Capone's Vault
Revenge is always sweet!15 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
Oh my gosh, how flipping creepy! This IS fiction, right? :-)
You did a brilliant job with the prompt. Gave ME goose pimples.
I think I'm a wuss!
I'll have to be on the lookout for further tales from you.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Oh my gosh, how flipping creepy! This IS fiction, right? :-)
You did a brilliant job with the prompt. Gave ME goose pimples.
I think I'm a wuss!
I'll have to be on the lookout for further tales from you.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your enthusiastic response to CAPONE'S VAULT. Yes, it is fiction and was a lot of fun to write. Rod
Comment from Bill Schott
Ahhh! The Cask of Bootleg Liquor. This update follows the general theme and gives our narrator that 'guilty but justified' point of view. The allusion to Poe acts as a citation for the obvious story line parallel. Nice.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Ahhh! The Cask of Bootleg Liquor. This update follows the general theme and gives our narrator that 'guilty but justified' point of view. The allusion to Poe acts as a citation for the obvious story line parallel. Nice.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Thank you for sharing my story, Bill, I think I like your title more than mine. Rod
Comment from Dean Kuch
Your story is based on either the Tomb of Ligeia, or William Wilson. Perhaps the Black Cat--I'm not really sure.
What I am sure about is this. When wrong-doing befalls a bully they have no one but themselves to blame.
I would hope that Monty had the wherewithal to bury Joey Fortunato's rotting corpse.
Good story and best of luck.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Your story is based on either the Tomb of Ligeia, or William Wilson. Perhaps the Black Cat--I'm not really sure.
What I am sure about is this. When wrong-doing befalls a bully they have no one but themselves to blame.
I would hope that Monty had the wherewithal to bury Joey Fortunato's rotting corpse.
Good story and best of luck.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your kind praise, Dean. I love the trotting Poe figure, but all three of your guesses are incorrect.
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Oh well. I tried.
You're very welcome.
Good luck!
~Dean :)
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'Kidnapped' writing prompt.
Well done. Your story is well and easy to follow and understand.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the 'Kidnapped' writing prompt.
Well done. Your story is well and easy to follow and understand.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Sharon, for your very kind praise of CAPONE'S VAULT.
Comment from emptypage
You wrote, "I appeared as the Grim Reaper sans scythe, wearing a black monk's robe and a skull mask."--Cool. Who was the black monk whose robes you were wearing? (Pardon my smart assery. Might I suggest, "...wearing the black robes one might see on a monk" or some other variation for clarity?
Great story, though. And wonderful tension. The last line should be considered a classic.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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You wrote, "I appeared as the Grim Reaper sans scythe, wearing a black monk's robe and a skull mask."--Cool. Who was the black monk whose robes you were wearing? (Pardon my smart assery. Might I suggest, "...wearing the black robes one might see on a monk" or some other variation for clarity?
Great story, though. And wonderful tension. The last line should be considered a classic.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your very kind praise of CAPONE'S VAULT and your astute commentary. Do you think Monty's eccentric uncle could have been a monk at one time?
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Absolutely--but share that with your readers!
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Mystery Writer. I enjoyed this one. It has the most entertaining story line to this brief. I loved the conclusion where he is still missing and school has been great. Well done. This one gets my vote. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Hello Mystery Writer. I enjoyed this one. It has the most entertaining story line to this brief. I loved the conclusion where he is still missing and school has been great. Well done. This one gets my vote. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Wow! Thank you, Kiwi, for the wonderful praise and your very welcome vote.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This has shades of one of Poe's great works :). Joey should have known that there was nothing to see in Capone's vault as Geraldo had shown everyone that years ago LOL. You did a great job with this and certainly teach all bullies out there that there will be payback for bad behavior. All the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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This has shades of one of Poe's great works :). Joey should have known that there was nothing to see in Capone's vault as Geraldo had shown everyone that years ago LOL. You did a great job with this and certainly teach all bullies out there that there will be payback for bad behavior. All the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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I am delighted to have shared this short-short with you, MA. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer, (--wink--)
This is a superbly written piece and I enjoyed it immensely. I think you handled the topic of kidnapping beautifully and in a believable manner. (Horribly so, actually.) *smile* Almost as if you've been planning this for a while, really. Did you have some bullies in school, my pet? hmmmm...
One question:
1.) Did you mean to have the extra word at the end, after 'still missing'?
Fortunato's still missing.
--> Capone's
Thanks and much good luck to you in the voting!
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Dear Mystery Writer, (--wink--)
This is a superbly written piece and I enjoyed it immensely. I think you handled the topic of kidnapping beautifully and in a believable manner. (Horribly so, actually.) *smile* Almost as if you've been planning this for a while, really. Did you have some bullies in school, my pet? hmmmm...
One question:
1.) Did you mean to have the extra word at the end, after 'still missing'?
Fortunato's still missing.
--> Capone's
Thanks and much good luck to you in the voting!
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Ah, Robyn, you have made my day with your high praise of CAPONE'S VAULT and those six bright stars. I was bullied in junior high. Many thanks for pointing out the spag, too.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You did a good job with this piece. It's all in the telling for this one. The main character has a distinctive and strong voice. nice job
GMG
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Hi there,
You did a good job with this piece. It's all in the telling for this one. The main character has a distinctive and strong voice. nice job
GMG
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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I am very pleased you enjoyed this story, GMF. You never know what kind of "voice" you will create when you use the first person POV. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from BeasPeas
Great story. Well written and interesting. Vengeance is so satisfying when it comes to bullies. I do remember the "bust" when Geraldo Rivera made a big deal of opening the vault--nothing. Good hype though. Marilyn
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Great story. Well written and interesting. Vengeance is so satisfying when it comes to bullies. I do remember the "bust" when Geraldo Rivera made a big deal of opening the vault--nothing. Good hype though. Marilyn
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for sharing CAPONE'S VAULT, Marilyn, and your great praise. This one was fun to write.