The Road Gods
Ever wonder why some roads are so deadly?22 total reviews
Comment from joan marie
Very good. I too write poems and then turn some of them into short stories. Did it with Nightwalker the poem and the Story. I am doing it now with Room Within A Room. Using it to help learn writing short stories. I am part of a group of the Florida's Writer's Assoc critique. It's free 4 times a month. Will look forward to reading story version. joan marie
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Very good. I too write poems and then turn some of them into short stories. Did it with Nightwalker the poem and the Story. I am doing it now with Room Within A Room. Using it to help learn writing short stories. I am part of a group of the Florida's Writer's Assoc critique. It's free 4 times a month. Will look forward to reading story version. joan marie
Comment Written 15-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Thanks for reading and taking the time to review, Joan Marie. I'm still pretty new here and haven't had a lot of time to catch up on people's prior work (not even my sister's, oops!) yet. I'm going to be trying to read some of the stories on the site, if I can quit writing long enough to do so. (I also write articles for several online publications to make $, so finding extra time to read can be a chore). You have some interesting titles, though and I'd like to take a peek. I'll let you know when I get them read.
Take it easy and again, thanks for the review - sherry
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If you are interested in publishing I suggeest Poet's Market. I go a used, almost brand new condition, for around $15 on PlumCircle. I have submitted and received my very first yes the first time I submitted. No money yet but my foot is in the door and on cover letters a prior publication reference looks good. List over 1600 places with detail info on each for submission requirements, what they publish, how long until they notify, what and if they pay, etc. It also contains a wealth of info on tips. jm
Comment from Nightwind1
I think the roads have more power than people give them credit. There used to a midieval faire group in the area, In one town they aptly named their city the Shire of St. Dept. Of course, street department signs played heavily into the group there. It was whimsical but those people were almost fanatic about it. This was a good entry to the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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I think the roads have more power than people give them credit. There used to a midieval faire group in the area, In one town they aptly named their city the Shire of St. Dept. Of course, street department signs played heavily into the group there. It was whimsical but those people were almost fanatic about it. This was a good entry to the contest.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read & review "The Road Gods". Hopefully those that vote will like it also, we'll see...
thanks for the well wishes, sherry
Comment from Judian James
Did you ever find Kimba? This is a very thought provoking piece about white man's lack of respect for all that has gone before. We can be such arrogants sorts. Our history shows it over and over again. Well written piece. Bravo
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Did you ever find Kimba? This is a very thought provoking piece about white man's lack of respect for all that has gone before. We can be such arrogants sorts. Our history shows it over and over again. Well written piece. Bravo
Comment Written 15-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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No Judian - We looked for her for over 5 years (3 of which included going to the area shelter EVERY day that it was open to the public). I looked for her every time I went anywhere in the car (or on foot), peering down side-streets and looking for her body in ditches. Though I ceased being quite as manic as I was the first couple of years, I was still looking until we moved from the town where she was lost (Austin) to Brownwood last year. I am convinced that is why my eyesight has deteriorated so badly in the past seven years.
For three years we had occasional sighting of her, but animal control could not catch her and the people who did manage to get close to her could not keep her in one place long enough for us to get to her. She was spotted at all of the places that she frequented with us, so I feel sure that she was trying to find us as desperately as we were searching for her.
If Kimba is still alive, she would have turned 10 years old 2 days before this past Christmas. We had her with us for not quite 3 years when she was lost by her babysitter.
Tears are dripping onto the keyboard as I write this and doubt that I will ever get over not knowing what happened to my "woofer-puppy".
Thanks for reading my work and asking about Kim - sherry
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In my portfolio is an essay called "Thomas" about an extraordinary cat that I had for 15 years. It's always unsettling when you are never quite sure what happened to them. I'm so sorry you've suffered so. It's very, very painful to lose a beloved pet.
Comment from Domino
Hi, Sherry
A mixture of excellent meter and stuttery lines, IMHO. A little 'da-DUM' meter tidyin up could improve the flow loads. Sure is an original idea; the 'road Gods' - I love it; inspired! How much damage those buggers cause.
Very interesting. Good luck and best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Hi, Sherry
A mixture of excellent meter and stuttery lines, IMHO. A little 'da-DUM' meter tidyin up could improve the flow loads. Sure is an original idea; the 'road Gods' - I love it; inspired! How much damage those buggers cause.
Very interesting. Good luck and best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 15-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Hey Ray - How ya doin' man? Thanks for reading Road Gods. I have played around with the meter and various wording on this thing for hours and if I get one of them right, then the other on is wrong. This is truly still a work in progress...eventually to be at least a short story, possibly more. Glad you thought it was inspired and original. My husband and I will actually be driving down the road and he'll look at me and say "Lots of roadkill - the Road Gods must be hungry today." I coined the term in a dream several years ago and am finally trying to exorcise them from my head...
thanks again - sherry
Comment from bard owl
Ooh! This is very original. The Road Gods. What an excellent new pathway to fear. I really enjoyed reading this one. I was anxious to see the ending. Best of luck in the contest. Blessings, Linda
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Ooh! This is very original. The Road Gods. What an excellent new pathway to fear. I really enjoyed reading this one. I was anxious to see the ending. Best of luck in the contest. Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 15-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Linda - Don't know if it was intentional or not, but I loved the play on words in your review! Thanks for taking the time, not just to read, but to review my post. Glad you enjoyed it. Just trying to purge some bad dreams, but I'm going to try to find the time to flesh this out into a short...
thanks for your kind words of encouragement - sherry
Comment from Fleedleflump
I love the idea of old gods using the modern creation of the road to slake their thirst for sacrifice. It's also close enough to home that your words may crop up in people's minds each time they see a car's victim at the side of the road, or the scene of an "accident".
