works!
Anyway, sure appreciate the support and interest, Anisa.
Kind regards, Bev
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Oh ya, I totally understand. What about adding it into the inner dialogue or something?
Like after she says it, he thinks to himself "Bad desires, eh?" or says something like that back to her. That was just a quick example, but something along those lines.
Is that still seen as kind of ... Spelling it out?
Anisa
Comment from Kate Walker
Hi Bev,
Fabulous chapter. The story rolls along at a brisk, even pace. You introduce three new characters in deft style. They simply become part of the story fabric, as you slip in a detail here and there about them. Expertly done.
I warmed immediately to Jana Burke. She's strong & embodies Native American sensibilities that I'm sure will figure as the story unfolds. She's smart, imposing and beautiful. You ticked all the boxes with her and yet there's nothing stereotyped or token about her. As a character she's fresh, appealing and full of potential.
Likewise you introduced the rookie cop - Newstead - very well. We'll be looking for him to screw up none too soon.
Even Norma was introduced well in the short amount of time you had to spend on her. I liked the fact that you gave just a snipped of the conversation between her and Fr Brian. That snippet was all that was needed, but enough to make us party to the exchange between them and establish her. And you conveyed her emotion well with: 'pressed a Kleenex against her mouth'.
I liked the way you tantalized us with the state in which the body had been left. You had the reader hanging in there waiting for the extra details. And you've tacked a nice, ambiguous plot hook on the end with, 'any good priest?'
It works from state to finish. Don't change a word. Next chapter, please. Kate
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Hi Bev,
Fabulous chapter. The story rolls along at a brisk, even pace. You introduce three new characters in deft style. They simply become part of the story fabric, as you slip in a detail here and there about them. Expertly done.
I warmed immediately to Jana Burke. She's strong & embodies Native American sensibilities that I'm sure will figure as the story unfolds. She's smart, imposing and beautiful. You ticked all the boxes with her and yet there's nothing stereotyped or token about her. As a character she's fresh, appealing and full of potential.
Likewise you introduced the rookie cop - Newstead - very well. We'll be looking for him to screw up none too soon.
Even Norma was introduced well in the short amount of time you had to spend on her. I liked the fact that you gave just a snipped of the conversation between her and Fr Brian. That snippet was all that was needed, but enough to make us party to the exchange between them and establish her. And you conveyed her emotion well with: 'pressed a Kleenex against her mouth'.
I liked the way you tantalized us with the state in which the body had been left. You had the reader hanging in there waiting for the extra details. And you've tacked a nice, ambiguous plot hook on the end with, 'any good priest?'
It works from state to finish. Don't change a word. Next chapter, please. Kate
Comment Written 19-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Hi, Kate. Thank you so much for this absolutely splendid review. I really appreciate the time you took to point out what worked for you in the chapter. That's going to be helpful going forward.
I'm going to feature Officer Burke in the solving of the case, as you might guess, along with her medicine-man uncle from Chapter I. They may end up being the only real friends Father Brian has.
Cheers, Bev
Comment from LAFraser
Wow! This is a great chapter, Bev. A communion host taped to the mouth of the victim. Good stuff, here. I've enjoyed reading this chapter. Thank you for posting and I wish you a blessed week. :)
~Eilish
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2012
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Wow! This is a great chapter, Bev. A communion host taped to the mouth of the victim. Good stuff, here. I've enjoyed reading this chapter. Thank you for posting and I wish you a blessed week. :)
~Eilish
Comment Written 19-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Eilish. I so appreciate you taking time to read the chapters this evening. And thank you for the generous support. Have a wonderful week, too, my friend. Cheers, Bev
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You're welcome and thank you. :)
~Eilish
Comment from rightforyou
This is so well written. I hung on to every word. Your descriptions are realistic, as well as the characters and actions . I have been behind. Did not know you started a novel. Will have some catching up to do
Wonderful job on this...Looking forward to reading more
Well Done...Ron
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2012
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This is so well written. I hung on to every word. Your descriptions are realistic, as well as the characters and actions . I have been behind. Did not know you started a novel. Will have some catching up to do
Wonderful job on this...Looking forward to reading more
Well Done...Ron
Comment Written 19-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2012
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Hi, Ron. Thank you so much for your great review! I really appreciate the interest and support. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from rawahymis
Most intriguing and well written chapter, Writingfundimension.
The plot is not yet clear but the situation is well portrayed and is tinged with mystery.
Very active and events develop smoothly.
The ending is unexpected and leaves the reader in suspense, eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
rawahy
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2012
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Most intriguing and well written chapter, Writingfundimension.
The plot is not yet clear but the situation is well portrayed and is tinged with mystery.
Very active and events develop smoothly.
The ending is unexpected and leaves the reader in suspense, eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
rawahy
Comment Written 19-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, rawa. I really appreciate you taking time to read my chapter and your generous review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Shirley McLain
A very riveting chapter which kept me reading to the last word and then wanted more. The tension is can be felt in the words. I want to know more.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2012
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A very riveting chapter which kept me reading to the last word and then wanted more. The tension is can be felt in the words. I want to know more.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, Texasgal. I love this review! You are so kind to read and review. Bev