The Immortal Life of War
A dialogue only short story16 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I've read this three times now to do justice to this very poignant write. It's clearly about the horrors of war and the memory of a child killed. But more than this, perhaps, is the way the soldier is on auto-pilot at the time and it's only afterwards that the self-talk analysis really takes place and the trauma is properly realised in shocking detail. Thank you for sharing this excellent, in-depth account of the enduring effects of war. Good luck, Videl. Debbie
  |
I've read this three times now to do justice to this very poignant write. It's clearly about the horrors of war and the memory of a child killed. But more than this, perhaps, is the way the soldier is on auto-pilot at the time and it's only afterwards that the self-talk analysis really takes place and the trauma is properly realised in shocking detail. Thank you for sharing this excellent, in-depth account of the enduring effects of war. Good luck, Videl. Debbie
Comment Written 17-Jan-2025
Comment from LJbutterfly
I read this piece two times and saw two different things.
My first reading, "the little red bow I was wearing. Even the teddy bear," captured my attention, leading me to believe the spirit of a deceased little girl was haunting the protagonist.
During my second reading, "But you know I'm not really here, observing, I'm you," loomed large. The protagonist was haunted by his own memories.
In war veteran's minds, a war and memories of horrifying experiences never die. I enjoyed this piece and wish you the best in the contest.
|
I read this piece two times and saw two different things.
My first reading, "the little red bow I was wearing. Even the teddy bear," captured my attention, leading me to believe the spirit of a deceased little girl was haunting the protagonist.
During my second reading, "But you know I'm not really here, observing, I'm you," loomed large. The protagonist was haunted by his own memories.
In war veteran's minds, a war and memories of horrifying experiences never die. I enjoyed this piece and wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2025
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I can take this post two ways. An outside colleague sharing their thoughts, or a self-examined conversation with yourself. I would like the second, best, because I win either way.
|
I can take this post two ways. An outside colleague sharing their thoughts, or a self-examined conversation with yourself. I would like the second, best, because I win either way.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2025
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
"And so many had been laid out on the ground before me ... "
On first read, it sounds like "before" means first, like the person speaking is also on the ground. Perhaps you could say "in front of me" so that the reader has a better picture of what the speaker is saying.
This is a unique "dialogue" entry because the dialogue is occurring between one person and himself.
The last two words are chilling, and they not only sum up the narrator's actions but the actions of unending war.
I wish you luck in the contest, Videl.
xo
Pam
|
"And so many had been laid out on the ground before me ... "
On first read, it sounds like "before" means first, like the person speaking is also on the ground. Perhaps you could say "in front of me" so that the reader has a better picture of what the speaker is saying.
This is a unique "dialogue" entry because the dialogue is occurring between one person and himself.
The last two words are chilling, and they not only sum up the narrator's actions but the actions of unending war.
I wish you luck in the contest, Videl.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 17-Jan-2025
Comment from F. William Lester
Haunting. I've been in combat and, although I wasn't a foot soldier, we all come back changed, different. War has that effect on all of us. Some have it worse than others. This describes the horrors of war and the resulting PTSD that plagues many of our troops. It's not fun, and it kills a number of military members every day, most by their own hand. We have two crises on our hands: how to stop the senselessness of war and how to help it's victims pick up the pieces of their lives. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Be well.
|
Haunting. I've been in combat and, although I wasn't a foot soldier, we all come back changed, different. War has that effect on all of us. Some have it worse than others. This describes the horrors of war and the resulting PTSD that plagues many of our troops. It's not fun, and it kills a number of military members every day, most by their own hand. We have two crises on our hands: how to stop the senselessness of war and how to help it's victims pick up the pieces of their lives. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Be well.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is so interesting and thought provoking. It's horrible how human beings fight or even kill each other on b behalf of others. Peacemakers need to be stepping over each other's bodies to get to some place to talk about solutions. I'm not sure if her killed his own commander or something but either way, I understood your message I hope.
Best wishes,
Alex
|
This is so interesting and thought provoking. It's horrible how human beings fight or even kill each other on b behalf of others. Peacemakers need to be stepping over each other's bodies to get to some place to talk about solutions. I'm not sure if her killed his own commander or something but either way, I understood your message I hope.
Best wishes,
Alex
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from Tim Margetts
This is disturbingly real, the cruelty of war, the reality of a mind trained to kill, to act on reflex as if they don't, they may not be able to act at all.
The loss of innocence, the life ended too early, the haunting memories.
This is an excellent creation
Tim
|
This is disturbingly real, the cruelty of war, the reality of a mind trained to kill, to act on reflex as if they don't, they may not be able to act at all.
The loss of innocence, the life ended too early, the haunting memories.
This is an excellent creation
Tim
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from Gayla putnam
Your piece is chilling and well-written. I reread it twice. The dialogue just grabbed me, and I felt like I was right with the character. Your description of the victim was heartbreaking. It was almost poetry. gayla
|
Your piece is chilling and well-written. I reread it twice. The dialogue just grabbed me, and I felt like I was right with the character. Your description of the victim was heartbreaking. It was almost poetry. gayla
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is excellent and creative as you have used a dialog between a soldier and the child he killed, by accident, but as he was trained. Very shattering for the reader as the horror he must feel sinks in and grabs our throats.
 |
This is excellent and creative as you have used a dialog between a soldier and the child he killed, by accident, but as he was trained. Very shattering for the reader as the horror he must feel sinks in and grabs our throats.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2025
Comment from DonandVicki
A clever way to separate the dialogue by the highlight, not that you needed to do that ,It was clear who was speaking in this well written short story. Well done.
|
A clever way to separate the dialogue by the highlight, not that you needed to do that ,It was clear who was speaking in this well written short story. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2025
