On the Altar of Self-Sacrifice
A Peripatetic Love Story35 total reviews
Comment from Nicki Nance
You captured a lot of warp and weave of your own in this brilliant piece. It was more than worth my time. You developed the relationship as though it were one of the characters. I was a little winded, but I'm glad you didn't split it into two parts
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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You captured a lot of warp and weave of your own in this brilliant piece. It was more than worth my time. You developed the relationship as though it were one of the characters. I was a little winded, but I'm glad you didn't split it into two parts
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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Awww, Nicki, it means the world to me to have you say that. Bless you for hanging in there to the end.
Comment from Mario PIERRE
I definitely like the story. Although I was looking for more dialogue and less "tell" description in the first part, I really enjoyed the middle to the end use of vlever dialogue. Overall, a good and solid story!!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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I definitely like the story. Although I was looking for more dialogue and less "tell" description in the first part, I really enjoyed the middle to the end use of vlever dialogue. Overall, a good and solid story!!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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Thank you, Mario. Hey, at least you got from the middle to the end. I know what you meant about the first part. It was rather experimental. I appreciate your reading it and your kind words.
Jay
Comment from John Ciarmello
Dear Lord!
"On The Alter of Self-Sacrifice" read with grace and poetic beauty.
I made sure this morning was quiet without interruption before I started reading this piece, Jay.
I can't match anything I've read that is intricately involved in the organizational thought and preluding sequence as what you've executed in this story.
Your ability to flashback and bring us again to the present is seamless and perfect on so many different levels that it's beyond my comprehension of the craft.
You are the ultimate craftsman and teacher, my friend! Sensational!! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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Dear Lord!
"On The Alter of Self-Sacrifice" read with grace and poetic beauty.
I made sure this morning was quiet without interruption before I started reading this piece, Jay.
I can't match anything I've read that is intricately involved in the organizational thought and preluding sequence as what you've executed in this story.
Your ability to flashback and bring us again to the present is seamless and perfect on so many different levels that it's beyond my comprehension of the craft.
You are the ultimate craftsman and teacher, my friend! Sensational!! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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John, your review has special meaning to me. I've been elsewhere for over a month and when I returned, however briefly, I realized that you haven't been around much either. I was getting kind of concerned about you. And then I get your spectacular review ... and it showed that you read my story with your head and heart fully into it. Thank you for that, my friend. I am very fond of this story myself. It's good to have you see some good in it. I have a ton of respect for your writing. I just wish there were more of it. (I'm going to go back to your portfolio and see if I have embarrassed myself by missing some of your stuff in my absence. Blessings, John.
Jay
Comment from BethShelby
Good Heavens! You got all that from watching the movie? How on earth did you get into everyone's head and analyse every movement? I saw that movie years ago when it first came out, and the only thing I rememembered about it was feeling drained and sad when it ended. I'm sure book didn't go into details like you did. I find what you've written amazing. Thanks for sharing all that. Now, I want to watch it again.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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Good Heavens! You got all that from watching the movie? How on earth did you get into everyone's head and analyse every movement? I saw that movie years ago when it first came out, and the only thing I rememembered about it was feeling drained and sad when it ended. I'm sure book didn't go into details like you did. I find what you've written amazing. Thanks for sharing all that. Now, I want to watch it again.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much, Beth. At least my story didn't drain you. I hope. No, you said it was amazing. Ah-ha! You liked it. You gave it a six star rating! Beth, I always appreciate seeing you on my review list! You rock!
Jay
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I couldn't possibly give you less than a six, Jay. This was incredible. Like Lena, I have called out 'I'm sorry,' to my loved ones for not understanding, being a stupid woman, not listening to the words that weren't actually spoken, but there, all the same.
The emotion fills every part of the page, the room, the whole... Incredible, is all I can say. I was taken back to my late husbands last day, he died at home, with me and our young sons. It's not easy to describe those emotions, yet you have done so with amazing clarity. I was back in my bedroom, thinking and feeling all those thoughts that Lena had. Love will come later ... the funny, sad thing is, love was already there, but she just didn't realise it. Beautiful story, my friend. I didn't read it before because I needed the time to truly read it and take in the story. Very well done, my friend. Brilliant, in fact! Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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I couldn't possibly give you less than a six, Jay. This was incredible. Like Lena, I have called out 'I'm sorry,' to my loved ones for not understanding, being a stupid woman, not listening to the words that weren't actually spoken, but there, all the same.
