The Poets Menagerie
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "The Nature of Mother "A collection of poems
23 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Great sentiment/thoughts.
This protection a gift of trutbs untold - (truths)
This wilderness released a freedoms roam - (freedom's?)
Where eagles spin light and land in earths loam - (earth's)
Myriad life in stones dense quiet sleep. - (stone's?)
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2024
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Great sentiment/thoughts.
This protection a gift of trutbs untold - (truths)
This wilderness released a freedoms roam - (freedom's?)
Where eagles spin light and land in earths loam - (earth's)
Myriad life in stones dense quiet sleep. - (stone's?)
Best wishes.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2024
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You always have such a great eye. I'm becoming up reliant upon it! Wayne, you get the best reviews and the best comments. Thank you so much! I'm glad you found it interesting. Hey You stopped in for a read and offered you great rating too. I hope santa comes down your chimney and gives you everything you want and deserved and that you and yours would be well and have an awesome night.Thank you!
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
This is a great blank expression poem. I don't know what your parameters were, but this poem looks good to me. I know I'm not much help. The poem flows smoothly and from beginning to end.
I found one small typo:
Where stone reached to graze lofty (saphire) sky-(sapphire)
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Cecilia
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2024
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This is a great blank expression poem. I don't know what your parameters were, but this poem looks good to me. I know I'm not much help. The poem flows smoothly and from beginning to end.
I found one small typo:
Where stone reached to graze lofty (saphire) sky-(sapphire)
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Cecilia
Comment Written 20-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2024
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Thank you, Cecilia, thank you for pointing out that Aaron. Spelling as well.I need these kinds of things because they're come from the reader, and the reader is really the important one when one when writing a book or poetry. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it very much and for your fine rating too, and mostly the time you spent in doing so. I hope that you and yours have a wonderful holiday and your day is grand too!
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You're welcome. That what we do have each others back.
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Thank you very much!
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You're welcome
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-I have never tried this form, either.
-You have very good nature imagery.
-I like the image "realm of dreamers."
-A very good line with "Kaleidoscope of life."
-Very good concluding lines.
-You paint a good word picture of nature.
-Good luck in the contest.
*a couple of small things:
a typo with saphire [sapphire]
[typo: trutbs]
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2024
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-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-I have never tried this form, either.
-You have very good nature imagery.
-I like the image "realm of dreamers."
-A very good line with "Kaleidoscope of life."
-Very good concluding lines.
-You paint a good word picture of nature.
-Good luck in the contest.
*a couple of small things:
a typo with saphire [sapphire]
[typo: trutbs]
Comment Written 20-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2024
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Oh, that's great, thank you so much for playing that out.Appreciate it.I'm so happy you like it, too! Thank you so much for your kind comments for your great writing.And most of all, for your time. I hope that you and yours have the best holiday. Ever You get everything you need and deserve. You're having a grand evening too. Thanks again!
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You are very welcome, and your reply is very meaningful to me. I believe in helping people, not criticizing or just ignoring things. I hope you have a very good holiday season and a good evening, too. Anytime you have questions, don't hesitate to ask. To your credit, you tackled a difficult form. I have never tried it, and it seems like too much work to go to that I wouldn't enjoy doing. Take care and have a great evening.
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Thank you so much. I'm very, very well take you up on that.Enjoy your night!
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You are very welcome and enjoy your night, too. I live in NJ an it is snowing right now. I don't think it is supposed to be much, but it is pretty to look at.
Comment from Begin Again
I am not a poet and this particular one left me scratching my head...not for the same reason you noted though. I loved the picture and tried to put the words with it, but I am not sure I got your intended vision. My apologies.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2024
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I am not a poet and this particular one left me scratching my head...not for the same reason you noted though. I loved the picture and tried to put the words with it, but I am not sure I got your intended vision. My apologies.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 20-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2024
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It's all fine Carol, no worries. Poetry is subject to interpretation, and I leave it up to the reader to decide what it means to them. And if for a fact, it'll give you a head scratcher, that's not necessarily a bad thing either, it makes the weird think? And that gives me pause to either correct or to Say, keep on thinking it is a bit abstract.And I plan to change some words and try and get more in line with the lambic parameter which often eludes me. Thank you so very much for your kind review, and for your great rating.Most of all your time. I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday that santa brings you everything you need and deserve and that your evening is great too.Thanks again!
Comment from Gloria ....
Hey good to see you have entered the blank verse contest. Your vivid descriptions sounds like the place I live, so that's great.
