The Executioner's Tale, Part I
Christmas is a terrible day for an execution21 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I'm going to say bribe the Excutioner so he is not doing a crap job. It's very painful to be in the imminent presence of the Death so close to Christmas. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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I'm going to say bribe the Excutioner so he is not doing a crap job. It's very painful to be in the imminent presence of the Death so close to Christmas. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Iza. It will be several days before I have the conclusion out.
Comment from Mastery
Hi Jay. I have no idea where you come up with your ideas for stories but they are definitely unusual, my friend. Who would conceive of an executioner in this era? Very good idea though.
You have some wonderful imagery throughout, Jay, like here for instance:
"He sighed, lifted his heavy shoulders up to his ears, and let them drop."
And here: "Suddenly she was onto her tiptoes, gripping his shoulders to pull her up, for he stood a foot taller. Her mouth lingering at his earlobe, she tugged playfully at the large gold ring hanging from it, sucked it into her mouth, let it slide out, nibbled at the flesh where it entered his earlobe. Then she put her lips full onto his ear. "Fuck. King. Gregory," she whispered, and the heat of her breath radiated to flush the entire side of his face. "Let's go. Let's leave."
Good job, myfriend. I will stay tuned. Bob
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Hi Jay. I have no idea where you come up with your ideas for stories but they are definitely unusual, my friend. Who would conceive of an executioner in this era? Very good idea though.
You have some wonderful imagery throughout, Jay, like here for instance:
"He sighed, lifted his heavy shoulders up to his ears, and let them drop."
And here: "Suddenly she was onto her tiptoes, gripping his shoulders to pull her up, for he stood a foot taller. Her mouth lingering at his earlobe, she tugged playfully at the large gold ring hanging from it, sucked it into her mouth, let it slide out, nibbled at the flesh where it entered his earlobe. Then she put her lips full onto his ear. "Fuck. King. Gregory," she whispered, and the heat of her breath radiated to flush the entire side of his face. "Let's go. Let's leave."
Good job, myfriend. I will stay tuned. Bob
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Haha, I thought you'd like her ear-job. Wait'll you hear where he got that earring. I'll be pubbing the conclusion as soon as I earn enough shekels to make it worthwhile. Thanks, Bob, for your usual encouragement.
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:) Bob
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Superb scenario of events leading up to a prisoner's execution, which apparently took place sometime around the Middle Ages or shortly thereafter -- during the reign of King George, and well into the establishment of Christendom. I know that they often referred to Christmas as "Michaelmas" in those times in England, so you might want to check on that.
Some very minor spags:
"Apostacy brought you here.
-->
"Apostasy brought you here.
The peasants in the market place they'll bargain with.
-->
The peasants in the marketplace they'll bargain with. ["market place" is also correct, but "marketplace" is more universally accepted]
This is a riveting story, and I look forward to reading Part 2. I am following many people and can't possibly read all the material I get messages about. I am also very busy with personal responsibilities right now. I will follow you, but also, please feel free to send me a personal message when you post the next part(s), as there would be less of a chance that I would overlook it.
I wish I still had a six to give you. Maybe next time, I will! I love a good tale.
And the artwork you chose is perfect.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Superb scenario of events leading up to a prisoner's execution, which apparently took place sometime around the Middle Ages or shortly thereafter -- during the reign of King George, and well into the establishment of Christendom. I know that they often referred to Christmas as "Michaelmas" in those times in England, so you might want to check on that.
Some very minor spags:
"Apostacy brought you here.
-->
"Apostasy brought you here.
The peasants in the market place they'll bargain with.
-->
The peasants in the marketplace they'll bargain with. ["market place" is also correct, but "marketplace" is more universally accepted]
This is a riveting story, and I look forward to reading Part 2. I am following many people and can't possibly read all the material I get messages about. I am also very busy with personal responsibilities right now. I will follow you, but also, please feel free to send me a personal message when you post the next part(s), as there would be less of a chance that I would overlook it.
I wish I still had a six to give you. Maybe next time, I will! I love a good tale.
And the artwork you chose is perfect.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Mary Kay, you are a dear for pointing out my misspell; also, marketplace does have a better feel to it. Don't worry about the 6. Your advice and kind words are better than a 6 any day.
I've got something for you.
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Thank you so much for that nomination! You're a dear, too. God bless you, Jay. - Mary Kay
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I edit my stories probably four times before I post them, and I'm an editor on my own publication, so when I come across someone with some valid feedback, I like to reward her. Or him. So thank YOU!
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You're very welcome, Jay. What a pleasure :-)
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
That is a very teasing story. The Executioner doesn't like his job, the victim doesn't want to die, the priest is hearing the gory news of past executions for the first time. What is next? We await the doom.
Very well done.
Ralf
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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That is a very teasing story. The Executioner doesn't like his job, the victim doesn't want to die, the priest is hearing the gory news of past executions for the first time. What is next? We await the doom.
