Footsteps in the Snow
100 word contest19 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
Ooooh! I had to read this twice. Gave me chills when I figured it out. He was inside all the time! Good job of painting a scary scene.
Sol
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2013
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Ooooh! I had to read this twice. Gave me chills when I figured it out. He was inside all the time! Good job of painting a scary scene.
Sol
Comment Written 27-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2013
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Yes! You got it. Only a few readers did. I thought it was obvious, but I guess not. Gotta work on that. Thanks Sol for reading and sharing. John
Comment from Gungalo
Yikes I wouldn't want to be standing there face to face with a killer. LOL and to worry about the cat? Nah I don't think so.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2013
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Yikes I wouldn't want to be standing there face to face with a killer. LOL and to worry about the cat? Nah I don't think so.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2013
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Thank you much for a good review. John
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Smile.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
I didn't count the words but.... I like the story. You got all the words in! Strong beginning and scarrrrrrrrry ending. That's what makes a thriller. Good job, Carolyn
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2013
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I didn't count the words but.... I like the story. You got all the words in! Strong beginning and scarrrrrrrrry ending. That's what makes a thriller. Good job, Carolyn
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2013
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Thanks Carolyn. Word count was approx 120. Thanks for a great review. Much appreciated. John
Comment from EMB
Hmm. How could he have a reflection in "total darkness"? That's why it took me a second to figure out what you were saying at the end. Typically, when the lights go out at night, it's darker in the house than outside, so it's more probably to catch a reflection standing outside with the help of the moon and stars than you could looking from inside a dark house into a moonlit night.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Hmm. How could he have a reflection in "total darkness"? That's why it took me a second to figure out what you were saying at the end. Typically, when the lights go out at night, it's darker in the house than outside, so it's more probably to catch a reflection standing outside with the help of the moon and stars than you could looking from inside a dark house into a moonlit night.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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I see your point. I guess I never processed it like that. I appreciate your pointing that out to me,
Comment from poesyapprentice
Definitely an interesting piece which keeps you right there with it! With so few words it's hard to tell an entire chain of events without sounding choppy due to limited space for detail. This entry is fast paced and left me feeling I had gone thru a whirlwind when done. The subject matter was a good choice for this kind of pace. I hope you do well in contest! : )
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Definitely an interesting piece which keeps you right there with it! With so few words it's hard to tell an entire chain of events without sounding choppy due to limited space for detail. This entry is fast paced and left me feeling I had gone thru a whirlwind when done. The subject matter was a good choice for this kind of pace. I hope you do well in contest! : )
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Thank you much for reading and your positive commentary. I certainly appreciate it.
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Yw : )
Comment from Child of the King
I like stories like these. You had me terrified for her. Good choce of words to begin and end the scene. Good luck with
the contest. Kudos
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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I like stories like these. You had me terrified for her. Good choce of words to begin and end the scene. Good luck with
the contest. Kudos
Comment Written 22-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Thank you Child of the King. I appreciate your time on reviewing my writing, also for the positive commentary.
Comment from adewpearl
You incorporate the required contest words well - I like rock your world instead of just having a rock in the story
What a dramatic story that has a great sense of tension and danger, which is hard to develop in so few words :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2013
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You incorporate the required contest words well - I like rock your world instead of just having a rock in the story
What a dramatic story that has a great sense of tension and danger, which is hard to develop in so few words :-) Brooke
Comment Written 22-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2013
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Thank you Brooke. I've had so many mixed reviews on this story, from comical to even the cat having the lecherous smile. You got it right. Thank you.
Comment from aakemp
Overall, not a bad story. There are several things, though, that I felt could be improved:
1) I have no idea whom she was talking to in, "Be home soon. I'm gonna rock your wor..." CLICK!
2)Same thing: whom was she talking to here? "Startled, she dropped the phone. "Get the light switch." Nothing.
3) An obscule word like "edentulous" does not match the rest of the story; "toothless" would have fit better.
4)This sentence appears to have been thrown in just to get the word "breakfast" in your story. It doesn't add a thing to the story itself."She took her eyes away from the man when Whiskers, her cat pawed the door. "Meow," meant breakfast."
But, as I said, this is a pretty fair story and reasonably well-written. I'm sure, had the contest rules allowed a longer work, you could have come up with a really suspenseful and spooky story.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2013
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Overall, not a bad story. There are several things, though, that I felt could be improved:
1) I have no idea whom she was talking to in, "Be home soon. I'm gonna rock your wor..." CLICK!
2)Same thing: whom was she talking to here? "Startled, she dropped the phone. "Get the light switch." Nothing.
3) An obscule word like "edentulous" does not match the rest of the story; "toothless" would have fit better.
4)This sentence appears to have been thrown in just to get the word "breakfast" in your story. It doesn't add a thing to the story itself."She took her eyes away from the man when Whiskers, her cat pawed the door. "Meow," meant breakfast."
But, as I said, this is a pretty fair story and reasonably well-written. I'm sure, had the contest rules allowed a longer work, you could have come up with a really suspenseful and spooky story.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2013
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I guess you missed the entire story! Thanks for reading. Next time, an open mind may help.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this story about the way our imagination can play tricks on us. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2013
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this story about the way our imagination can play tricks on us. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 22-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2013
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Thanks sweetwoodjax... I appreciate your time to read and comment.
Comment from Bill Schott
I like this story and the chills it develops on the reader. I guess she died in the end, but it wasn't clear for me. You used 125 words and all the needed ones. Nice job.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2013
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I like this story and the chills it develops on the reader. I guess she died in the end, but it wasn't clear for me. You used 125 words and all the needed ones. Nice job.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2013
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"She gasped her last breath." Died as the escaped murderer was in the house, not outside as she thought. "No footsteps on the snow." Thanks for reading John