A Slap in the Dark
When paranoia becomes violence26 total reviews
Comment from dmt1967
This is a great script. Was it all in her head or was it the doctor who spiked her drink? Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Have a good week.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
  |
This is a great script. Was it all in her head or was it the doctor who spiked her drink? Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Have a good week.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
-
Thank you, so much :-). I was trying to have my cake and eat it by putting in a twist ending but still not actually resolving who was in their right mind or responsible!
Mike
Comment from Jay Squires
Hahaha, I really did enjoy this, Michael. It would definitely be in the realm of modern, bordering on the Theater of the Absurd, at least the way you have it set up with all those jump cuts. I confess, I'm not up on the scriptwriting lingo, since what I've been writing are stageplays. But it has a haunting quality with the repeated "Darren" echoed throughout. This was a fun read!
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
 |
Hahaha, I really did enjoy this, Michael. It would definitely be in the realm of modern, bordering on the Theater of the Absurd, at least the way you have it set up with all those jump cuts. I confess, I'm not up on the scriptwriting lingo, since what I've been writing are stageplays. But it has a haunting quality with the repeated "Darren" echoed throughout. This was a fun read!
Comment Written 07-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
-
Thanks, Jay :-). I've no idea whether I'm using the right directing words, lol. I only care that people know what I mean, and are entertained. This one was good fun to write.
Mike
Comment from nomi338
The damage from a confused mind that refuses to face reality or is unable to face reality for some unknown reason, can wreak havoc on an unsuspecting public. The tasks of those qualified professionals who try to help can be monumental.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
|
The damage from a confused mind that refuses to face reality or is unable to face reality for some unknown reason, can wreak havoc on an unsuspecting public. The tasks of those qualified professionals who try to help can be monumental.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
-
Thank you for sharing your response with me :-)
Mike
Comment from pome lover
can't say that I did. Did you mean to make it enjoyable?
I guess old doc was assaulting her in room 4 while she's all drugged up, and telling her it was other guys.
At least that's what I guess you meant.
I started not to rate it but I had read it, so I gave you a five because It is creative and different.
Katharine
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
|
can't say that I did. Did you mean to make it enjoyable?
I guess old doc was assaulting her in room 4 while she's all drugged up, and telling her it was other guys.
At least that's what I guess you meant.
I started not to rate it but I had read it, so I gave you a five because It is creative and different.
Katharine
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
-
Thank you, Katharine. In the broader sense, I think all fiction aims to be enjoyable. I enjoy a crime thriller on TV - it doesn't mean I enjoy crime itself or the unpleasantness on screen. I'm sorry if the piece unsettled you, and I'm very grateful for your taking the time.
Mike
Comment from lancellot
This is very good. the minimum lighting and darkness play an important part.
Good idea to have a woman beating and torturing men. The other way around wouldn't be accepted so readily.
Also, a good idea to put in a hospital at the end, and not a harsher fate.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
This is very good. the minimum lighting and darkness play an important part.
Good idea to have a woman beating and torturing men. The other way around wouldn't be accepted so readily.
Also, a good idea to put in a hospital at the end, and not a harsher fate.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Thank you :-). I like to do things the unexpected way if possible!
Mike
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Ha, ha,ha poor Jenny is right, he did spike her drink by doubling the dose to keep her in check. The ending is hilarious:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
Ha, ha,ha poor Jenny is right, he did spike her drink by doubling the dose to keep her in check. The ending is hilarious:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Thank you, Iza :-). I'm glad you saw the irony in the ending.
Mike
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Wow, now that's one female who is really stuck on herself. She thinks every man she ever meets wants her and she does them in because of it. Sad.
One observation
I think "His nostril flare" should be "His nostrils flare"
Nice twist at the very end, making the doctor be the real Darren.
Good story.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
Wow, now that's one female who is really stuck on herself. She thinks every man she ever meets wants her and she does them in because of it. Sad.
One observation
I think "His nostril flare" should be "His nostrils flare"
Nice twist at the very end, making the doctor be the real Darren.
Good story.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Thanks, Gary :-). I appreciate the eagle eye and I'm glad you enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from Carlos' girl
Okay Darren.
Lol i enjoyed the ending.maybe she is not paranoid. Maybe she was a victim of male predators. The mind can break iver the truth cant it?
Interesting read.well done
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
Okay Darren.
Lol i enjoyed the ending.maybe she is not paranoid. Maybe she was a victim of male predators. The mind can break iver the truth cant it?
Interesting read.well done
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Thank you :-). I loved the idea of having the twist ending but still not actually revealing the truth!
Mike
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Well, this is certainly interesting. It seems her doctor may have done something to her, or she simply thinks he has as she continues to assault many Darrens. Crazy is not fun. Or rape is a bitch. Good job keeping us reading so you could confuse us.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
|
Well, this is certainly interesting. It seems her doctor may have done something to her, or she simply thinks he has as she continues to assault many Darrens. Crazy is not fun. Or rape is a bitch. Good job keeping us reading so you could confuse us.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
-
Thank you, Carol. It was fun writing a twist in the tale :-).
Mike
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
Well, that was creepy. And very well done. The twists and turns of the human mind make fine material for drama. I like that even the ending may be twited in different ways. Nice work.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
|
Well, that was creepy. And very well done. The twists and turns of the human mind make fine material for drama. I like that even the ending may be twited in different ways. Nice work.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
-
Thank you, Nancy :-). Indeed, there are still no answers, even with that final line - just a new layer!
Mike
:-)