Cell Communication
A new discovery, highly important15 total reviews
Comment from debskatz
Hi jlsavell,
Well, a very interesting essay! I used to teach high school biology (long time ago) and I hadn't heard of glycoscience. I do intend to look it up. I have an inherited disease, a type of lipodystrophy, that I detail in my essay, "Asking to Die, Grateful to Live." You can check it out here if you like: http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=501591
So this new science quite intriques me.
Now, I have a degree in biology, so I had little trouble following your essay, but I'm certain many people would have a lot of trouble.
Found a good bit of spag:
a technology was born{e}
"contains the information necessary to identify uniquely" - particularly in an essay such as this, you don't need to switch words around when people are used to them in a certain order. -
"contains the necessary information to uniquely identify"
It is also important to note, that{,} although{,} many - don't need the commas in the brackets
through food(,) has won four Nobel prizes
emphatically stated, ' The discovery of cell to - you're having some weird spacing here. Could be due to Evil Eddie. -
emphatically stated, 'The discovery of cell to
published on glycobiology and, or, glyconutrients - I would use the more common: and/or glyconutrients. You would not need any commas.
so aptly name(d) and dedicated
(u)Universities around the globe - is not a proper noun on its own.
pharmaceutical giants - you keep using this term over and over. Particularly "giants." You've made your point. Try substituting pharmaceutical companies or simply drug companies.
patient will undeniably have a more hands(-)on
emphasize all drugs, are toxic - as you're emphasizing "all drugs," you may want to put that in italics or all caps or bold or some combination.
"Here this is for you. Oops it did not work. I am so sorry." - I don't like this sentence being used. You are writing a very technical essay and all of a sudden, you throw in a one sentence nothing. But if you insist on using it, it should be:
"Here, this is for you. Oops, it did not(didn't) work. I am so sorry."
"What if your immune system's communication tower was on the blink and when your other cells tried to call out for help,because a highly lethal virus was attacking it with the ability to take over the cell and replicate at an alarming rate, taking, and invading all your organs?"
PLEASE cut that sentence down. Also, it doesn't really make sense as it is, but even if it did, who'd know because of trying to follow the length?
By the way, you listed the 8 sugars our bodies need; told us that two are provided for in our diet, but didn't tell us what two. Also, you say we can get these in our diets. WHAT FOOD? Isn't that the entire point with the essay? Yet, you don't tell us what food!
You need to determine the audience that will be reading your work. Are they technologically proficient or not? If not, maybe you need to write down to a level they can understand.
All that being said, I still very much enjoyed the essay and appreciate the information given. Thank you for sharing it with us!
smiles,
deb
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reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Hi jlsavell,
Well, a very interesting essay! I used to teach high school biology (long time ago) and I hadn't heard of glycoscience. I do intend to look it up. I have an inherited disease, a type of lipodystrophy, that I detail in my essay, "Asking to Die, Grateful to Live." You can check it out here if you like: http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=501591
So this new science quite intriques me.
Now, I have a degree in biology, so I had little trouble following your essay, but I'm certain many people would have a lot of trouble.
Found a good bit of spag:
a technology was born{e}
"contains the information necessary to identify uniquely" - particularly in an essay such as this, you don't need to switch words around when people are used to them in a certain order. -
"contains the necessary information to uniquely identify"
It is also important to note, that{,} although{,} many - don't need the commas in the brackets
through food(,) has won four Nobel prizes
emphatically stated, ' The discovery of cell to - you're having some weird spacing here. Could be due to Evil Eddie. -
emphatically stated, 'The discovery of cell to
published on glycobiology and, or, glyconutrients - I would use the more common: and/or glyconutrients. You would not need any commas.
so aptly name(d) and dedicated
(u)Universities around the globe - is not a proper noun on its own.
pharmaceutical giants - you keep using this term over and over. Particularly "giants." You've made your point. Try substituting pharmaceutical companies or simply drug companies.
patient will undeniably have a more hands(-)on
emphasize all drugs, are toxic - as you're emphasizing "all drugs," you may want to put that in italics or all caps or bold or some combination.