Just a couple of points: blank verse by definition has no end of line rhymes, and you have written in rhymed couplets. It should be a relatively easy repair as you can just reword every second line to eliminate the end rhymes.
Also for the most part this is not written in iambic pentameter, but seeing that the contest sponsor offered some leeway there just do the best you can. I've rearranged the first four lines, using mostly your words to give you an idea how iambic metre works.
The shattering heights earths rugged cracked face
The shattered heights of earth's cracked, rugged face
A realm of dreamers a whispered slow pace
A realm of dreamers whispered slow for years (eliminated the rhyme)
Where stone reached to graze lofty saphire sky
Where stone reached up to graze the sapphire sky
Blue clouds slip in, a stealthy, drifting high
Blue clouds slipped in like stealthy drifting mist (eliminated the rhyme)
Just a few other points to consider: some of your wording is abstract. In a poetic of this nature it is best to use concrete imagery, so that you could read your poem to a blind person and they would be able to picture it in their mind's eye. You have enough touchstones that would spark images such as the wildlife so that would ground people in a sense of place.
Watch out for tense switches, such as blue clouds SLIP in which is present tense compared to where stone REACHED which is past tense.
Also remove the art credit as it reveals your identity and this is a blind contest.
To get an idea of blank verse read some of the other entries. Spiderweb is a fine example of the form.
That said there is still time to edit before the contest deadline. Your syllable count is correct.
Congratulations on your first blank verse and all the best to you with the voters!
Much enjoyed. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2024
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Hey good to see you have entered the blank verse contest. Your vivid descriptions sounds like the place I live, so that's great.
Just a couple of points: blank verse by definition has no end of line rhymes, and you have written in rhymed couplets. It should be a relatively easy repair as you can just reword every second line to eliminate the end rhymes.
Also for the most part this is not written in iambic pentameter, but seeing that the contest sponsor offered some leeway there just do the best you can. I've rearranged the first four lines, using mostly your words to give you an idea how iambic metre works.
The shattering heights earths rugged cracked face
The shattered heights of earth's cracked, rugged face
A realm of dreamers a whispered slow pace
A realm of dreamers whispered slow for years (eliminated the rhyme)
Where stone reached to graze lofty saphire sky
Where stone reached up to graze the sapphire sky
Blue clouds slip in, a stealthy, drifting high
Blue clouds slipped in like stealthy drifting mist (eliminated the rhyme)
Just a few other points to consider: some of your wording is abstract. In a poetic of this nature it is best to use concrete imagery, so that you could read your poem to a blind person and they would be able to picture it in their mind's eye. You have enough touchstones that would spark images such as the wildlife so that would ground people in a sense of place.
Watch out for tense switches, such as blue clouds SLIP in which is present tense compared to where stone REACHED which is past tense.
Also remove the art credit as it reveals your identity and this is a blind contest.
To get an idea of blank verse read some of the other entries. Spiderweb is a fine example of the form.
That said there is still time to edit before the contest deadline. Your syllable count is correct.
Congratulations on your first blank verse and all the best to you with the voters!
Much enjoyed. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 20-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2024
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Hi, gloria.What an amazing review you have provided! I'm so happy you pointed this out to me. As it is my first kick, if you can as far as this type of poetry girls, it often confuses me. So I really appreciate your suggestions for edit. After all, the reader is the most important in any writing. So thank you again, and thank you for the great rating and awesome. Comments and for your time as well. I hope Santa brings you all you deserve. And wish for have a wonderful evening.Thank you again!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
My head spins when I count syllables and, for some reason this verse has to have a total of 200 (100 per stanza). I counted the first stanza and you seemed to be nearly there but your second seems significantly short. That said, I thoroughly enjoyed your scene of nature which is every bit as colourful as the visual. The (mostly) rhyming couplets give the whole verse a pleasing fluency. My favourite line: Where stone reached out in hope to graze the sky (a beautiful image which reminds me of a poet who is very well acquainted with a mountainous landscape:) Thank you for sharing this impressively imaginative poem. Whether it fits the brief or not, I wish you the luck it deserves! Debbie
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2024
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My head spins when I count syllables and, for some reason this verse has to have a total of 200 (100 per stanza). I counted the first stanza and you seemed to be nearly there but your second seems significantly short. That said, I thoroughly enjoyed your scene of nature which is every bit as colourful as the visual. The (mostly) rhyming couplets give the whole verse a pleasing fluency. My favourite line: Where stone reached out in hope to graze the sky (a beautiful image which reminds me of a poet who is very well acquainted with a mountainous landscape:) Thank you for sharing this impressively imaginative poem. Whether it fits the brief or not, I wish you the luck it deserves! Debbie
Comment Written 19-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2024
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Oh, you knowYour advice is the best more than you know! I went ahead inside. I made every correction. I could think of I did the 100 syllables per. Stanza, I tried to keep it in in correct lambic parameter. I did go ahead and make yet again.Another effort, although this is completely new for me. Thank you again, debbie.I hope santa comes down your chimney and says ho.Ho ho!
