Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Mother Dust"An extended story in poem form
118 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
WHOA---WHEW1 POTENT STUFF, MIKE.
Impressive, masterfully composed and highly effective in conveying a bunch of messages.
This line needs a nit-fix I think, but otherwise I'd call this polished
my life become(s) thick boles of dung
This is very intense and conveys insightful perspective
I look across a world bleached grey
by atoms tortured blithely:
metropolis of rampant greed
in paranoia's legacy.
Wondering what will happen as he wanders..
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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WHOA---WHEW1 POTENT STUFF, MIKE.
Impressive, masterfully composed and highly effective in conveying a bunch of messages.
This line needs a nit-fix I think, but otherwise I'd call this polished
my life become(s) thick boles of dung
This is very intense and conveys insightful perspective
I look across a world bleached grey
by atoms tortured blithely:
metropolis of rampant greed
in paranoia's legacy.
Wondering what will happen as he wanders..
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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Thank you, RD! I'm looking forward to finding out where he takes me too. Hopefully he will have many adventures in his future wasteland. Will he ever find the solace he craves? Tune in, next time :-)
Mike
Comment from Judian James
Oooh, this sounds a bit creepy and depressing but I'm game!
Where will he go and what will he do when he gets there? Interesting concept Mike. I'm ready for the adventure!
BRAVO! (yeah, I'm standing and clapping here in Maine) I'm not allowed to give you a sixer ... sorry. Oh, and did I mention the opening line is brilliant?
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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Oooh, this sounds a bit creepy and depressing but I'm game!
Where will he go and what will he do when he gets there? Interesting concept Mike. I'm ready for the adventure!
BRAVO! (yeah, I'm standing and clapping here in Maine) I'm not allowed to give you a sixer ... sorry. Oh, and did I mention the opening line is brilliant?
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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Yay, somebody picked out the opening line! I wrote that about three weeks ago and it was occupying its own page for ages until I thought of a poem to use it with.
I'm so glad you liked it! I have another chapter written and a third underway. I spent all my funny-money putting this on the front page, but I'm hoping it'll hook some followers, and they'll seek out the next few chapters without me having to save up quite so much!
Mike
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Exactly how much does that cost? It's staggering to me how many post to the top of page one regularly ... Yes, this will be interesting to follow, Mike.
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That represents a grand total of a treasure chest ($10), 35 Member cent pumps (some 'won' with reviews, but effectively $105), and a Reader Weekly Certificate ($6), making a grand total of $121. That represents about 10 days of solid reviewing with only a couple of base certificates used on other posts.
To those both rich and idiotic enough to pay for that in real money on a regular basis (ie those who have a high poet rating but a very low reviewer rating), I say here's my bank account info, if you can spare it, I can spend it!
Mike
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WOW!! I keep thinking of all the charities that would benefit, but there are egos at stake, afterall!! I feel wonderful to post at a payout of 52cents, which is rare but just about where I wish I could land every time. I do believe the reviewers time is worth that. I do not like to go into the high enough payouts where I'm convinced ranking is bought and the reviews are not as honest. This was a smart move on your part to get people familiar with the book and hooked so they'll follow it. I hope it works out for you. Jude
Comment from laren
I'll look forward to see what happen with Wandering Man, the poem touchs me very deep. My only brother pased away last yer from esophagus cancer. It's very well written and rhymed.
Congratulations!
Laren
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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I'll look forward to see what happen with Wandering Man, the poem touchs me very deep. My only brother pased away last yer from esophagus cancer. It's very well written and rhymed.
Congratulations!
Laren
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Laren. I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I truly hope you enjoy the reast of the Wander Man's tale, as and when I post it :-)
Mike
Comment from TexAnn
Wow, a hard poem to read on this promising sunny morning!
I like very much how the "chapters" lead nicely into another.
I can relate to this "tiny ant"!
Good luck, look forward to where Wand'ring man strolls.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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Wow, a hard poem to read on this promising sunny morning!
I like very much how the "chapters" lead nicely into another.
I can relate to this "tiny ant"!
Good luck, look forward to where Wand'ring man strolls.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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Thank you, TexAnn :-). I've had this story brewing in my head for a while now, so it felt good to get it started.
Mike
Comment from Inge_Meldgaard
A poem right along my street! Well done...all this needs to be said over and over again....there was just one line I stumbled over, as I couldn't quite see how it fitted into the context of the poem:
and no day is discreet.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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A poem right along my street! Well done...all this needs to be said over and over again....there was just one line I stumbled over, as I couldn't quite see how it fitted into the context of the poem:
and no day is discreet.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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I was using discreet to mean different, so I was saying every day follows the next with nothing varying, until they are inseparable. I'm so glad you liked my poem! More chapters to follow very soon :-)
Mike
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Yes, I understood what you were trying to say, but the word still doesn't seem to make sense to me. Did you mean 'discrete'?
Comment from Sharesy
This is a bleak look at a world gone almost extinct. Is your main character the last person left on Earth? What I get from this poem, is a now barren planet being traversed by a semi dead man. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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This is a bleak look at a world gone almost extinct. Is your main character the last person left on Earth? What I get from this poem, is a now barren planet being traversed by a semi dead man. Nicely done.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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He certainly thinks he may be the last person on earth. Whether he is ... well, that's for future chapters to decide :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed the read; thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and reactions with me.
Mike
Comment from Mariea
Hello Mike. Such a dark topic, but nevertheless well written.
Structure - well put together and developed
Rhyme - slightly interrupted but generally consistent
Rhythm - nice easy flow
Have a great day, regards Mia
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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Hello Mike. Such a dark topic, but nevertheless well written.
Structure - well put together and developed
Rhyme - slightly interrupted but generally consistent
Rhythm - nice easy flow
Have a great day, regards Mia
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Mia :-). It's not the most uplifting poem in the world, admittedly! It's a story that's been occupying the back of my mind for a while, so it feels good to be writing it.
Mike
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Extremely graphic and detailed. I pray that our future won't come to this--as many scientist believe have happen before.
This was well rhymed and well displayed. I enjoyed the first tale of 'the wandering man'.
Well done.
Isaiah Ramesses
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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Extremely graphic and detailed. I pray that our future won't come to this--as many scientist believe have happen before.
This was well rhymed and well displayed. I enjoyed the first tale of 'the wandering man'.
Well done.
Isaiah Ramesses
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
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I certainly hope we don't end up this way. In the meantime, such settings make for compelling stories in my mind :-) Thanks for the great review!
Mike