Comment from mountainwriter49

Excellent

Good Morning, Wendy,

I enjoyed your fun children's poem. Not only is it written so children will enjoy it, there is found within its lines a moral, a lesson for both children and adults to learn.

You did extremely well with the repeating line. I never sounds forced because you have skillfully changed the 'meaning' of the line due to the adjoining lines. This is not easy to do, but you did it quite well.

The only thing I question is the last line as it has a verb tense conflict with its preceding line.

But no one comes to play because
Priscilla Pigsty was [is] so spoiled.

I don't think the repeating line gods would be offended if you changed 'was' to 'is' in order to have the lines properly aligned. Brooke used to use a similar phrase when she would tweak form poetry.

A fun read, and good luck to you in the contest.

Ray

 Comment Written 23-May-2017

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reply by the author on 23-May-2017

Actually, I was going for the two tenses. Because her parents spoiled her in the past, no one will play with her now. I can change it to 'no one came to play' and change the tense of the other lines in the stanza, but I did want to place the blame squarely on the parents and saying because she 'is so spoiled' makes her the focus. Can you think of a better way to put this? I love the comment and the help. - Wendy

reply by mountainwriter49 on 23-May-2017

Wendy,
Thanks for the feedback. I now see what you're trying to say. I really think you put it squarely on the parents in stanzas 2 and 3 without directly saying so. But given your comments to me, I don't believe I'd change anything. -Ray

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Well Priscilla Pigsley was certainly one spoilt child, with no friends. You seem to have met all the criteria for the contest, plus you've got another chapter for your book, well done Wendy.

 Comment Written 21-May-2017

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reply by the author on 23-May-2017

I wrote this back in 2012 (and didn't win) but I finally stopped pouting and stomping my feet long enough to remember that it was in my portfolio and would be a pretty perfect Pp. - I'm glad you enjoyed her, even at her rottenest best. - Wendy

Comment from alf collier

Excellent

Hahahaha!! I missed this the first time around, I think, but what a great write... did you know I originally hail from New Zealand??? I think I have met Priscilla...a few times!!!

 Comment Written 21-May-2017

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reply by the author on 23-May-2017

Well Alf, since the contest was in 2012 and you weren't even on site yet, you are forgiven. If you do know Priscilla, please keep her over there, OK? Thanks for the R & R.

Comment from marybell1

Excellent

I enjoyed reading another of your children's poems. I like them when they have a message and rhyme well. I also liked you sketch.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.

 Comment Written 21-May-2017

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reply by the author on 23-May-2017

Thanks for taking the time to read and review my words. - Wendy

reply by marybell1 on 23-May-2017

You are most welcome.
Marybell1.

Comment from CD Richards

Excellent

Great work this, Wendy.

"they clapped each time she wet the bed" - it doesn't get much more spoiled than that!

Delightful stuff, excellent.

Craig

 Comment Written 20-May-2017

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reply by the author on 23-May-2017

Thanks for the applause on this one. I tried to think of the silliest reason. These days I guess she would also get a trophy for it. - Wendy

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Ah, This is a good one. A good lesson for children to learn. How to share. No one wants to be around a spoiled selfish individual at all. No nits or spags. Well done. Nancy

 Comment Written 20-May-2017

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reply by the author on 20-May-2017

Thanks for the review Nancy. If you say it's good to go , I believe it. - Wendy

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written children's poem. Spoiled Priscilla never think that she could be wrong, because she was taught that anything she does is right and everything she does no matter how rude, everyone think she is cute.

 Comment Written 20-May-2017

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reply by the author on 20-May-2017

Thanks for the review Sandra. I appreciate your continued reading of the book of alphabet kids - Wendy

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Not an uncommon occurrence these days! No doubt she'll be even more of a challenge as a teenager. Nice use of the form with a sliding repetition, the name of which temporarily eludes me! Clapping the bedwetter seems to be stretching the boundaries a bit. Are there no depths to which parents fear to sink?

 Comment Written 19-May-2017

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reply by the author on 20-May-2017

Ah Tony, these days the parents actively look for ways to keep the applause going, deserved or not. Today's youth are overly spoiled, but the saddest thing is what we have deprived them from achieving: a sense of self respect for a job well done, a sense of responsibility for their actions, an ability to recognize that their actions create ripples in the pond. If everything you do is wonderful, how can you ever truly feel special at any time or in any achievement? Ok, off the soapbox and back to the next poem. Thanks for keeping track of my alphabet kids. - Wendy

Comment from Vijay Kumar V

Excellent

A nice read this morning. This is a beautiful one, "So mean she wouldn't share her toys,
and always chose which games to play.". And I love the use of a specific name everytime instead of a pronoun. And yes what we call a child that he becomes. Have a great weekend.

 Comment Written 19-May-2017

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reply by the author on 20-May-2017

Thanks so much for taking a peek at Priscilla's problem. I appreciate the kind words and your listing specific things you enjoyed. - Wendy

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

LOL! I really enjoyed reading this. I think this illustration is my favorite so far. I like how the ball is mid air. Seems there are a lot of kids like Priscilla nowadays. These are my favorite lines:
"Her parents didn't seem to think
Priscilla Pigsley was so spoiled.
They pampered her with gifts and fed
her chocolates when her temper boiled."

Ha-ha. Sounds like my ex-husband! Just toss him chocolate.
Marilyn

 Comment Written 19-May-2017

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reply by the author on 20-May-2017

I wrote and posted this one in 2012 and decided it was perfect for the alphabet book. My granddaughter and I have been pointing out 'Priscilla's' since then. She had one for a roommate in her college dorm - briefly. I remember the first text after a week of room sharing. "Priscilla alert - on steroids!!!' Glad you liked this one and the artwork mention will again be passed to Lynn. - Wendy