Comment from EILEEN LAW
As usual your writing is descriptive and deep. I like the picture attached to it as well. I look forward to reading your work all the time. I cant wait for your next book to be done!
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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As usual your writing is descriptive and deep. I like the picture attached to it as well. I look forward to reading your work all the time. I cant wait for your next book to be done!
Comment Written 18-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Oh, wowThank you so much for the kind review and for the amazing six stars for which I am most appreciative! I hope you enjoy your holiday and happy new year!
Comment from Brenda Strauser
Love the picture. It is so vivid and colorful. The poem rhymes well. The words you used in the poem describe the different aspects of the picture Well. Great writing.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Love the picture. It is so vivid and colorful. The poem rhymes well. The words you used in the poem describe the different aspects of the picture Well. Great writing.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it! I thank you too for your kind words.Your great rating, and for your time most of all, I appreciate so much. I hope you have a wonderful holiday.And that your day is great, too!
Comment from Elizabeth Delaney
Great poem.
Beautiful imageary.
I cant say if the technique is right but either way I found your writing refershing and vivid.
Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Great poem.
Beautiful imageary.
I cant say if the technique is right but either way I found your writing refershing and vivid.
Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Thank you Elizabeth, very kind of you to say! I appreciate your time you're fine rating. And for all your great comments, and also i'm pleased that you like the poem.Thanks very much.Have an awesome day!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I liked reading this poem. It had several really good lines in iambic meter, with four feet (tetrameter), like: Where stone reached out to graze the sky
Where eagles dance and land in loam
The stretch of wings, a rolling breeze
The deer's repast in meadows green
Kaleidoscope of life serene
To get them to achieve five feet per line (pentameter), you would have to add two more syllables. Also, blank verse does not require end rhymes. In fact, you would avoid using them except for maybe two lines once in a poem. Examples or suggestions:
Where stone reached out in faith to graze the sky
Where eagles dance and land in sandy loam
The deer's repast is found in meadows green
I watch kaleidoscope of life serene
I know blank verse is a challenge when you are trying it out. It is one of my favorite forms to use now.
One suggestion on this line, which already has iambic meter:
In valley shaped by carve, by stream
I think it might sound better like this:
In valley shaped by carving stream
But to have it contain five iambic feet, you could add two more syllables, maybe like this:
In valley shaped by gentle, carving stream
I know you are pretty close on most of the other lines. If you have time you can come back to the other lines on another day. Thank goodness I am not a judge on any of these contests. I sure can tell you have been working on using iambic meter, and the iambic pentameter is just a couple of syllables away on most of these lines.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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I liked reading this poem. It had several really good lines in iambic meter, with four feet (tetrameter), like: Where stone reached out to graze the sky
Where eagles dance and land in loam
The stretch of wings, a rolling breeze
The deer's repast in meadows green
Kaleidoscope of life serene
To get them to achieve five feet per line (pentameter), you would have to add two more syllables. Also, blank verse does not require end rhymes. In fact, you would avoid using them except for maybe two lines once in a poem. Examples or suggestions:
Where stone reached out in faith to graze the sky
Where eagles dance and land in sandy loam
The deer's repast is found in meadows green
I watch kaleidoscope of life serene
I know blank verse is a challenge when you are trying it out. It is one of my favorite forms to use now.
One suggestion on this line, which already has iambic meter:
In valley shaped by carve, by stream
I think it might sound better like this:
In valley shaped by carving stream
But to have it contain five iambic feet, you could add two more syllables, maybe like this:
In valley shaped by gentle, carving stream
I know you are pretty close on most of the other lines. If you have time you can come back to the other lines on another day. Thank goodness I am not a judge on any of these contests. I sure can tell you have been working on using iambic meter, and the iambic pentameter is just a couple of syllables away on most of these lines.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Thank you for the most awesome review! I really appreciate your suggestion for change. Because I'm quite a novice at this type of Poetry. But I thought, even if I failed, it's not really a failure, because I learned something, it's just a way that doesn't work kinda like a scientist. Thank you very much for your kind review and for your suggestions, much valuable to me and I hope you have a great day!
