Indiscretion
The perils of cheating with her best friend25 total reviews
Comment from ~Dovey
A very potent piece of fiction. It had shades of Lorena Bobbit written all over it! lol Somehow, I don't think he's talking his way out of that situation! Good luck with the contest!
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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A very potent piece of fiction. It had shades of Lorena Bobbit written all over it! lol Somehow, I don't think he's talking his way out of that situation! Good luck with the contest!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Thanks so much for the kind review and encouragement.
Comment from Jo52800
Nice 100 words. You manage to create two distinct characters with your dialogue. Nicely done. Oh, and the crabs were a nice bad taste touch! Only one question. The punctuation on the sentence: "How could you, with my best friend?" needs some change. Maybe "How could you?! She's my best friend!"
Good luck in the contest
Jo
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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Nice 100 words. You manage to create two distinct characters with your dialogue. Nicely done. Oh, and the crabs were a nice bad taste touch! Only one question. The punctuation on the sentence: "How could you, with my best friend?" needs some change. Maybe "How could you?! She's my best friend!"
Good luck in the contest
Jo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Thanks for the kind words.
Comment from empire76
this definitely qualifies under the rules of the contest. There's the infifelity, there's the fact that he doesn't really appear sorry and the threat by the girl. All very real and believable.
Empi
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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this definitely qualifies under the rules of the contest. There's the infifelity, there's the fact that he doesn't really appear sorry and the threat by the girl. All very real and believable.
Empi
Comment Written 16-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Empi, thanks for the kind review. Bill
Comment from davidray
Tee hee hee. Enjoyed this. Yeah, in bad taste and all. I can only imagine what's in store for this guy. Best wishes in the contest.
David
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Tee hee hee. Enjoyed this. Yeah, in bad taste and all. I can only imagine what's in store for this guy. Best wishes in the contest.
David
Comment Written 16-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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David, thanks for the kind review and encouragement. Bill
Comment from ulster3
Hello bananafish.
Your dialogue was very well done, albeit the language was a bit crude. I see where it was essential. No offense taken here. Great luck to you in the contest. This kinda made me think of my latest post...well in a way. fondly, rebecca
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Hello bananafish.
Your dialogue was very well done, albeit the language was a bit crude. I see where it was essential. No offense taken here. Great luck to you in the contest. This kinda made me think of my latest post...well in a way. fondly, rebecca
Comment Written 16-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Rebecca, thanks so much for the kind words and encouragement. Now I'll have to check out your latest post. Regards, Bill
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So nice of you to do that Bill. fondly
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Sorry I had to laugh my sense of humor at this one especially at the reaction still I think this was expected after he slept with the best friend a definite no no I feel well done regards Fuller
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Sorry I had to laugh my sense of humor at this one especially at the reaction still I think this was expected after he slept with the best friend a definite no no I feel well done regards Fuller
Comment Written 16-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Thanks a lot for the kind review.
Comment from Louisaa-Lou
powerful words, and very descriptive. your choice of words supplied the true meaning behind the story and shows true talent in your writing skills.
continued success in the future.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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powerful words, and very descriptive. your choice of words supplied the true meaning behind the story and shows true talent in your writing skills.
continued success in the future.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Thanks so much for the kind words and comments.
Comment from adewpearl
Yep, bad taste all right. LOL This is not a vindictive wife or anything, is she? I love his excuse - what was I to do when she grabbed my crotch? LOL Well done if such a thing can be well done. ;-)
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Yep, bad taste all right. LOL This is not a vindictive wife or anything, is she? I love his excuse - what was I to do when she grabbed my crotch? LOL Well done if such a thing can be well done. ;-)
Comment Written 16-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Thanks so much Brooke, for the kind review and comments. As you know, it is a departure from my usual writings, but I figured I would give it a shot. Bill
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hey, the entries were fun, for the most part - there are always exceptions, and they were short - it doesn't get better than that for a reviewer! LOL
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Yes, I read all the entries and I agree.
Comment from ~Sarina Ali-McBride~
lol That was funny. I really liked that last sentence.
"Lose me??? You have a lot more to worry about than that. You better hope I don't cut it off while you're sleeping and ram it down your throat!"
That was good... lol
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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lol That was funny. I really liked that last sentence.
"Lose me??? You have a lot more to worry about than that. You better hope I don't cut it off while you're sleeping and ram it down your throat!"
That was good... lol
Comment Written 16-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Nicole, thanks so much for the kind review. I'm glad you liked the last sentence. Bill
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You're welcome. :)
Comment from Domino
Hi, Mate
'Bad taste' with 'crabs' eh? It would've been if he'd gone down on her as well. LMAO!. I have trouble with dialogue, too, but you've done an excellent job with this. If I were him, I think I'd sleep in the spare room, and lock it. LOL! Ray xx
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Hi, Mate
'Bad taste' with 'crabs' eh? It would've been if he'd gone down on her as well. LMAO!. I have trouble with dialogue, too, but you've done an excellent job with this. If I were him, I think I'd sleep in the spare room, and lock it. LOL! Ray xx
Comment Written 16-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008
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Ray, thanks so much for the kind review and funny comments. I was thinking the same, as far as the sexual possibilities, but figured I better draw the line, somewhere. Cheers, Bill
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I realise you were confined by word count, Bill. Should be 1000 not 100 as I can't get enough 'bad taste', myself. LOL. Ray xx