Mike
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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I love the idea of old gods using the modern creation of the road to slake their thirst for sacrifice. It's also close enough to home that your words may crop up in people's minds each time they see a car's victim at the side of the road, or the scene of an "accident".
Mike
Comment Written 15-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read & review my poem. You are the first person that I know of (for sure) that actually "got" the poem. It will probably be a little clearer if I get around to expanding this to the short or novel that I've started working on...
Thanks again - sherry
Comment from Aleksandramarie
beast & man. use and
And even then there were (lots of non-descriptive moodless words here)
& cruel. use and
The Indians, they understood (if they is the Indians you can drop they- if they are the ghouls, for lack of a better word, it is not clear as written.
buck & does use and
great mood and story... you almost loose the mood toward the end, using the word 'picky' almost relegates the story to the level of an urban legend. You might want to pump up the macabre in the final lines.
- dashes are a choice, I fall victim to .... elipses. Be consistent and selective, overuse of them can put the piece in an amateur light or when you are famous, be one of your literary quirks.
Good luck, great piece, just really needs the pump up at the end.
Smiles, msp
NEW
love discerning...it gives the road Gods the power of choice, which makes the chance of becoming victim, even more spooky, Good Job
much better and smoother, you tweaked stuff I didn't point out.
Revise, Revise, Revise...everytime I open one of my poems, I tweak it.
smiles, msp
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009
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beast & man. use and
And even then there were (lots of non-descriptive moodless words here)
& cruel. use and
The Indians, they understood (if they is the Indians you can drop they- if they are the ghouls, for lack of a better word, it is not clear as written.
buck & does use and
great mood and story... you almost loose the mood toward the end, using the word 'picky' almost relegates the story to the level of an urban legend. You might want to pump up the macabre in the final lines.
- dashes are a choice, I fall victim to .... elipses. Be consistent and selective, overuse of them can put the piece in an amateur light or when you are famous, be one of your literary quirks.
Good luck, great piece, just really needs the pump up at the end.
Smiles, msp
NEW
love discerning...it gives the road Gods the power of choice, which makes the chance of becoming victim, even more spooky, Good Job
much better and smoother, you tweaked stuff I didn't point out.
Revise, Revise, Revise...everytime I open one of my poems, I tweak it.
smiles, msp
Comment Written 14-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and (LOL) critique my poem. I truly appreciate your help - I am still relatively new to writing fiction. I have corrected the obvious mistakes (&, -, etc) and think that I have changed the wording problems that you pointed out. If you could take another look and let me know what you think I would appreciate it a bunch!
Thanks so much - sherry
Comment from L Stout
The Road Gods, always hungry,
Not picky about their fare.
A dog or cat or school-bus will do
When the Road Gods leave their lair.
You have what all creepy poetry needs, a talent for the disturbing! This is creepy and unsettling, the idea of primitive sactifices being ignored both uneasy and interesting. Not terrifying in the sense that no particular character is in direct danger, but interesting and psychological in the way of something one thinks about at night, and that is itching away at them weeks after! Very Very well done and best of luck xx Lisa
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009
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The Road Gods, always hungry,
Not picky about their fare.
A dog or cat or school-bus will do
When the Road Gods leave their lair.
You have what all creepy poetry needs, a talent for the disturbing! This is creepy and unsettling, the idea of primitive sactifices being ignored both uneasy and interesting. Not terrifying in the sense that no particular character is in direct danger, but interesting and psychological in the way of something one thinks about at night, and that is itching away at them weeks after! Very Very well done and best of luck xx Lisa
Comment Written 14-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009
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Thank you so much, Lisa, for taking the time to read and review my poem. Your thoughtful comments have convinced me that I REALLY need to find the time to finish fleshing this out into either a short story or novel.
Couldn't tell whether you enjoyed it or not, but could tell that you were unsettled by it, which in horror work is just as good.
thanks for the review - sherry
Comment from DeboraDyess
Not a six because you're my sis ...
this poem hits me right where I lives!
And THAT'S why I'm not a poet!
Love it, Deb
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009
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Not a six because you're my sis ...
this poem hits me right where I lives!
And THAT'S why I'm not a poet!
Love it, Deb
Comment Written 14-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009
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Thanks Deb - I appreciate the 6, I worked hard on this one, as you know...
I wouldn't have started writing again if you hadn't badgered me into it, so any credit goes to you.
Love ya - sherry
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Thanks Deb - I appreciate the 6, I worked hard on this one, as you know...
I wouldn't have started writing again if you hadn't badgered me into it, so any credit goes to you.
Love ya - sherry
Comment from nor84
Excellent imagery and nice and spooky, too.
I wont' try to judge meter or rhyme because I'm not a poet, but I really enjoyed this, and that's all that counts. No spag seen.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009
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Excellent imagery and nice and spooky, too.
I wont' try to judge meter or rhyme because I'm not a poet, but I really enjoyed this, and that's all that counts. No spag seen.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2009
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read & review my poem. Glad you enjoyed it - hopefully I'll get the short story (or book?) posted before long and you can take a peak at that...
sherry