Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 72 "Love of a rose"Musings of an old man - 2022
13 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice artwork and presentation.
-Kudos to you for writing one sonnet every week.
-I enjoy writing them, but not as often.
-I like your opening verse with the good questions your raise.
-The second verse follows well as you are now enamored by the
white lilies. I also like your concluding question.
-A good turn in the next verse with a change in point of view.
-A good closing couplet, as well.
-I also liked the emotion you put into the poem.
-Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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-Nice artwork and presentation.
-Kudos to you for writing one sonnet every week.
-I enjoy writing them, but not as often.
-I like your opening verse with the good questions your raise.
-The second verse follows well as you are now enamored by the
white lilies. I also like your concluding question.
-A good turn in the next verse with a change in point of view.
-A good closing couplet, as well.
-I also liked the emotion you put into the poem.
-Well done.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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I am quite honored by your validation of this sonnet! Thank you!
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You are very welcome, and should be proud of what you are writing. I am posting my terzanelle for Sunday!!!
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I will watch for it~
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Thanks.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Glad you are writing another sonnet and having success with the meter too.
I adore the sentiment here and your Shakespearean style.
I am nit picking, but I thought this would be helpful to you . . .
This line needs a slight adjustment. You have the stress on the word THE which is insignificant:
Else ONE blonde NYMPH o'er THE creek CAUSE my FALL.
suggestion:
"Else one blonde nymph o'er creek could cause my fall."
You have the same problem in line 7.
A joy to read,
Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Glad you are writing another sonnet and having success with the meter too.
I adore the sentiment here and your Shakespearean style.
I am nit picking, but I thought this would be helpful to you . . .
This line needs a slight adjustment. You have the stress on the word THE which is insignificant:
Else ONE blonde NYMPH o'er THE creek CAUSE my FALL.
suggestion:
"Else one blonde nymph o'er creek could cause my fall."
You have the same problem in line 7.
A joy to read,
Love Dolly x
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Dear Dolly, please and thank you for what you declare as nitpicking, and I declare as pure manna falling from the sky. I feel so encouraged by your continued interest in my getting a grasp on sonnet making that is acceptable. Be blessed in all your days, Jim
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You are mastering the art Jim, I am pleased x x x
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I can see you finally get used to the idea of meter. I looked through all the meters and didn't find any wrong ones. This is so Shakespearian, not just the form, even the words usage. I guess Shakespeare's sonnets are mostly about love. You did a great job.
I'm out of six star and will give you one for the next one.
Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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I can see you finally get used to the idea of meter. I looked through all the meters and didn't find any wrong ones. This is so Shakespearian, not just the form, even the words usage. I guess Shakespeare's sonnets are mostly about love. You did a great job.
I'm out of six star and will give you one for the next one.
Well done.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Jasmine Girl, yes, as a free verser, I have struggled mightily with the meter in all poetic genres. However, remarkable people, such as yourself, Dolly, Roy and Panytgnt, and so many others have helped me beyond words of thanks that I could ever properly acknowledge - A grateful man I am, Jim
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
I enjoyed this sonnet and the Shakespearean references.
There was an intention made, that was well realized through the crisp writing of the poet, that materialized as a
thought provoking verse.
I appreciate the interpretive quality, as it allows the reader to fully participate through the lens of their own experience.
Beautiful presentation, thank you for the offering.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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I enjoyed this sonnet and the Shakespearean references.
There was an intention made, that was well realized through the crisp writing of the poet, that materialized as a
thought provoking verse.
I appreciate the interpretive quality, as it allows the reader to fully participate through the lens of their own experience.
Beautiful presentation, thank you for the offering.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from jake cosmos aller
great goal to write a sonnet a week for the year. Perhaps I will try that next year? the sonnet form has always alluded me a bit. Never quite got the meter down. Do you know of any on line tools that could help i writing metrical poetical poems?
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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great goal to write a sonnet a week for the year. Perhaps I will try that next year? the sonnet form has always alluded me a bit. Never quite got the meter down. Do you know of any on line tools that could help i writing metrical poetical poems?
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Hi Jake, I most certainly use a template
left column the rhyme scheme ABAB//CDCD/EFEF/GG
next column double spaced the draft
above each line of the draft
I put the SL //SL // SL // SL// SL
for three years I struggled took three meter classes ad still I struggled, then suddenly the light bulb started glowing and while I still miss a beat I am improving. Good Success!
Comment from Eternal Muse
A lovely Shakespearean sonnet with a nice archaic feel to it. I also liked your font.
Romantic and haunting, this really stays with a reader. Great imagery, visuals and presentation and a nice closing couplet.
I counted 9 syllables in line 1, unless the first word is meant as 2 syllables.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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A lovely Shakespearean sonnet with a nice archaic feel to it. I also liked your font.
