Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Riding to forget,"A book of Poetry & Writing
121 total reviews
Comment from LavenderRiverWriter
My mom has always had the same lament. I think she trie to be happy for years on the farm, but she just din't take to it no matter how she tried.
For review purposes: You don't need to have commas at the end of each line. The readers take into account the pause at the end of a line. Also you have one period in the piece that doesn't fit the rest of the style at the word "mount".
this is heartfelt and warm poetry. Keep up the good work, Lavender
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
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My mom has always had the same lament. I think she trie to be happy for years on the farm, but she just din't take to it no matter how she tried.
For review purposes: You don't need to have commas at the end of each line. The readers take into account the pause at the end of a line. Also you have one period in the piece that doesn't fit the rest of the style at the word "mount".
this is heartfelt and warm poetry. Keep up the good work, Lavender
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from mermaids
You capture the feeling of being out with the steer and getting some relief from the stress of life. Great use of words and I enjoyed reading this poem, a good escape into another world.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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You capture the feeling of being out with the steer and getting some relief from the stress of life. Great use of words and I enjoyed reading this poem, a good escape into another world.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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thank you
Comment from percival86jack
This cowboy seems like an independent soul but still must feel the hurt deep down inside. "She never would forgive him for bringing her out there" Perhaps this says it all... cheers, Jack
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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This cowboy seems like an independent soul but still must feel the hurt deep down inside. "She never would forgive him for bringing her out there" Perhaps this says it all... cheers, Jack
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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thanks jack
Comment from c_lucas
It takes very special people to live their life as ranchers. This is very well written with very good imagery and descritpive scheme.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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It takes very special people to live their life as ranchers. This is very well written with very good imagery and descritpive scheme.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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thanks C_L
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You're welcome, DW. Charlie
Comment from Janine Ellis-Fynn
This is a beautiful, very well described poem about the life of a cowboy. How awesome the scenery, but how sad the price you pay. Loneliness is a terrible thing. Well written, well done and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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This is a beautiful, very well described poem about the life of a cowboy. How awesome the scenery, but how sad the price you pay. Loneliness is a terrible thing. Well written, well done and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you
Comment from Nicki_Mist
This cowboy is a simply man, (simple)
I love this poem and its truefulness of what happens at times. The imagery is great. I can see how it would hurt for the woman to be bitter about such a life. Great poem
Nicole
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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This cowboy is a simply man, (simple)
I love this poem and its truefulness of what happens at times. The imagery is great. I can see how it would hurt for the woman to be bitter about such a life. Great poem
Nicole
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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thanks Nicki
Comment from Fish
This is just a little bit too wordy.
The ideas could be more thriftily
conveyed with a bit of pruning and
shearing. Maybe take out a hoe or
something. Separate the wheat from
the chaff. Nuke the little words
which don't make no sense hanging
out at the barber shop.
fish
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
|
This is just a little bit too wordy.
The ideas could be more thriftily
conveyed with a bit of pruning and
shearing. Maybe take out a hoe or
something. Separate the wheat from
the chaff. Nuke the little words
which don't make no sense hanging
out at the barber shop.
fish
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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thanks fish
Comment from Jarlsbane
Hello Deepwater--
I think this is my first time reviewing a poem of yours. I would like to say that I enjoyed the poem but there are so many grammatical errors that it was distracting to read the first time through. I think you have a great ground work lain here but you need to heed the advice of the other reviewers and make the appropriate changes for this piece to stand tall. I am actually a little baffled why you haven't fixed the problems when they really are an easy fix. Let me add my two cents as I may catch something others don't.
ride's = rides
issue's = issues
change lay to lying
lowland's = lowlands
cowboy's = cowboys
feed's = feeds
ride's = rides
the fence line around = change to 'round (better flow)
was = were
need an etra syllable for flow = were torn down
life's = lifes
that very next day = the very next day
simply = simple
swat = sweat ? unsure of context here
sweat and forlorn = forced rhyming here
Coffee = lose the caps
I hope you are sincere in wanting to improve your writing, if not I guess I just wasted a bunch of time- let me know if you make changes and I will re-rate!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Hello Deepwater--
I think this is my first time reviewing a poem of yours. I would like to say that I enjoyed the poem but there are so many grammatical errors that it was distracting to read the first time through. I think you have a great ground work lain here but you need to heed the advice of the other reviewers and make the appropriate changes for this piece to stand tall. I am actually a little baffled why you haven't fixed the problems when they really are an easy fix. Let me add my two cents as I may catch something others don't.
ride's = rides
issue's = issues
change lay to lying
lowland's = lowlands
cowboy's = cowboys
feed's = feeds
ride's = rides
the fence line around = change to 'round (better flow)
was = were
need an etra syllable for flow = were torn down
life's = lifes
that very next day = the very next day
simply = simple
swat = sweat ? unsure of context here
sweat and forlorn = forced rhyming here
Coffee = lose the caps
I hope you are sincere in wanting to improve your writing, if not I guess I just wasted a bunch of time- let me know if you make changes and I will re-rate!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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thanks for the comments Jar yes i do need some help in this area and i will get to change so thanks again
Comment from GentleWind
What a beautiful piece! Farmer or rancher, you have a poet inside that heart. This piece flows well and the imagery shows a hard life, but an honest one. Kudos to you. Great job
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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What a beautiful piece! Farmer or rancher, you have a poet inside that heart. This piece flows well and the imagery shows a hard life, but an honest one. Kudos to you. Great job
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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thank you
Comment from fictionwriter
He needed to find one that wanted that life as much as he did. I would gladly have gone and done all that and loved every minute. Great job.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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He needed to find one that wanted that life as much as he did. I would gladly have gone and done all that and loved every minute. Great job.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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thanks Fiction