Miss Snider's Amazing Gift
The view From the Window of My Tiny Stone Cottage38 total reviews
Comment from Paul Manton
Just beautiful Jay. My last six can reside nowhere else.
Yes, it was long, but my eyes never left the text - from your 'Irish' cottage to the passing of that rare lady. That Anna did not inform you immediately goes perfectly with the gentility of all the relationships.
As always, there isn't enough space to do this account justice, so a brief excursion: the three dimensional nature of the described characters is a very strong binding quality in the text - I found myself easily identifying with you all - and I heard that piano music very clearly. Debussy or Chopin?
Rudolf Steiner I do know - he has a strong input into a charity which I have supported for decades (for mentally disabled adults in 'farming' or 'creative' communities. Some run bakeries, others craft shops.) But although his initiative gave birth to these wonderful charities, his philosophy is for me still quasi- religious. Respect but not discipleship.
Too much more, too little space: utterly natural dialogue (sounds like perfect recall) and seamless between dialogue and reminiscence.
Thank goodness I had one six left!
Paul
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2023
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Just beautiful Jay. My last six can reside nowhere else.
Yes, it was long, but my eyes never left the text - from your 'Irish' cottage to the passing of that rare lady. That Anna did not inform you immediately goes perfectly with the gentility of all the relationships.
As always, there isn't enough space to do this account justice, so a brief excursion: the three dimensional nature of the described characters is a very strong binding quality in the text - I found myself easily identifying with you all - and I heard that piano music very clearly. Debussy or Chopin?
Rudolf Steiner I do know - he has a strong input into a charity which I have supported for decades (for mentally disabled adults in 'farming' or 'creative' communities. Some run bakeries, others craft shops.) But although his initiative gave birth to these wonderful charities, his philosophy is for me still quasi- religious. Respect but not discipleship.
Too much more, too little space: utterly natural dialogue (sounds like perfect recall) and seamless between dialogue and reminiscence.
Thank goodness I had one six left!
Paul
Comment Written 03-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2023
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Paul, I couldn't have hoped for a more positive response from you. I knew it would be kind because that's your nature, but touching on each of the points that you found particularly effective ... that's more than a writer can expect from a reviewer here. Thank you sir -- and it was Chopin, my only choice of music while I write.
Jay
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Chopin sounds just right.
I can tell you, Jay, I'm not always kind.
But then I only review a few!
Very best from Paul
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Jay,
I can see by your picture that you're no longer 23. No doubt your writing has improved by leaps and bounds since those early days. This was truly a pleasure to read. Some people seem to be chosen to receive special blessings in their lives. It would appear that you were chosen to share that time in the cottage with Miss Snider as your landlady. What a great story Jay. Thanks so much for sharing this. Well done.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Hello Jay,
I can see by your picture that you're no longer 23. No doubt your writing has improved by leaps and bounds since those early days. This was truly a pleasure to read. Some people seem to be chosen to receive special blessings in their lives. It would appear that you were chosen to share that time in the cottage with Miss Snider as your landlady. What a great story Jay. Thanks so much for sharing this. Well done.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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I'm so happy this story held some special enjoyment for you. Nope, Tom, I ain't no 23 no more! Sometimes I feel like I've aged another 23 years over night. God Bless, my friend, and thanks for the six lovely stars.
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You earned them Jay. By the way, I like the updated picture. Blessings,
Tom
Comment from LJbutterfly
I didn't bring a change of clothes or a snack, but I did stop midway through and took a fifteen minute nap. (Lol. not really)
This is exceptionally descriptive. I could easily envision and enjoy every scene.
It's my examination of long flowing and informative sentences like the following, that demonstrates how I can make my own writing tighter.
"Miss Snider plucked the top one, opened it and turned a few pages with her long, thin fingers and short rounded nails, glistening red under the chandeliered light." (There is a lot of information in this sentence)
I read your stories to examine, enjoy, and to learn.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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I didn't bring a change of clothes or a snack, but I did stop midway through and took a fifteen minute nap. (Lol. not really)
This is exceptionally descriptive. I could easily envision and enjoy every scene.
It's my examination of long flowing and informative sentences like the following, that demonstrates how I can make my own writing tighter.
"Miss Snider plucked the top one, opened it and turned a few pages with her long, thin fingers and short rounded nails, glistening red under the chandeliered light." (There is a lot of information in this sentence)
I read your stories to examine, enjoy, and to learn.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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I'm really glad when my story can help a writer see her own writing in a different light. I don't remember now how long her nails were, and I kept trying, as I wrote this, to make her nails beautifully long, but then I realized, since she was an accomplished pianist, she couldn't have had long nails. But they could still glisten red (and while I'm at it why not give another indication of wealth with the chandelier. Thank you so much, Lorraine!
Comment from BethShelby
This is a very touching story. I can imagine how your must have been at 23. It is still an awkward age but not as bad as a teenager. You were guessing Miss Snider was maybe 20 years older than you. That would still make her young to die. It sounds as thought that circumstances that led you to the stone cottage was meant to be and I agree that most things in life seem to somehow prearranged. The lady knew immediated that you were the one meant to rent her cottage. I can see how those day would have a profound effect on a young writer.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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This is a very touching story. I can imagine how your must have been at 23. It is still an awkward age but not as bad as a teenager. You were guessing Miss Snider was maybe 20 years older than you. That would still make her young to die. It sounds as thought that circumstances that led you to the stone cottage was meant to be and I agree that most things in life seem to somehow prearranged. The lady knew immediated that you were the one meant to rent her cottage. I can see how those day would have a profound effect on a young writer.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much, Beth. Yes, I think she was about 50, or so.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Beautifully written very well done what a lovely lovely sad but beautiful story. Your writing is so articulate that the picture in my mind is so detailed and clear that only a true born talented writer can create.