The emotion fills every part of the page, the room, the whole... Incredible, is all I can say. I was taken back to my late husbands last day, he died at home, with me and our young sons. It's not easy to describe those emotions, yet you have done so with amazing clarity. I was back in my bedroom, thinking and feeling all those thoughts that Lena had. Love will come later ... the funny, sad thing is, love was already there, but she just didn't realise it. Beautiful story, my friend. I didn't read it before because I needed the time to truly read it and take in the story. Very well done, my friend. Brilliant, in fact! Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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Your review was worth waiting for, my dear Sandra. I didn't know I would hit a personal note with any reader, but to know you felt such a deep resonance makes telling this story worthwhile. I'm still trying to ferret out for myself Lena's true feelings. As close as I can come to it, I think there was more of a mother-son love for Robin and a deeper, for being unfulfilled, passionate love for Maretta. As I mentioned to another reviewer, I remember writing, and for some reason not including, a part toward the end of the book, in fact just before she opened the car door, where she had prepared a long and loving text to Maretta expressing those passions, but didn't push the send button. The practical reason she had originated the text was to let Maretta know that she needed to come with the authorities to the beach parking lot to retrieve Robin's body, but the rest just came out and she couldn't send it. I think I didn't include it for the same reason that Lena didn't push the send button. Some things are best left on the altar. Sandra, I hope my story helped sort some things out for you. It seems it touched a lot of people, but none so personally as you!
Jay
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, this is a different approach to storytelling. I felt more like a director explaining how his movie would go to producers, and then moving in reverse chronological order telling the story to, with characters there. I didn't mind the length, as we needed to get the full story to see how we got to that point.
Now, was some of it predictable? Maybe. Like you told us, love stories have been told. Parts of it reminded me of The Fault in our Stars, and bit on the classic Romeo and Juliet too. I thought their first date and general getting together was a bit of a stretch, but hey, why not.
It is good work and unique.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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Hmm, this is a different approach to storytelling. I felt more like a director explaining how his movie would go to producers, and then moving in reverse chronological order telling the story to, with characters there. I didn't mind the length, as we needed to get the full story to see how we got to that point.
Now, was some of it predictable? Maybe. Like you told us, love stories have been told. Parts of it reminded me of The Fault in our Stars, and bit on the classic Romeo and Juliet too. I thought their first date and general getting together was a bit of a stretch, but hey, why not.
It is good work and unique.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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Thank you, Lance. Well, I suppose it had to be predictable in the sense that in the first actual "story" scene Lena was sitting with a corpse in the ocean parking lot at 3 AM. The whole enchilada was back-story. I don't see that any of it was a stretch, though. I think there was a lot of Robin in me when I was in college.
Thank you, Lance. This seemed kinda close. You almost liked it. LOL, Jay
Comment from royowen
I love the title. From my perspective, self sacrifice is the definition of love in its essence, but love between a man and a women could be classified as quite different, this writing was a three hour movie. I remember the closest film about gender love, would be "magnificent obsession" with Rock Hudson and Jane Wyman, it could be termed sacrificial love...for the most part. Beautifully written Jay, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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I love the title. From my perspective, self sacrifice is the definition of love in its essence, but love between a man and a women could be classified as quite different, this writing was a three hour movie. I remember the closest film about gender love, would be "magnificent obsession" with Rock Hudson and Jane Wyman, it could be termed sacrificial love...for the most part. Beautifully written Jay, blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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I loved your, "this writing was a three hour movie." Hmmm, I don't remember seeing "Magnificent Obsession", though I know it was "big" at the time. It might be one to watch. Thank you, Roy, for your kind words, as always.
Jay
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Well done Jay
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jay, this was a long read. I started yesterday and I've finished it today. But it was worth it. In so many places you really excell, your writing being, well, just marvelous.
It's a sad story all way through. I wonder if he was gay.
Anyway, in the end she takes her own life. That's at least how I interpret it.
A very fine story, Jay. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
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Hi Jay, this was a long read. I started yesterday and I've finished it today. But it was worth it. In so many places you really excell, your writing being, well, just marvelous.