Very well done.
Ralf
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Many thanks, Ralf. This story was all of one cloth originally. I had to divide it into two parts to make it more palatable to the reader.
Comment from themundanegirl
This is a very well written piece. You had my attention the whole way through! I love the artwork that was paired with it! Thank you for sharing, I look forward to reading more!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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This is a very well written piece. You had my attention the whole way through! I love the artwork that was paired with it! Thank you for sharing, I look forward to reading more!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your kind words. I'm happy you found it entertaining.
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
Your story kept my interest throughout and I look forward to the next chapter.
There are good images throughout.
You do much better with "earthy" images than I.
Good job describing the executioner, his wife, the prisoner and the priest...I am able to picture them.
The relationship between the executioner and his wife appears to be a good one. Makes me wonder what role she will play although she is likely a more minor character than he.
I already like the prisoner best and the priest least although I don't have that much to base it on.
Good work. I await the next installment.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Your story kept my interest throughout and I look forward to the next chapter.
There are good images throughout.
You do much better with "earthy" images than I.
Good job describing the executioner, his wife, the prisoner and the priest...I am able to picture them.
The relationship between the executioner and his wife appears to be a good one. Makes me wonder what role she will play although she is likely a more minor character than he.
I already like the prisoner best and the priest least although I don't have that much to base it on.
Good work. I await the next installment.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Cynthia, you are a marvel. Thank you for your kindness. I'm happy that you enjoyed this first chapter. There are only two. The next will be the conclusion. It should really have been only one chapter, but then readership would fall. Again, Cynthia, thanks.
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The only thing about the priest is that he seems like more of a stock character than the others.
How many stories/movies have there been where priests of that time in history are not truly spiritual men but faith imposters (though many don't understand that about themselves.) Some, however, are outright scoundrels.
Most think they are spiritual whereas they are merely religious.
I believe in your skill and heart as a writer. Whatever you do with this slimy priest, it will surprise me :)
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The priest is only an incidental character, only their to intensify the character structure of the prisoner. I probably could have made him less "stock." You're absolutely right on the typical caricature of the priest of that period.
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Glad to hear it...he doesn't deserve much air time, :)
Comment from royowen
What a fascinating literary journey you've commenced Jay. You've no spags that I can detect, but then, I'm an amateur, this is absorbingly good, I've missed both you and Margaret Snowden's writing, both as good as the best, I think being latched onto is an accident, like some great performers in entertainment. Well done, some fodder for the future with the executioner being off colour. Well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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What a fascinating literary journey you've commenced Jay. You've no spags that I can detect, but then, I'm an amateur, this is absorbingly good, I've missed both you and Margaret Snowden's writing, both as good as the best, I think being latched onto is an accident, like some great performers in entertainment. Well done, some fodder for the future with the executioner being off colour. Well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thank you for reading, Roy, and your usual kindness. Bless you. This piece is kinda edgy. Some will love it. Some hate it. I'm glad you're on the positive side.
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Good writing
Comment from robyn corum
Jay,
hahahaha -- sorry. Couldn't help myself. All's fair in love, horseshoes, and executioning, I suppose.... I mean, it may not have been a pretty deed, but it was a DONE deed, I guess one might say. *smile*
Nicely done - beautifully written. Can't wait for the rest!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Jay,
hahahaha -- sorry. Couldn't help myself. All's fair in love, horseshoes, and executioning, I suppose.... I mean, it may not have been a pretty deed, but it was a DONE deed, I guess one might say. *smile*
Nicely done - beautifully written. Can't wait for the rest!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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One more to come, Robyn. It was designed as a standalone, but then no one would have read it. I'm happy you enjoyed it. I remember Robyn's 18th century serial killer of a couple of years ago. So don't get all aloof! *giggle* *smile* *double-wink*
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Oh, my. I hope I didn't sound aloof. hahaha No way. I love to kill people in my writings.
Comment from Earl Corp
You have piqued my interest with this tale. I'm really curious whether the execution will happen or not. I can't wait to read the next installment.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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You have piqued my interest with this tale. I'm really curious whether the execution will happen or not. I can't wait to read the next installment.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Earl. I don't think the conclusion will disappoint you. I just need to earn some funny-bucks to give it a shot to shine!
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, interesting scenes. Two people trap in what they must do and what must be done, and two people trying to console or bring a better understanding to them, both coming from a different POV.
Notes:
He shook his head and blew out a puff of air. "No, woman, it's a proclamation. Everyone must go.["]
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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Hmm, interesting scenes. Two people trap in what they must do and what must be done, and two people trying to console or bring a better understanding to them, both coming from a different POV.
Notes:
He shook his head and blew out a puff of air. "No, woman, it's a proclamation. Everyone must go.["]
-add
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Oh my God! I check those things so closely. Thanks Lance. Glad you enjoyed it.