"Here this is for you. Oops it did not work. I am so sorry." - I don't like this sentence being used. You are writing a very technical essay and all of a sudden, you throw in a one sentence nothing. But if you insist on using it, it should be:
"Here, this is for you. Oops, it did not(didn't) work. I am so sorry."
"What if your immune system's communication tower was on the blink and when your other cells tried to call out for help,because a highly lethal virus was attacking it with the ability to take over the cell and replicate at an alarming rate, taking, and invading all your organs?"
PLEASE cut that sentence down. Also, it doesn't really make sense as it is, but even if it did, who'd know because of trying to follow the length?
By the way, you listed the 8 sugars our bodies need; told us that two are provided for in our diet, but didn't tell us what two. Also, you say we can get these in our diets. WHAT FOOD? Isn't that the entire point with the essay? Yet, you don't tell us what food!
You need to determine the audience that will be reading your work. Are they technologically proficient or not? If not, maybe you need to write down to a level they can understand.
All that being said, I still very much enjoyed the essay and appreciate the information given. Thank you for sharing it with us!
smiles,
deb
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Debkatz, I could write thank you all day long and it still would not express my gratitude for this in depth and helpful review. Essays are daunting to me. Thank you so very much. With your suggestions, I can perfect. It might take a day or two, but I will certainly work on all your gracious and professional advice. Thank you, sincerely!!!!!!!
Comment from ulster3
Hello, jimi.
Well, you certainly have me looking for more information. Is it even possible to obtain these sugars in a natural way today with the mass production of food? I'm going to book-case this, so that I can look up things. The telephone made a brilliant analogy. You have worked hard on your research, and it shows in this expert write. Thank you for posting.
Warmly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 08-May-2012
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Hello, jimi.
Well, you certainly have me looking for more information. Is it even possible to obtain these sugars in a natural way today with the mass production of food? I'm going to book-case this, so that I can look up things. The telephone made a brilliant analogy. You have worked hard on your research, and it shows in this expert write. Thank you for posting.
Warmly, Rebecca
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 08-May-2012
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Rebecca,I apologize for just returning a thank you for this review. Yes it is possible by the way and if you would like more info, please pm me. Health and fitness are my passion.. thank you .. jimi
Comment from mauial
We are indeed wonderfully made, I don't doubt that. Scientific study on the cell communication is wonderful information. Sadly though money is the motivating factor an you no Drug companies will do everything to protect profits not people.Good information here. Thank you.
reply by the author on 08-May-2012
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We are indeed wonderfully made, I don't doubt that. Scientific study on the cell communication is wonderful information. Sadly though money is the motivating factor an you no Drug companies will do everything to protect profits not people.Good information here. Thank you.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 08-May-2012
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mauial, I apologize for just returning a thank you for this review. especially since you took the time to read and comment and review. Thank you ever so much.. jlsavell
Comment from Newsome
A very well written and important piece, Jimi. A wonderful concept in the fact that we can actually take charge in assisting our body to do the job it wants to do through this process. Personally, I hate to use medication but find it necessary because of health issues. I would much rather introduce a natural entity into my body if I could reap the same benefit...just common sense.
Newsome
reply by the author on 08-May-2012
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A very well written and important piece, Jimi. A wonderful concept in the fact that we can actually take charge in assisting our body to do the job it wants to do through this process. Personally, I hate to use medication but find it necessary because of health issues. I would much rather introduce a natural entity into my body if I could reap the same benefit...just common sense.
Newsome
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 08-May-2012
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Newsome, look I am finally answering reviews, are not you proud of me? thank you ever so much.. I appreciate you my friend. Believe me, I do answer all reviews, it just takes me a little wjile to sit down and write all the appreciation and thank yous.. thank you.. .jimi
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Not to worry...we don't keep score! Lol...
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Always proud of you my friend!
Comment from Gungalo
A bit like being in a box. For centuries we wished for better and faster communications. Little did we know that we should wish for more than that. Sigh ... Jimi.
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reply by the author on 08-May-2012
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A bit like being in a box. For centuries we wished for better and faster communications. Little did we know that we should wish for more than that. Sigh ... Jimi.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 08-May-2012
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Gungalo, once again thank you. I will be more on this site as of today.. I cannot keep up with you, but I will try to put you first in reviews.. again thank you.. jimi
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Awesome you.