Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Chapter 4, part three"Can love survive small town gossip?
72 total reviews
Comment from afternoonlight
Yummy chapter. Description, detail, scene setting, characters moving around from place to place, smooth transitions. Dialogue and kissing excellent.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Yummy chapter. Description, detail, scene setting, characters moving around from place to place, smooth transitions. Dialogue and kissing excellent.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I wish you would have read it when there were bonus points on it.
Comment from Scornwell
A very well written and emotional chapter. The characters came across strongly and the dialog had an even flow and sounded natural for the characters.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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A very well written and emotional chapter. The characters came across strongly and the dialog had an even flow and sounded natural for the characters.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind reviw.
Comment from robbis4
Your writing possesses such a gentle touch that welcomes and warms you the moment you start to read , your characters have a gentle honesty, makes them believable and likeable , look forward to reading more thank you for sharing bob
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2010
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Your writing possesses such a gentle touch that welcomes and warms you the moment you start to read , your characters have a gentle honesty, makes them believable and likeable , look forward to reading more thank you for sharing bob
Comment Written 12-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from patwannabe
barbara, another wonderful chapter. I love Joe and am happy for Sara. I love warm fuzzy stories and wear my heart on my sleeve.
Take care of yourself and mind the doctor. We want more stories from you. pat
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2010
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barbara, another wonderful chapter. I love Joe and am happy for Sara. I love warm fuzzy stories and wear my heart on my sleeve.
Take care of yourself and mind the doctor. We want more stories from you. pat
Comment Written 12-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your concern. I happen to be a warm and fuzzy person. I appreciate your review.
Comment from vandawalker
Very, very romantic! The pace is slow to compare with the romantic pace of the main characters. I still keep thinking it's just too perfect. I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall. Good work!
I'm a retired teacher and we're a tough breed. You'll make it one day at a time. Praying for you.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2010
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Very, very romantic! The pace is slow to compare with the romantic pace of the main characters. I still keep thinking it's just too perfect. I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall. Good work!
I'm a retired teacher and we're a tough breed. You'll make it one day at a time. Praying for you.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your prayers. I have left it in God's hands. I promise the other foot will fall. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from SiscoMolina
Ugh ... Romance! Not my favorite genre, just ask my girlfriend. But it was well written and I found not SPAG so it read easy and I could envision what I was reading. Joe seems almost a little too perfect though. (Praying for your fast recovery.)
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Ugh ... Romance! Not my favorite genre, just ask my girlfriend. But it was well written and I found not SPAG so it read easy and I could envision what I was reading. Joe seems almost a little too perfect though. (Praying for your fast recovery.)
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your prayers. Joe is not perfect, and we will soon find that out. I appreciate you kind review.
Comment from SWANNY
Overall, well done. The technical aspects of your writing is strong, and I didn't really notice any problems with it.
A few observations:
He scooted away
...I get up, scoot Cassie off to school, and... (You've used 'scoot' twice very close together. You might want to consider changing one of them).
Fair question. I get up around five-thirty and do PT that's physical training. (I'd suggest adding something to separate PT and that's physical training. Maybe: and do PT ... that's physical training).
For the most part, I felt the chapter flowed/moved well. The only negative I could really come up with (and I don't say this to be mean) is that some of the dialogue didn't come off to me as sounding natural. Occationally, I read something that either sounded a bit too corny to me or found myself not caring about the dialogue (wondering what real purpose it served).
It's for that reason that I only awarded 4 stars instead of 5. As I said, the spelling/punctuation etc. etc. is all very good. I just have that one criticism, but for me it's significant enough.
Great job overall.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Overall, well done. The technical aspects of your writing is strong, and I didn't really notice any problems with it.
A few observations:
He scooted away
...I get up, scoot Cassie off to school, and... (You've used 'scoot' twice very close together. You might want to consider changing one of them).
Fair question. I get up around five-thirty and do PT that's physical training. (I'd suggest adding something to separate PT and that's physical training. Maybe: and do PT ... that's physical training).
For the most part, I felt the chapter flowed/moved well. The only negative I could really come up with (and I don't say this to be mean) is that some of the dialogue didn't come off to me as sounding natural. Occationally, I read something that either sounded a bit too corny to me or found myself not caring about the dialogue (wondering what real purpose it served).
It's for that reason that I only awarded 4 stars instead of 5. As I said, the spelling/punctuation etc. etc. is all very good. I just have that one criticism, but for me it's significant enough.
Great job overall.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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I will recheck the dialogue, most of my reviewers praised the dialogue. I liked you idea of separating the PT in the sentence and I am working on the scooted. someone else mentioned it. Thank you for your kind review.
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Perhaps it's just that I don't typically read/write romance. It could be that I'm simply not very familiar with what is typical conversation in a romance novel. It could also be that I was at a bit of a disadvantage from not reading the previous chapters. If I knew the story and characters better, maybe the dialogue would have felt more natural to me. Either way, I thought the writing was overall quite good.
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Not a problem.
Comment from jclark
Barbara, this story is so great! I am excited for the characters to finally unite as a couple but I enjoy all the interaction that you provide as you "grow" each of them. (Did that make sense?) P.S. Hope you are doing ok.
Judy
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Barbara, this story is so great! I am excited for the characters to finally unite as a couple but I enjoy all the interaction that you provide as you "grow" each of them. (Did that make sense?) P.S. Hope you are doing ok.
Judy
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from patmedium
Bang-on target and very well written indeed, which is not surprising, considering who's writing it. This is a wonderfulwrote, as usual. Pat. xx
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Bang-on target and very well written indeed, which is not surprising, considering who's writing it. This is a wonderfulwrote, as usual. Pat. xx
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support and friendship.
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xxxx
Comment from FredCollingwood
Your story is great, but that's unimportant compared to the other things going on in your live. I join those who are wishing well.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Your story is great, but that's unimportant compared to the other things going on in your live. I join those who are wishing well.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Fred, for your well wishes. The support has been amazing and has helped keep me posiitve through this. Thank you for for your review.