A Father's Love
A Hunting Trip Gone Wrong34 total reviews
Comment from Terry Broxson
A great entry for the contest, good luck. A good short story thriller. And you are right not all stories have happing endings. You have good dialogue, good flow, and transitions. Excellent work.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
  |
A great entry for the contest, good luck. A good short story thriller. And you are right not all stories have happing endings. You have good dialogue, good flow, and transitions. Excellent work.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
-
Thank you. I hate snakes and really don't know why I let them get the upper hand in this story.
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
Wow!!! Now this was an exciting read!!! You have the most superb writing skills. And I was captivated all the way to the end. Keep
Writing. And don't forget to stop by to talk . Stay connected
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
|
Wow!!! Now this was an exciting read!!! You have the most superb writing skills. And I was captivated all the way to the end. Keep
Writing. And don't forget to stop by to talk . Stay connected
Comment Written 25-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a great story that made my hair stand on end. I'm glad you sort of warned me about never seeing son again. It was easier to accept the ending. You should win this contest!
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
 |
This is a great story that made my hair stand on end. I'm glad you sort of warned me about never seeing son again. It was easier to accept the ending. You should win this contest!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
-
Thank you. As I said, not all stories have happy endings.
Comment from F. William Lester
I like your story and the relationship between the father and son. The ending was a bummer. A couple of thoughts: first, I had difficulty visualizing the ledge, where it lay in relation to the floor of the well. The ladder is about midway--fifteen feet? If the dad is around six feet tall and the boy is about 5 feet, that's eleven feet. I don't think the boy has four-foot arms. I'm not familiar with a farm silo and most of your readers may not be either so, it would help to clarify where this ledge is. Second, I assume from your description, the bottom of the well is dirt. If the father breaks a piece of the concrete ledge off, I doubt it would "clatter" across a dirt floor. Just some thoughts.
Thanks for sharing your story. I enjoyed it. Stay well.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
|
I like your story and the relationship between the father and son. The ending was a bummer. A couple of thoughts: first, I had difficulty visualizing the ledge, where it lay in relation to the floor of the well. The ladder is about midway--fifteen feet? If the dad is around six feet tall and the boy is about 5 feet, that's eleven feet. I don't think the boy has four-foot arms. I'm not familiar with a farm silo and most of your readers may not be either so, it would help to clarify where this ledge is. Second, I assume from your description, the bottom of the well is dirt. If the father breaks a piece of the concrete ledge off, I doubt it would "clatter" across a dirt floor. Just some thoughts.
Thanks for sharing your story. I enjoyed it. Stay well.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for sharing you thoughts with me. My husband and I were dairy farmers for over 30 years. We had the old-type cement silos and they all had a cement ledge along the bottom. Why? I don't know. Most of these ledges were 3 to 4 foot high so it is possible they could have reached the ladder if the father was say six foot or more and the son probably close to the same. A large chunk of cement would make some noise if rolled across a floor. Besides, it's just a fictional story so we don't need to get too precise. LOL Hugs to you
-
You're very welcome and thanks.
Comment from BethShelby
Wow! what an intense story. As you say it doesn't have a happy ending. I just posted a true story I wrote telling about the time my son got bit by a large rattlesnake. This is a good entry for the You need to calm down. contest.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
|
Wow! what an intense story. As you say it doesn't have a happy ending. I just posted a true story I wrote telling about the time my son got bit by a large rattlesnake. This is a good entry for the You need to calm down. contest.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
-
Thank you. I will have to read your story and find out how your son came out. I do know snake bite doesn't always kill the victim but without help it most likely would.
-
You may have trouble finding it. My promotion didn't show up in my portfolio for some reason. It is on page one but way down on it. Called My son the Adventurer.
-
You may have trouble finding it. My promotion didn't show up in my portfolio for some reason. It is on page one but way down on it. Called My son the Adventurer.
-
Okay, I will see if I can find it.
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
Now that is one creepy ended story. Well presented enough to make me cringe at the idea of the converging snakes. Not sure how the narrator survived or became omniscient but it is an effecitve telling
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
|
Now that is one creepy ended story. Well presented enough to make me cringe at the idea of the converging snakes. Not sure how the narrator survived or became omniscient but it is an effecitve telling
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
-
Thank you. It is just what it is, a fictional story. So many have hated that ending that I might have to write a follow up story and save the poor guy. I would have to get around the remark that he never sees his son again. Hmm, I will have to think about it. Any suggestions?
-
A hated ending is a remembered ending. It is not aways necessary to change the unique and effective because it is not pleasant. At least so I think.
Comment from Spitfire
A nail-biting story but I do have a problem with the ending. How can the narrator tell the story when he dies at the end? To write this in third person rather than first would solve this problem. Still, you prove to be an excellent writer and had me holding my breath for fear the son wouldn't make it.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
|
A nail-biting story but I do have a problem with the ending. How can the narrator tell the story when he dies at the end? To write this in third person rather than first would solve this problem. Still, you prove to be an excellent writer and had me holding my breath for fear the son wouldn't make it.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
-
Thank you. Who knows? It is just a story and I enjoyed writing it in 1st person as if he is telling of his own death. Another who knows. I might consider writing a follow-up story where he does get out alive. Just barely.
-
Sounds like a plan. :-)
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
I think you should keep writing on this story. Many of us despise snakes. I don't even like to remember the snake appearing in the Garden of Eden; but the snake was the devil. Adam and Eve had sinned, so the snake (devil) appeared.
Did the father make it out of the well or hole okay?
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
|
I think you should keep writing on this story. Many of us despise snakes. I don't even like to remember the snake appearing in the Garden of Eden; but the snake was the devil. Adam and Eve had sinned, so the snake (devil) appeared.
Did the father make it out of the well or hole okay?
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
-
Thank you. No, he didn't make it out alive in this story. So, you think I should follow up on this story and get him out alive? Do you think that is even possible after being attacked by that many snakes? Snakes are not my favorite critter either, probably why I made them the villians.
-
Perhaps the ending would be happy if you got him out of the hole. Snakes are definitely the villain.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
You, like the father, trapped your reader right away and kept their interest right to the end. Where the narrator was the father, it was also expected there would be a happy ending.
Outstanding descriptions and story.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
|
You, like the father, trapped your reader right away and kept their interest right to the end. Where the narrator was the father, it was also expected there would be a happy ending.
Outstanding descriptions and story.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for reading and commenting. I hate snakes and have no idea where this story came from, but here it is.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent story. In its own right the description is outstanding, and it is a great cautionary tale. In tems of the contest, it is slightly off the wall, as I feel panicking before knowing about the snakes isn't really relevant, but you manage to pull it off.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
|
This is an excellent story. In its own right the description is outstanding, and it is a great cautionary tale. In tems of the contest, it is slightly off the wall, as I feel panicking before knowing about the snakes isn't really relevant, but you manage to pull it off.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for reading and commenting. I did my best. All stories do not have happy endings.
-
The sad ending didn't bother me in the least. I'm not a 'happy at all costs' type of person.
-
PS your best was excellent