House for Sale
except there's been a murder15 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting mystery murder. Darrell, after the scene in his home, makes a good suspect that it is no big deal if he gets killed. His wife shoots him and finally steps up for herself. She deserves a reward. Good mystery well written with no obvious errors.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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This is an interesting mystery murder. Darrell, after the scene in his home, makes a good suspect that it is no big deal if he gets killed. His wife shoots him and finally steps up for herself. She deserves a reward. Good mystery well written with no obvious errors.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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thanks, Carol. I guess I should've made him seem nicer at the beginning, so the reader wouldn't automatically suspect him. Also, as regards Alice, he would have shot her, so her self defense plea should be legit, I think.
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I feared Alice didn't have it in her to dare to end her miserable husband's life.
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yeah. But she'd finally had enough and she didn't want to be a part of killing Maisie and Ruth.
Comment from judiverse
Tis great. It should be a strong contender in the contest, and best of luck. Your characterizations are good. I feel sorry for Darrell's poor wife. Maisie and Ruth are pretty brave. Turns out carrying Mace was a good idea. I like the idea of Maisie buying the house and finding the money Lettie had hidden. There is a part in the story where you use present tense whereas the rest is present tense. It's the paragraph beginning Darrell had his gun on. judi
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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Tis great. It should be a strong contender in the contest, and best of luck. Your characterizations are good. I feel sorry for Darrell's poor wife. Maisie and Ruth are pretty brave. Turns out carrying Mace was a good idea. I like the idea of Maisie buying the house and finding the money Lettie had hidden. There is a part in the story where you use present tense whereas the rest is present tense. It's the paragraph beginning Darrell had his gun on. judi
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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hmm, I'll see if I can find it. thanks
thanks for reading and commenting, Judi!
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You'd been doing fine keeping to past tense and then switched to present. I think writers do that when they get all involved in their story. judi
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thanks again. been filling out medical stuff for new doc - taking forever. haven't corrected House yet.
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I know. All those forms can take time. I've had problems with some of the insurance forms. I really liked your "House for Sale" story. judi
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thanks, Judi!
It's depressing when twenty some odd people have viewed it but only 6 have reviewed it, and I worked hard to get it up in the top 10 spots so more people would see it.
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It is discouraging. I've had the same trouble with scripts. I have a hard time getting 15 reviews even if I post it up to one of the top twelve spots. judi
Comment from Ulla
This was long read, indeed..maybe a little too long for one reading..it could easily have been broken.into.tl two parts or three even.. Nevertheless N interesting story and plot. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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This was long read, indeed..maybe a little too long for one reading..it could easily have been broken.into.tl two parts or three even.. Nevertheless N interesting story and plot. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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thanks for sticking with it.
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow. I can see this story getting real long and turn into a novel for sure.
I enjoyed reading it as the suspense from paragraph to paragraph kept building.
Good cover at the beginning trying to show Darrell as a good father only to be realized as the scumbag he was. (sorry I couldn't think of another word, wait, abuser).
Nicely composed, best of luck in the contest.
Cheers,
John
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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Wow. I can see this story getting real long and turn into a novel for sure.
I enjoyed reading it as the suspense from paragraph to paragraph kept building.
Good cover at the beginning trying to show Darrell as a good father only to be realized as the scumbag he was. (sorry I couldn't think of another word, wait, abuser).
Nicely composed, best of luck in the contest.
Cheers,
John
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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Thanks, John!
Scumbag is accurate, too. My first draft didn't have that ending and my sister said I needed a better one, so as my only other character was poor Alice, she finally decided she couldn't take any more abuse, herself, and she needed to protect her kids, so, she did him in! :)
Thanks for reading and for your very nice comments.
Katharine
Comment from Ben Colder
This is a long write but interesting. The murder and the house was and is sometimes typical. Your story is a good entry for the contest. I wish you luck. Thanks for sharing your talent.
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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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This is a long write but interesting. The murder and the house was and is sometimes typical. Your story is a good entry for the contest. I wish you luck. Thanks for sharing your talent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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well, it was my first murder so, next time, I'll try to get away from stereotypical things. Actually, when I started writing it, I didn't have murder in mind. It was going to be the bickering between two potential buyers and some dishonest dealings, but it kind of started writing itself. Anyway, thanks for sticking with it and for your good wishes.
Katharine