Dead Butterfly and Sleeping Giant
Prose poem and haiku68 total reviews
Comment from cumulus365
Sis Cat, the prose part gives a flash back of your younger years to let reader in on your growing up life with a strong-willed mother. Kids don't listen to their parents since they think they know better than their parents. But as they've grown up, they seem to come around. Your mum just wanted to have her legacy followed and now she got her wish. Bless your mum's heart. The little ending with the haiku is lovely. Just like how the literate Japs of higher stature would do with their writings. Your satori is a simile of the broken butterfly that the breeze blows the tattered colorful wings during decomposition.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2017
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Sis Cat, the prose part gives a flash back of your younger years to let reader in on your growing up life with a strong-willed mother. Kids don't listen to their parents since they think they know better than their parents. But as they've grown up, they seem to come around. Your mum just wanted to have her legacy followed and now she got her wish. Bless your mum's heart. The little ending with the haiku is lovely. Just like how the literate Japs of higher stature would do with their writings. Your satori is a simile of the broken butterfly that the breeze blows the tattered colorful wings during decomposition.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2017
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Yes, cumulus365, Mom got her wish! Bless her heart! Her legacy continues.
Thank you for your review.
Comment from sandy montgomery
This was one of the most beautiful prose poems I have ever read. It touched me deeply reminding me of my own mother's encouragement of my writing. The imagery here is breathtakingly powerful. What a blessing for the world that you emerged from that egg and flew. Thank you for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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This was one of the most beautiful prose poems I have ever read. It touched me deeply reminding me of my own mother's encouragement of my writing. The imagery here is breathtakingly powerful. What a blessing for the world that you emerged from that egg and flew. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Sandy, for your kind review. I am still amazed at my mother's encouraging words. Every time I am published or receive an award, I think back to her encouraging words. I am glad I emerged from my shell. Thank you once again, and thank you for writing this prose poem's last review before the certificate expired.
Comment from Jumbo J
Andre((((((((((((((!
The emotional tie and connection I felt while reading this beautiful story poem sprinkled with the haiku was something truly special to read. I guess the fact I also am a late bloomer and didn't start writing any poetry or prose until four years ago (I'm now fifty six) helped the cause... but the truth be known, I would have love the story of regardless. The haiku you composed tied in so beautifully to the story and was a stand out on its own... yes, what a magic way to solidify your intent... with the echoing words that connected to your Mother... beautiful work my friend!
What a truly magical connection to your Mother and her foreseen aspirations for her son... perfect!
With our thoughts we create,
metamorphosis,
James.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Andre((((((((((((((!
The emotional tie and connection I felt while reading this beautiful story poem sprinkled with the haiku was something truly special to read. I guess the fact I also am a late bloomer and didn't start writing any poetry or prose until four years ago (I'm now fifty six) helped the cause... but the truth be known, I would have love the story of regardless. The haiku you composed tied in so beautifully to the story and was a stand out on its own... yes, what a magic way to solidify your intent... with the echoing words that connected to your Mother... beautiful work my friend!
What a truly magical connection to your Mother and her foreseen aspirations for her son... perfect!
With our thoughts we create,
metamorphosis,
James.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, James, for your kind and generous six star review on my poem about "a truly magical connection to your Mother and her foreseen aspirations for her son." I had ran from her poetry for most of my life, but decided to turn and face her butterfly haiku head on and write my own. A late bloomer herself, she possessed an uncanny foreknowledge of late-bloomers which astounds me. Thank you once again, and thank you for granting my poem its last six star review before the certificate expired.
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My pleasure Andre... I love unique and original... you gave me and your readers both... go the late-bloomers... nothing wrong with a slow burn!
Comment from DonandVicki
I still say this is a very good Haibun. very nice prose poem that gives a lot of insight. Mothers instill their egg/wisdom in their children and hope to hell something hatches.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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I still say this is a very good Haibun. very nice prose poem that gives a lot of insight. Mothers instill their egg/wisdom in their children and hope to hell something hatches.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Yes, Don and Vicki, "Mothers instill their egg/wisdom in their children and hope to hell something hatches." Thank you for your review.
Comment from Kingsrookviii
I love this poem. This reminds me of my mom, also. She is the one who encouraged me to read and who I got my artistic side from. This speaks of pure love and the story is absolutely incredible, my friend. I have no doubt that her spirit is with you as you write. You are connected still. I know it. Take care. Bruce.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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I love this poem. This reminds me of my mom, also. She is the one who encouraged me to read and who I got my artistic side from. This speaks of pure love and the story is absolutely incredible, my friend. I have no doubt that her spirit is with you as you write. You are connected still. I know it. Take care. Bruce.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Yes, Bruce, Mom's spirit is with me as I write. We're connected still. Thank you for your review and for sharing your sory about your own encouraging mother.