It's a sad story all way through. I wonder if he was gay.
Anyway, in the end she takes her own life. That's at least how I interpret it.
A very fine story, Jay. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
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The conclusion was intentionally open-ended, Ulla. About the length, I just couldn't justify cutting the story into pieces to post it here. I knew I could count on you hanging in there and being so kind in your review. Thank you for that, dear Ulla. As I told you, there will be a post soon updating my absence. Thank you for the six lovely stars.
Comment from pome lover
unbelievable. Here it is 1;15 AM. I have been reading this amazing telling of a story, the first part of which was confusing but finally, (I think,) understandable, then you do this???!!! She drowns herself and leaves him, dead in the truck?
I thought you were going to have her and Maretta get together after old Robin bit the dust. You sure fooled me. Not that I like that kind of thang.
Jay, you are something else. Not sure what, but something different with a mind that thinks up... all kinds of different - that's the word, stuff. But the telling of it, that's the amazing part, and your descriptions. Well, this would probably sell today in Hollywood, although probably Robin should've become Robinette. kidding.
I've got to go to bed. I'll probably dream about this story.
You certainly have a vivid and humorous imagination, with a bit of morbid thrown in.
Night, Jay
Katharine
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
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unbelievable. Here it is 1;15 AM. I have been reading this amazing telling of a story, the first part of which was confusing but finally, (I think,) understandable, then you do this???!!! She drowns herself and leaves him, dead in the truck?
I thought you were going to have her and Maretta get together after old Robin bit the dust. You sure fooled me. Not that I like that kind of thang.
Jay, you are something else. Not sure what, but something different with a mind that thinks up... all kinds of different - that's the word, stuff. But the telling of it, that's the amazing part, and your descriptions. Well, this would probably sell today in Hollywood, although probably Robin should've become Robinette. kidding.
I've got to go to bed. I'll probably dream about this story.
You certainly have a vivid and humorous imagination, with a bit of morbid thrown in.
Night, Jay
Katharine
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
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Awwww, Katharine! Thank you for your generous, always kind, and this time humorous in your take on my writing. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it. I did leave the ending open as to her walk to the sea ... and never really said she was smitten by Maretta. To me that was the underlying fuel that drove Lena's character. I don't know. Robin, to me, was kind of a Putz. His corner of the romantic triangle was kinda saggy. But the tragedy was the unfulfilled love between Lena and Maretta. Circumstances wouldn't allow it, and the world wouldn't be ready for it. Anyway, my dear, thank you so much for reading so actively and lovingly!
Jay
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yeah. Robin Sounded like a putz - kind of a non-character.
Lena was somethin' else.
I'm still thinking about your play and wishing you could find someone to do the music.
Anyway. You are some writer! Keep it up and I will keep on enjoying.
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Katharine, I feel so badly about the musical. I should never have enlisted support when I was so out of my depth. I'm sorry I led you and others on so. I was drunk with possibilities and had no right to encourage others to imbibe! Well ... I suspect I won't change, though. LOL
Jay
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oh, that's okay.
Do you mind if sometime in the wee hours, I mess around with the lyrics and try to come up with something different - story-wise?
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Of course, Katharine! Take full rein. Let me know what you come up with.
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probably nothing, but quien sabe?
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The shadow knows, bwa-ha-ha!
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:)
Comment from lyenochka
Boy was that long. I think you could have done it in three posts. I have to confess I do not like love stories and I really didn't like Love Story or the Titanic. Sorry. So when you laid the groundwork for this story, it was already something I couldn't relate to. But your characters do seem believable and it's a sad ending and there seems to be love even if not the idealized Hollywood type.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
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Boy was that long. I think you could have done it in three posts. I have to confess I do not like love stories and I really didn't like Love Story or the Titanic. Sorry. So when you laid the groundwork for this story, it was already something I couldn't relate to. But your characters do seem believable and it's a sad ending and there seems to be love even if not the idealized Hollywood type.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
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Yeah, it was long. Point taken. But I think I would have lost readership if I cut it up. Oh how I admire your kind persistence, though, in keeping on with something that doesn't sustain your interest, and then being so patient and kind in your truthfulness. Bless you, Helen.
Jay