Comment from judy corcoran

Excellent

oh LOL
what a write mike
you should've entered this one in the comp
it is sooooo good
i wish i could think up things like this :)

- full of imagery
' he dropped the knife and grasped a gory handful of himself, yanking it from his body in a shower of blood spatters and snapping sinew' - awesome - gross but awesome...

suggestion
as the apple changes into its true form ---
- perhaps you could make it that as he dies he comes to his senses for one moment and realises .... ??

i enjoyed this, although my heart was in my throat as i as reading it
love judy

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

Ooh, I like that idea. It adds to the horror, for him to realise what he's done when it's too late, and die in anguish.

Thanks, Judy :-).

Mike

Comment from Patrick G Cox

Excellent

Hi fleedleflump,

OK, that one is pretty freaky, very much in the same vein as some of E A Poe's more gory ventures.

Good preparation for the contests then ...

Patrick

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

Thank you, Patrick :-). I needed to get in the right frame of mind and this did the trick nicely. Glad you liked it!

Mike

Comment from Chris Tee

Excellent

Wow mike this is absolutely awesome stuff and it is so compelling my friend,
Well done with this splendid write we have here old sport.

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

Thanks, Chris! This served the purpose of getting me in the right mood to write horror. Glad you liked it, mate :-).

Mike

Comment from Rasp E

Excellent

Oh, hon, you are the only person that can/has literally made me gag while reading. And more than once.

I promise it's not a complaint. I'm just - surprised. I rarely react to violence, physically anyway, under most circumstances. Doesn't phase me much. So, nice job.

I am glad, though, that this time I wasn't reading during lunch. :) Go forth and prosper on those horror contests...

E

P.S. Enjoying Free Man's Game so far. Not that far into it though, just got my Kindle for the day o' birth thing. Still, characteristic Fleedle humor - I like.

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

lol, now there's a manly claim - I can put the ladies off their lunch!

Happy day o' birth. Did you get the new Kindle - is it the Fire? It's not out over here yet but I gather it's pretty impressive.

Glad you enjoyed and are enjoying :-).

Mike

reply by Rasp E on 06-Jan-2012

Yep...the Fire. I like it. Those of my friends who own iPads generally don't seem to find it that impressive, because they're similar in form and funcion and they're used to it - but, they *are* nice.

I like it more than I thought I would considering I absolutely love actual, physical books. I even love how they smell. :)

reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

I do love a proper book, but the Kindle comes closest to recreating that electronically, I think; from the devices I've seen, at least.

I detest Apple products, so I know where my money would go! :-)

Comment from livingwords

Excellent

Freaky-deaky wow. Heavy stuff. Great depictions. Minor, minor nit: Ellipses should be preceded by a space. Dots are three, plus the final punctuation, which would be a period, exclamation point, question mark, etc. Dan :))

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

Thanks, Dan :-). I haven't written much horror recently so this helped get me back in the mood. 2012 is going to be nasty!

I've been on a years-long journey over ellipses. When I started here on FS, I used to use them without a preceding space because that's how I saw them used in newspapers etc. Then I got told off for it, so I started using a space. Then, of all writers, I saw Rama Devi using them without the space. When I asked her about it, she was adamant there was no fixed 'rule', and they could be used with or without the space. Hence, I've gone back to using them the way that feels most natural to me!

Mike

Comment from Hitcher

Exceptional

200 words of blood, guts and gore to sink one's teeth into and chew on for a while, ha ha. You are a malevolent comet moving through the cosmos Mike, no one writes gruesome horror like you mate, awesome visuals, Of course!
You got a book published mate? Nice! Congrats

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

Cheers, Hitch! I had to get myself back into the horror frame of mind, and this served the purpose. So glad you liked it, mate!

The book isn't published, sadly, but I've been playing with Photoshop to create the cover art I want to use, which is what you see as my profile pic at the moment. I'll be putting it out on Kindle once I've re-edited.

Mike

Comment from Jim Lorson Sr

Excellent

I read this three times not because I had to, buy because I wanted to. The image that this story creates is one of complete horror. To take that knife and cut yourself open takes some nuts or drugs. Then your ending was a total surprise. A heart instead of the implied apple.

Great piece of writing that is very well done,,,,,Jim

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

Thanks, Jim :-). I like to leave details to the reader like this, and it certainly got my brain back into 'horror mode' for the upcoming contests. Glad you liked it!

Mike

Comment from babylonia

Exceptional

Mike,
This is great and two hundred words just rolls off the tongue. I guess life didn't quite turn out like he thought it would. LOL made me smile and giggle and smiggle some more. Imagery is excellent.
Love,
Barbara

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

I thought you'd enjoy it, Barbara :-). I needed to get myself in the right mood for horror, and start 2012 with a violent bang!

Mike

reply by babylonia on 06-Jan-2012

mike,
that works for me. that's what i decided too. LOL unfortunately it has taken a few sicker turns than i expected. this is definitely not the story i started with a year ago. i'm looking to put two ebooks out this year. what can you tell me about formatting??? you can email me if you want. lilcoyote2002@people.pc
love,
barbara

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Excellent

Dang, Mike! Horror is right. This is madness on a grand scale. But Mike - a pallete knife? Ouch! Well written. Sick, but good. :D Nancy

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

Thank you, Nancy :-). I think effective horror is in the details as well as the imagination, so I was exploring that a little. So glad you liked it!

Mike

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

he sawed into his midriff with a palette knife - now that grabbed my attention!
his blood pumping like a waterfall with gleeful abandon - you have my full attention as I am intrigued by who this guy is and why he's doing this to himself
a shower of blood spatters and snapping sinew - vivid and eye-popping alliterative detail
He is feeding some evil eye that is controlling him from the toilet bowl - Good Lord, Mike - you've totally creeped me out! LOL
and then the final line - God have mercy! :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012

Happy New Year! lol, thank you, Brooke :-). I wanted to present a snippet full of clues, and let the reader fill in the surrounding story for themselves. I seem to have creeped, grossed, or weirded out several people with this one, so I count that a success!

Mike

reply by adewpearl on 06-Jan-2012

well, gee, Mike, if creeping out nice ladies across the globe is your ambition, who am I to judge ;-)