The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "THE TWO FACES OF KOJUTAKE"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
18 total reviews
Comment from Dashjianta
Klasco does not like hearing anything that goes contrary to his own understanding of the world. Dialogue flows nicely. Sounds like the three men might be looking for a fight.
Nits:
I pointed at him, grinning. (")That's just how she did it, too."
(")For a while. It's the Prevaluate. You know."
Pulling up to the Inn's doorway, it opened to the blend of music and laughter.
--Sounds like their pulling up caused the door to open. Consider: As we pulled up...
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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Klasco does not like hearing anything that goes contrary to his own understanding of the world. Dialogue flows nicely. Sounds like the three men might be looking for a fight.
Nits:
I pointed at him, grinning. (")That's just how she did it, too."
(")For a while. It's the Prevaluate. You know."
Pulling up to the Inn's doorway, it opened to the blend of music and laughter.
--Sounds like their pulling up caused the door to open. Consider: As we pulled up...
Comment Written 27-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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Thanks for this and the nits as well. I'll be putting this in my folder for the edit. I agree, "As we pulled up" would be better. I may go back and fix these tonight. Just got back from our Thanksgiving dinner. It's family time, so I couldn't very well be reading FanStory. Now I'm back and am waaaaay behind on my reading.
Comment from Loren (7)
Conversations blend well with the narrative and move the story along. I like the budding relationship of Doctrex and Klasco
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Conversations blend well with the narrative and move the story along. I like the budding relationship of Doctrex and Klasco
Comment Written 22-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Thank you, Loren! I am so happy you came back and read this. I hope you catch the next one ... when the action begins.
Comment from A.R. Curry
After that hilarious comment you made in a review of my work, I wanted to check out some of your stuff. I'm glad to say that it only took reading your first paragraph to know I was in good hands. Great job with this. I've yet to read the whole thing, but I'm sure it's consistent. Below are a few errors.
"Well put, Brother" (Period after brother)
That's just how she did it, too." (You forgot quotation marks at the beginning.)
I told him I was; and, then (I'd cut the semicolon. Besides, I've heard it pretty much replaces "and" for styling reasons I don't quite comprehend. Again, good job with this. Keep it up.
Curry
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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After that hilarious comment you made in a review of my work, I wanted to check out some of your stuff. I'm glad to say that it only took reading your first paragraph to know I was in good hands. Great job with this. I've yet to read the whole thing, but I'm sure it's consistent. Below are a few errors.
"Well put, Brother" (Period after brother)
That's just how she did it, too." (You forgot quotation marks at the beginning.)
I told him I was; and, then (I'd cut the semicolon. Besides, I've heard it pretty much replaces "and" for styling reasons I don't quite comprehend. Again, good job with this. Keep it up.
Curry
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Thank you for your catches, Curry. I HATE making mistakes, and they're always being pointed out to me. Sorry you didn't read the entire chapter.
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Sorry, I didn't say that correctly. I meant I've yet to read the whole (Book), as in all the other chapters. I did read this entire posting. Why else would I review? I'm not that big of a tool lol.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for the pleasure of another great chapter of relationship building between Klasco and Doxtrex as they learn about each other and better get ready for a fight. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Thanks for the pleasure of another great chapter of relationship building between Klasco and Doxtrex as they learn about each other and better get ready for a fight. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Well! How'd you know they're gettin' ready for a fight? LOL, wouldn't hurt for them to prepare, though. Hey, thanks, Ric. Stay tuned for Friday's post.
Comment from Adi
I loved your story very very very very very very very very very very very very very much that`s why I gave it 5 stars.
If I could I would give it 1000000000 stars.
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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I loved your story very very very very very very very very very very very very very much that`s why I gave it 5 stars.
If I could I would give it 1000000000 stars.
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Thanks, Adi! I'll take five stars! Stick around for Friday's new posting.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I find I look forward to each chapter you post and you make it interesting along the way, (recounting what happened with Axtilla, for instance). Also it's a revision for us not to lose track of the facts, Giddy
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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I find I look forward to each chapter you post and you make it interesting along the way, (recounting what happened with Axtilla, for instance). Also it's a revision for us not to lose track of the facts, Giddy
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Oh, thank you Giddy. I was afraid you were out of town and going to miss this one! LOL, yeah, the recaps weren't altogether popular, though. It was important, nonetheless, for me to contrast the ways the cultures viewed the same phenomena and it was brought to bear by their dialogue. No more review, at least for two chapters.
Comment from emrpoems
Great character interaction. Good descriptive language
Good story development allowing me to ready at a nice steady pace
Held my interest throughout so that I will return to read the next chapter
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Great character interaction. Good descriptive language
Good story development allowing me to ready at a nice steady pace
Held my interest throughout so that I will return to read the next chapter
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Thank you, emrpoems. I think you'll like the next chapter. There is more physical action in it, less talkin', more doin'. Thank you so much for reading this!
Comment from Liandra
Oh dear, I hope they're not in too deep with those three burly fellows!
(He reigned the crossans, whinnying and snorting off the roadway.) This sentence reminded me of my horse when I reigned her. At times she would fight me, but she soon settled. She was a black beauty, with a strong nature. She wouldn't allow anyone else on her back, all but me. We had a wonderful relationship.
Anyway, this chapter is fitting the pieces together beautifully. Your description of events is clear, for me anyway.
Look forward to the next read.
:) Liandra
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Oh dear, I hope they're not in too deep with those three burly fellows!
(He reigned the crossans, whinnying and snorting off the roadway.) This sentence reminded me of my horse when I reigned her. At times she would fight me, but she soon settled. She was a black beauty, with a strong nature. She wouldn't allow anyone else on her back, all but me. We had a wonderful relationship.
Anyway, this chapter is fitting the pieces together beautifully. Your description of events is clear, for me anyway.
Look forward to the next read.
:) Liandra
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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The next chapter, as you might well imagine, will be more action and less jawing. I'm glad you have experience with horses. I have none whatsoever -- as a matter of fact they frighten me. As you will discover, starting about three more chapters into it, there will be a close relationship between Doctrex and his crossan. I googled as much as I could about riding technique, but usually the reader can tell when it's just not right. I hope you'll be there to do that for me. In the meantime, thank you so much for being here and enjoying.
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You're welcome.
Yes, if I can be of help with the horse world, I'll certainly be there.
:) Liandra
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Thank you, Liandra.
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You're welcome.
Comment from c_lucas
You are doing a good job. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. It is hard to discuss strange matters with someone of a different culture.
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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You are doing a good job. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. It is hard to discuss strange matters with someone of a different culture.
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Well! Thank you, Charlie, for the 6-er! I for one am looking forward to the next chapter, when the action begins. I mean, what good can happen in a tavern?
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You earned the sixer, Jay. Charlie
Comment from Walter L. Jones
Escape from the world about me, value laid open, story remembered, bond form and create, add value, see beyond, lay the line and foundation to come, a smile for sure.. Walt
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Escape from the world about me, value laid open, story remembered, bond form and create, add value, see beyond, lay the line and foundation to come, a smile for sure.. Walt
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Thank you Walt Your crits read like your poetry, LOL. Thanks, bud.