Silent Voices
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Venom "Verses of personification
29 total reviews
Comment from John Ciarmello
I'm sorry to hear about your sis, Jess! It seems a horrid life and a horrid death. Addictions are a love affair, and the worst part, as you state so solidly in your piece, is the way one hates to love what's wanted or, worse, what's needed.
Beautiful! Best, JohnC
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I'm sorry to hear about your sis, Jess! It seems a horrid life and a horrid death. Addictions are a love affair, and the worst part, as you state so solidly in your piece, is the way one hates to love what's wanted or, worse, what's needed.
Beautiful! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
Comment from Jim Wile
Bravo on an outstanding poem, Jess! Your personification of addiction as a serpent masquerading as a human is such an apt one as your sister also perceived it. It is a formidable foe which exerts such power over its victims that they are almost helpless to escape its grasp. And not only that, but it continues to spread to those close to the victim even after their demise. Hard to imagine a more powerful enemy. It's been featured heavily in one of my stories and is likely the subject of my next one.
I loved the meter you chose with its 3-3-5 pattern of feet, which you executed flawlessly. Just a beautiful job!
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Bravo on an outstanding poem, Jess! Your personification of addiction as a serpent masquerading as a human is such an apt one as your sister also perceived it. It is a formidable foe which exerts such power over its victims that they are almost helpless to escape its grasp. And not only that, but it continues to spread to those close to the victim even after their demise. Hard to imagine a more powerful enemy. It's been featured heavily in one of my stories and is likely the subject of my next one.
I loved the meter you chose with its 3-3-5 pattern of feet, which you executed flawlessly. Just a beautiful job!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
Comment from jim vecchio
Thank God I never got addicted to drugs, but, in my youth I overdrank and I still recall its hold on me. Then came opiates, which I am staying clear of now. I don't want a small bottle or little pill to control my life. Thank you for this honest and important piece.
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Thank God I never got addicted to drugs, but, in my youth I overdrank and I still recall its hold on me. Then came opiates, which I am staying clear of now. I don't want a small bottle or little pill to control my life. Thank you for this honest and important piece.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
Comment from Begin Again
Your poem is moving and sent chills throughout my body. As a tribute to your sister, this is awesome and hopefully others will see the truth behind the evil drug... a slithering snake for sure. Well done!
Hugs, Carol
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Your poem is moving and sent chills throughout my body. As a tribute to your sister, this is awesome and hopefully others will see the truth behind the evil drug... a slithering snake for sure. Well done!
Hugs, Carol
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
Comment from GoWiSt
Interesting, apt complementary picture art choice.
Nice reading flow and rhymes.
"But louder growls the craving you keep curving." Hmm! How does one 'curve' a crave?
Wow! Very good metaphoric imagery expressed in this.
Is the serpent symbolic of a false/dangerous lover?
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Interesting, apt complementary picture art choice.
Nice reading flow and rhymes.
"But louder growls the craving you keep curving." Hmm! How does one 'curve' a crave?
Wow! Very good metaphoric imagery expressed in this.
Is the serpent symbolic of a false/dangerous lover?
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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I've revised that line- thank you for pointing that out!
This chapter is part of a collection of personification poetry. This particular piece is meant to personify addiction.
Thanks again for your helpful review!
Xo
Jess
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Damn, Jessica, I literally got goosebumps while reading this! If your goal is to connect with and emotionally involve your readers, you've done it here. Every line was chilling and so well expressed. The serpent became real for me.
I'm so sorry that you had to become familiar with addiction through a loved one, and I'm so sorry she lost her battle.
I think this is the best thing I've read from you - and that's saying a lot.
Take care.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Damn, Jessica, I literally got goosebumps while reading this! If your goal is to connect with and emotionally involve your readers, you've done it here. Every line was chilling and so well expressed. The serpent became real for me.
I'm so sorry that you had to become familiar with addiction through a loved one, and I'm so sorry she lost her battle.