Comment from kiwisteveh
This is bold in its 'differentness' and an insightful tribute to your mother and her belief in you. What a powerful thing to carry within you!
The image in your haiku of the dying butterfly and the legacy she leaves is well-conceived and executed.
Steve
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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This is bold in its 'differentness' and an insightful tribute to your mother and her belief in you. What a powerful thing to carry within you!
The image in your haiku of the dying butterfly and the legacy she leaves is well-conceived and executed.
Steve
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Steve, for your generous, six star review and kind words.If I am able to write this boldly, it is because I stand on the shoulders of my mother. Even my haiku was inspired by hers. Thanks again.
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
I must say that it helped me with your poem when I read the small blurb at the side of the page. I then read the piece out loud, allowing the actress out to enjoy the parts and pieces of yourself and your mother that you have committed to paper. Visually, I thought it had an excess of words - but you are an oral storyteller. I wanted more poetic device than you offered but loved the glimpse into Sis Cat. I could relate to the story line but wanted more show, less tell - but you are an oral storyteller. I don't know exactly the goal you wish to reach with this piece, but I love your mother and the strong visual in the ending haiku. - rosehill (Wendy)
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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I must say that it helped me with your poem when I read the small blurb at the side of the page. I then read the piece out loud, allowing the actress out to enjoy the parts and pieces of yourself and your mother that you have committed to paper. Visually, I thought it had an excess of words - but you are an oral storyteller. I wanted more poetic device than you offered but loved the glimpse into Sis Cat. I could relate to the story line but wanted more show, less tell - but you are an oral storyteller. I don't know exactly the goal you wish to reach with this piece, but I love your mother and the strong visual in the ending haiku. - rosehill (Wendy)
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Wendy, for your detailed review, The goals I achieved were to tell a story straight by stripping the language of poetic devices--no rhymes, no alliteration, etc. I did not want it to sound like poetry but that I am recalling memories, for example:
"She then gave me a gift subscription to Poets & Writers and died."
Nothing sentimental nor showy about that line. I state facts.
I also want to break away from other prose poetry writers with their dense paragraphs. I wanted my writing to breath.
I am glad you providing a review and critique of my poem because it encouraged me to reexamine why I made the choices I made.
Thanks again.
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In that case, it was perfect. I think that I got a bit confused because I plucked it out of the "Poetry" reading bin and so my expectations followed. As one of the many hats I have worn in this life, I really was an actress and director so my comments about your performance art were not a criticism, but an acknowledgement of the power of the piece when read aloud. I hope that came across. It really was a supurb read, I would love to be able to see you perform it.
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Yes, Wendy, I will have to perform this on stage for an open mic. Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, a beautiful poem in a story, undoubtedly a belated and cherished gift to the writer's mother, which I am certain is making her smile in her high domain. I loved the tribute and accompanying haiku, which lends itself quite naturally to the artistry of the poem...
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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In my opinion, a beautiful poem in a story, undoubtedly a belated and cherished gift to the writer's mother, which I am certain is making her smile in her high domain. I loved the tribute and accompanying haiku, which lends itself quite naturally to the artistry of the poem...
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, evesayshi, for your review of my beautiful tribute to my mother. Yes. she smiles in her high domain. Thanks again.
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You are very, very welcome - my pleasure...Eve
Comment from Louise Michelle
What a remarkable story. I had goosebumps when I read through this.
How did your mother know that you would become a writer later on in life? What a strong spiritual connection the two of you had. This is awe inspiring.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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What a remarkable story. I had goosebumps when I read through this.
How did your mother know that you would become a writer later on in life? What a strong spiritual connection the two of you had. This is awe inspiring.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Louise, for your generous review of my awe-inspiring story which gave you goosebumps.
Comment from LoveLifeKnight
I love this! its so inspiring for a possible late bloomer like me. a true story with a very poetic ending, though not a happy one exactly. I'm glad you were able to find poetry in your heart
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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I love this! its so inspiring for a possible late bloomer like me. a true story with a very poetic ending, though not a happy one exactly. I'm glad you were able to find poetry in your heart
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Yes, LoveLifeKnight, there is hope for latebloomers like us. I am glad I found my heart in poetry. Thank you for your generous, six star review.