Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 83 "Alliterisen Altercation"Poems /stories on Fanstory
7 total reviews
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hi..Neat alliteration because of its rhythm. You have a solid beginning with the 'bubbling brain bursting with thought' I like the muddled mind concept the best because I know all readers can identify with this feeling. Good luck in the contest and cheers.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2015
Hi..Neat alliteration because of its rhythm. You have a solid beginning with the 'bubbling brain bursting with thought' I like the muddled mind concept the best because I know all readers can identify with this feeling. Good luck in the contest and cheers.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2015
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Thank you Benjamin for reading this piece ( my first attempt) so a little unsure how it would go. And yes a muddled mind is often the case but it is fun thinking up stuff. ( good or bad it's been a great place) so thanks again and appreciate your time Cheers
Comment from royowen
You have certainly fulfilled all the requirements of the contest, very clever alliteration, the rhyming is spot on, an altogether good entry in this poetry alliteration contest, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2015
You have certainly fulfilled all the requirements of the contest, very clever alliteration, the rhyming is spot on, an altogether good entry in this poetry alliteration contest, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2015
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Thank you Roy for your great review and rating. Wasn't sure if this was what was required, but I have some great feedback so perhaps not too bad fun trying and learning all the time have a great day Cheers
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I think you did!
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Will give it another try soon Cheers
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Well done
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
Looks like a very good attempt to me (though I have never tried one myself). Form and syllable counts are correct, according to contest rules. The process of going from inspiration to confusion sounds familiar to me. Good luck in the contest, Jeanie Mercer
P.S. I like the photo, and upside down does seem appropriate.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
Looks like a very good attempt to me (though I have never tried one myself). Form and syllable counts are correct, according to contest rules. The process of going from inspiration to confusion sounds familiar to me. Good luck in the contest, Jeanie Mercer
P.S. I like the photo, and upside down does seem appropriate.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
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Thanks Jeanie for your encouraging review and rating for this Alliterisen. One can only have a go lol . Yes the photo scanned into FS upside down and I thought it appropriate to leave it like that. So thanks for your time and comments Cheers
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Alliterisen Altercation
Excellent entry for the Rhyming Alliterisen Contest. Good job with the syllable count. The poem in it self is funny and clever, good format. Well done my friend!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
Alliterisen Altercation
Excellent entry for the Rhyming Alliterisen Contest. Good job with the syllable count. The poem in it self is funny and clever, good format. Well done my friend!
Comment Written 13-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
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Thank Gypsy Blue Rose for your lovely feedback and I'm glad it seems to fit the requirements appreciate your comments Cheers
Comment from lightink
This works very well! In this case, alliteration is supporting the portrayal of a mental space, and the effect is really good: almost like being stuck at an abstract place where the music of words determine everything yet the meaning behind the word is getting through the cracks! At least, this is how I interpret it! :)
Good lick at the contest!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
This works very well! In this case, alliteration is supporting the portrayal of a mental space, and the effect is really good: almost like being stuck at an abstract place where the music of words determine everything yet the meaning behind the word is getting through the cracks! At least, this is how I interpret it! :)
Good lick at the contest!
Comment Written 13-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
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Yes that's about it in a nut shell thanks for your great interpretation and for your time to read this appreciate this very much Cheers
Comment from starkat
This is a clever, thought provoking alliterisen filled with fun and interesting alliterations along with some solid rhymes. You packed a lot into only 7 silly bells per line. It makes sense that such a muddled mind will have trouble coming up with visioned verse.
suggestions -
clever clues coming (to) mind {not 'too'}
somehow {one word}
Fascinating poem and picture of the upside down guy with his bubbling brain bursting with thought.
Enjoyed your poem. Excellent contest entry.
Cheers ... ;o)
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
This is a clever, thought provoking alliterisen filled with fun and interesting alliterations along with some solid rhymes. You packed a lot into only 7 silly bells per line. It makes sense that such a muddled mind will have trouble coming up with visioned verse.
suggestions -
clever clues coming (to) mind {not 'too'}
somehow {one word}
Fascinating poem and picture of the upside down guy with his bubbling brain bursting with thought.
Enjoyed your poem. Excellent contest entry.
Cheers ... ;o)
Comment Written 13-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
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Thanks stark at for your great review and rating for this poem and also for you helpful suggestions I never know when to put to or too so thanks I appreciate your reading and giving me feedback Always a bit of fun to try something new Cheers
Comment from tennesseerose
I chose 4 stars because the first 2 lines each have 8 syllables. After that, I'm lost, not due to your writing, but to confusion concerning the style. Alliterisen (the repetition of a singular beginning sound over several words that are in proximity to one another). Not sure on this...if you can explain, please help me!
Anyway, the rhyming scheme is perfect! I think this may be not bad for a first try...
Good luck!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
I chose 4 stars because the first 2 lines each have 8 syllables. After that, I'm lost, not due to your writing, but to confusion concerning the style. Alliterisen (the repetition of a singular beginning sound over several words that are in proximity to one another). Not sure on this...if you can explain, please help me!
Anyway, the rhyming scheme is perfect! I think this may be not bad for a first try...
Good luck!
Comment Written 13-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015
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Thanks tennesseerose for your feedback. I did check syllable counters a few times but some say 7 and others 8 but appreciate your call on this one as I usually just go with how I sound things out. And will review the Alliterisen requirements a bit further so I know exactly how they should be written , but had fun trying and really value your input so thanks again Cheers
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You're welcome.