Beautiful college with lovely people and sad to see. Such wonderful folks leave, but know that we see them again.
Well done. .
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Beautifully written very well done what a lovely lovely sad but beautiful story. Your writing is so articulate that the picture in my mind is so detailed and clear that only a true born talented writer can create.
Beautiful college with lovely people and sad to see. Such wonderful folks leave, but know that we see them again.
Well done. .
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Lea. I'm happy it elicited such emotions from you. I appreciate your kind words, and of course, the six lovely stars.
Comment from damommy
Goodness, what wonderful writing!!!! I was sucked into the story and stayed until the last word. I can only aspire to write like this someday, if I live long enough. hahaha. Seriously, this story is awesome. Truly.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Goodness, what wonderful writing!!!! I was sucked into the story and stayed until the last word. I can only aspire to write like this someday, if I live long enough. hahaha. Seriously, this story is awesome. Truly.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Whoa! I'll never want to come down, Yvonne! Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.
Jay
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Much deserved and true.
Comment from Ulla
Wow, so this is what happened to you at the tender age of 23, Jay. It is not only very well written, but you capture an atmosphere in this unique piece, which is like a tapestry of small things, which you weave into your story. I can understand why it will be something you have always remembered. Ms Snider took you under her wing, and let you have little slice of her and her life. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. It is a gem. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Wow, so this is what happened to you at the tender age of 23, Jay. It is not only very well written, but you capture an atmosphere in this unique piece, which is like a tapestry of small things, which you weave into your story. I can understand why it will be something you have always remembered. Ms Snider took you under her wing, and let you have little slice of her and her life. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. It is a gem. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much, Ulla. The contest really isn't all that important. It's just that after I spend so much time carving out a story, and if there is a contest at FS, I'm going to slot it in. Again thanks. And for the six!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Love the first two paragraphs - the first painting such an idyllic setting; the second jerking us out of that space and placing us in reality.
Only a writer would follow behind someone and take note of every detail of their body, dress, movement . . . Then use it later!
Reverse memory exercises - how interesting.
You would see Miss Snider another time? You're going to leave us hanging there? Her ghost? I can't wait - start writing the rest of this story immediately, lol!
Seriously, Jay, this was a beautiful thing to read. The story, of course, but just the way you write makes everything a little more special.
And, seriously, I hope you follow up on your promise:-)
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Love the first two paragraphs - the first painting such an idyllic setting; the second jerking us out of that space and placing us in reality.
Only a writer would follow behind someone and take note of every detail of their body, dress, movement . . . Then use it later!
Reverse memory exercises - how interesting.
You would see Miss Snider another time? You're going to leave us hanging there? Her ghost? I can't wait - start writing the rest of this story immediately, lol!
Seriously, Jay, this was a beautiful thing to read. The story, of course, but just the way you write makes everything a little more special.
And, seriously, I hope you follow up on your promise:-)
xo
Pam
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Oh, yes, Pam, I'm working on the sequel as we speak, but I am so insufferably slow a writer that it may take some time for it to arrive.
Please be patient. So kind of you to award this a six!
Jay
Comment from Wendy G
Beautiful story, engrossing, mysterious, and very moving. It has an almost ethereal air to it. A most enjoyable and compelling read, with a good reminder of the importance of a sense of connection with others, something which is perhaps becoming less common perhaps, but therefore more precious.
Wendy
(And I love your photo!)
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Beautiful story, engrossing, mysterious, and very moving. It has an almost ethereal air to it. A most enjoyable and compelling read, with a good reminder of the importance of a sense of connection with others, something which is perhaps becoming less common perhaps, but therefore more precious.
Wendy
(And I love your photo!)
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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You are too kind, Wendy. I thank you so much for your encouragement. The picture ...? Just something my face cooked up!
Jay
Comment from lyenochka
Beautifully written. I know your writing style is typically long but this one really warranted it because you had to build that relationship and learning about the Steiner technique so that we could feel the pain when you described the mutual grieving in "Two trellised structures, each supporting the other." Loved it!
I also liked your metaphor of "a sparrow that had just lit on a branch" and how appropriate that she just met a "Jay."
Suggestion:
"Here are the Steiner's you wanted." (Steiners) feels like a simple plural
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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Beautifully written. I know your writing style is typically long but this one really warranted it because you had to build that relationship and learning about the Steiner technique so that we could feel the pain when you described the mutual grieving in "Two trellised structures, each supporting the other." Loved it!
I also liked your metaphor of "a sparrow that had just lit on a branch" and how appropriate that she just met a "Jay."
Suggestion:
"Here are the Steiner's you wanted." (Steiners) feels like a simple plural
Comment Written 02-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2023
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You are absolutely right on pluralizing Steiner! Thank you, Helen. And for the six stars!
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I am sure it was Mr. Autocorrect that did it, not you!
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No, that was one that just seemed right until your nudge made me think about it.