Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 83 "Wanting Silver Slippers"Musings of an old man - 2022
25 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Well done, I say, whether or not it meets the requirements of a Villanelle for I don't care as the words flow like leaves on a autumnal waterway in late October.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Well done, I say, whether or not it meets the requirements of a Villanelle for I don't care as the words flow like leaves on a autumnal waterway in late October.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Thanks Tom, while a villanelle would often be metered this club challenge allowed for flexibility.
Are you enjoying our autumn weather?
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When I die and get invited for a round of golf there I expect the weather to be like this
Comment from karenina
It's a haunting, ephemeral tone I feel...
As if the "all right?" refrain were part proclamation and part beseeching!
I see some have commented on meters your behalf I'd site:
://www.litcharts.com/literary-devices-and-terms/villanelle
"Although villanelles often do use meter, they don't have to use any one type of meter in particular."
Meter is not a prerequisite for this form--and your theme flows beautifully without it...
May you get your silver slippers to dance through eternity!
With joy!
Karenina
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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It's a haunting, ephemeral tone I feel...
As if the "all right?" refrain were part proclamation and part beseeching!
I see some have commented on meters your behalf I'd site:
://www.litcharts.com/literary-devices-and-terms/villanelle
"Although villanelles often do use meter, they don't have to use any one type of meter in particular."
Meter is not a prerequisite for this form--and your theme flows beautifully without it...
May you get your silver slippers to dance through eternity!
With joy!
Karenina
Comment Written 17-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Thank you, you felt the Yin and Yang of the verse that crates the tension intended. Thanks for the link and yes this specific club challenged did not require the specific meter.
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
JLR,
This is a fantastic poem. When I read it, I wanted silver slippers too, with which to fly like a ballerina. (I'm really too old and uncoordinated to do so lol)
I like the repeating phrase, and the idea of dancing freely among the stars.
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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JLR,
This is a fantastic poem. When I read it, I wanted silver slippers too, with which to fly like a ballerina. (I'm really too old and uncoordinated to do so lol)
I like the repeating phrase, and the idea of dancing freely among the stars.
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 17-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Thank you Cindy.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with a complex style, JLR. I enjoyed reading
your club entry. Your words were well chosen, the flow was smooth,
and the theme was dreamy. You expressed your thoughts and
feelings well. Great job with the rhymes and lines in the correct
places. Your repeated lines fit in smoothly.
Thanks for participating, Jan
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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You did a great job with a complex style, JLR. I enjoyed reading
your club entry. Your words were well chosen, the flow was smooth,
and the theme was dreamy. You expressed your thoughts and
feelings well. Great job with the rhymes and lines in the correct
places. Your repeated lines fit in smoothly.
Thanks for participating, Jan
Comment Written 16-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Thanks Jan, It was nice to be allowed to write outside the standards required for the meter.
Comment from nomi338
If wish is ever granted, you must dance as if only the one who granted this wish can see you. Dance twirl, curtsy, then spin as if unwinding from a tight curl. Now graciously accept your due kudos.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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If wish is ever granted, you must dance as if only the one who granted this wish can see you. Dance twirl, curtsy, then spin as if unwinding from a tight curl. Now graciously accept your due kudos.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Thanks Nomi!
Comment from Boogienights
This is beautiful, it's so descriptive and asks such a simple request that you think would be easy to fill...but it isn't always. The heart does want what it wants though. :)
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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This is beautiful, it's so descriptive and asks such a simple request that you think would be easy to fill...but it isn't always. The heart does want what it wants though. :)
Comment Written 16-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Smiling back!
Comment from lyenochka
Kudos to you for writing a villanelle for the Potlatch club and at the same time answering the "silver" theme challenge for the free verse club. I think when we see those golden stairs to Heaven, we won't care what we have one our moonlit feet and wings.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Kudos to you for writing a villanelle for the Potlatch club and at the same time answering the "silver" theme challenge for the free verse club. I think when we see those golden stairs to Heaven, we won't care what we have one our moonlit feet and wings.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Yes, Yes Yes🙏🙏🙏🙏
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I enjoyed the sentiment here but the distinct metre is missing which interrupted the flow somewhat for me. Wearing those silver slippers reminded me of Cinderella, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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I enjoyed the sentiment here but the distinct metre is missing which interrupted the flow somewhat for me. Wearing those silver slippers reminded me of Cinderella, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Thanks Dolly, I appreciate your input, while the strict meter wasn?t a specific c requirement for this club challenged I do understand the stumbling over the imperfection.
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
Dancing up those heavenly stairs would be great. In silver slippers that glistened in the moonlight. You would shine like a star with every step you took. There is no need for an audience. You ascend happily to harmony and peace. It is a great feeling to feel this way.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Dancing up those heavenly stairs would be great. In silver slippers that glistened in the moonlight. You would shine like a star with every step you took. There is no need for an audience. You ascend happily to harmony and peace. It is a great feeling to feel this way.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Smiles of appreciation for your review and comments.
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Smiles back 😃.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very beautiful and very well written Villanelle poem you have penned for the Potlatch Club. You used very good descriptive words and very nice imagery from the art work you chose. Best wishes in the contest. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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This is a very beautiful and very well written Villanelle poem you have penned for the Potlatch Club. You used very good descriptive words and very nice imagery from the art work you chose. Best wishes in the contest. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 16-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Thanks Teri!
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You are so welcome!!!