I think this is the best thing I've read from you - and that's saying a lot.
Take care.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Pam, that means the world to me. As always, I am beyond grateful for your kindness and sincerity.
Thank you <3
Jess
Comment from Sally Law
I knew this would be great and I knew for some odd reason it was what I needed to read today. I just lost the last of my living brothers to alcoholism on Monday. This has hit me hard because in my heart and mind he's the hero of my childhood. I choose to remember him in that golden light. My brother never saw his addition as such although our father was an alcoholic and beat our mother. I don't really get that. I don't drink, at all, or do drugs of any kind. I've seen what it can do and it's quite enough.
Again, my friend, I'm so sorry for the loss of Kelly. I ache for you. I know because I have lost five brothers. It hurts so bad.
Love,
Sal Xos
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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I knew this would be great and I knew for some odd reason it was what I needed to read today. I just lost the last of my living brothers to alcoholism on Monday. This has hit me hard because in my heart and mind he's the hero of my childhood. I choose to remember him in that golden light. My brother never saw his addition as such although our father was an alcoholic and beat our mother. I don't really get that. I don't drink, at all, or do drugs of any kind. I've seen what it can do and it's quite enough.
Again, my friend, I'm so sorry for the loss of Kelly. I ache for you. I know because I have lost five brothers. It hurts so bad.
Love,
Sal Xos
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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My dear Sally, I am deeply sorry to hear this and for the pain you're going through. Your words resonate with me and though it pains me that you can empathize, I cherish your kindness and understanding. There's nothing more heartbreaking than watching someone you love struggle with addiction. It leaves you feeling completely helpless. Kelly was taken so young, but sometimes I wonder how much worse it may have been if she had lived longer, with more time to love her, only to lose her battle later in life. My heart breaks for you, my friend. <3
It still hurts but I'm grateful for the time we had together. Like you, I have placed her memory in the light she had.
My heart and prayers are with you.
Xoxo
Jess
Comment from Barry Penfold
A well put together poem. Thoughtful and personally important to you. Your sister's assessment that she was facing a snake is very apt. Your poem clearly illustrates the battle she had. Thanks for sharing and I hope that writing it has helped you come to grips with her death.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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A well put together poem. Thoughtful and personally important to you. Your sister's assessment that she was facing a snake is very apt. Your poem clearly illustrates the battle she had. Thanks for sharing and I hope that writing it has helped you come to grips with her death.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Barry, thank you so much.
Xoxo
Comment from Shirley Ann Bunyan
Hi Jessica,
Oh, my. This is so raw, true and heart-wrenching.
Skilful in metre and rhyme which only adds to the gravity of the subject.
The last stanza is particularly poignant.
'And when your heart is stilled,
the pain will only build.
In death, you pass your burden to the grieving.
For once the snake has killed,
it spreads what has been spilled.
The venom reaches far beyond your leaving.'
I am so sorry for the loss of your sister x
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Hi Jessica,
Oh, my. This is so raw, true and heart-wrenching.
Skilful in metre and rhyme which only adds to the gravity of the subject.
The last stanza is particularly poignant.
'And when your heart is stilled,
the pain will only build.
In death, you pass your burden to the grieving.
For once the snake has killed,
it spreads what has been spilled.
The venom reaches far beyond your leaving.'
I am so sorry for the loss of your sister x
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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I appreciate this so much. Thank you for your thoughtful review and kind words!! It means a lot!
Xo
Jessica
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Virtual hugs, Jessica x
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Jessica!
I am so sorry you had to witness your sister's addiction battle and that she was lost to that battle so young. Your o virus emotion and exceptional rhymes make this a powerful piece of poetry. Bravo!!
Kim
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Hi Jessica!
I am so sorry you had to witness your sister's addiction battle and that she was lost to that battle so young. Your o virus emotion and exceptional rhymes make this a powerful piece of poetry. Bravo!!
Kim
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Kim, thank you so much. That means the world!!
Xoxo