Romantic and haunting, this really stays with a reader. Great imagery, visuals and presentation and a nice closing couplet.
I counted 9 syllables in line 1, unless the first word is meant as 2 syllables.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Thank you I think I have it now, so appreciated :)
Comment from dragonpoet
James,
This is a well done Shakespearean sonnet about your love of flowers.
You mention one I've never c heard of. But Ieould go for a bouquet of them all, too
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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James,
This is a well done Shakespearean sonnet about your love of flowers.
You mention one I've never c heard of. But Ieould go for a bouquet of them all, too
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Thanks Joan!
Comment from karenina
Do I dare say that this was a dual theme? Perhaps it's in the eye of the beholder ~ it seemed to speak of flowers, and yet, an underlying meaning regarding how often young women are prized for their beauty ~ particularly if they were metaphorically "wild lilies, pure white..."
I'm out on a limb here. Well, poet, it's what you've inspired!
Karenina
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Do I dare say that this was a dual theme? Perhaps it's in the eye of the beholder ~ it seemed to speak of flowers, and yet, an underlying meaning regarding how often young women are prized for their beauty ~ particularly if they were metaphorically "wild lilies, pure white..."
I'm out on a limb here. Well, poet, it's what you've inspired!
Karenina
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Karenina, wow! you nailed the intention perfectly.
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Whew! I was afraid to go there, lest everyone think me a pervert! (grin)
Comment from Frank Malley
This odd Shakespearean-styled sonnet puzzles me. It 'hoards' [not horde, by the way] flowers in the first stanza and wonders if this will renew their scent and beauty - I think. Each stanza of this poem brings new and almost unsolvable puzzles through its sequence of words. The lines conform to sonnet form, but the poem's grasping after rhymes seems more important than any coherent movement toward a central sense. The 'good' rating of 4 that I give this poem seems perhaps unjustified, but it has hints of actual poetry that cause me to make that choice.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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This odd Shakespearean-styled sonnet puzzles me. It 'hoards' [not horde, by the way] flowers in the first stanza and wonders if this will renew their scent and beauty - I think. Each stanza of this poem brings new and almost unsolvable puzzles through its sequence of words. The lines conform to sonnet form, but the poem's grasping after rhymes seems more important than any coherent movement toward a central sense. The 'good' rating of 4 that I give this poem seems perhaps unjustified, but it has hints of actual poetry that cause me to make that choice.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Frank thank you! I appreciate your honest feedback! I have made several changes to clutter =, again thank you!
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I struggled with that poem. All the best. Frank
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with a difficult style, JLR. I like traditional
sonnets, and this one seems to fit for me. I enjoyed the story told,
too. Great job with the style required. The art choice is fitting.
You should enter the sonnet site contest.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
[ may I suggest--I know your work, your choice. Several words seem a bit to modern when most isn't--just my opinion.)
Would you suggest young rose buds smell anew
whereby when 'oft inhaled, you horde them all?
Could then each fuchsia make a big to do?
Else one blonde nymph o'er the creek cause my fall.
Seen just beyond this rare ground, I was stunned!
Oh sure,(Alas) wild lilies, pure white, brought a sigh.
To pick them all, oh yes!( I must OR I'll try) But the wind hummed,
one must deny pure lusts' ( lust's)adoring ply.
Perhaps, thus then did change my point of view
[In time, did this now change my point of view ]
when this rare gem arose, my senses peaked
[when this rare gem appeared, my senses peaked]
What luck, indeed, this pearl obscure came through
to crush my rose-cheeked love for rose's bloom. [rhyme needed for 'peaked' ]
But then, to first corral my love and lust,
I did procure each one. I knew I must!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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You did a good job with a difficult style, JLR. I like traditional
sonnets, and this one seems to fit for me. I enjoyed the story told,
too. Great job with the style required. The art choice is fitting.
You should enter the sonnet site contest.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
[ may I suggest--I know your work, your choice. Several words seem a bit to modern when most isn't--just my opinion.)
Would you suggest young rose buds smell anew
whereby when 'oft inhaled, you horde them all?
Could then each fuchsia make a big to do?
Else one blonde nymph o'er the creek cause my fall.
Seen just beyond this rare ground, I was stunned!
Oh sure,(Alas) wild lilies, pure white, brought a sigh.
To pick them all, oh yes!( I must OR I'll try) But the wind hummed,
one must deny pure lusts' ( lust's)adoring ply.
Perhaps, thus then did change my point of view
[In time, did this now change my point of view ]
when this rare gem arose, my senses peaked
[when this rare gem appeared, my senses peaked]
What luck, indeed, this pearl obscure came through
to crush my rose-cheeked love for rose's bloom. [rhyme needed for 'peaked' ]
But then, to first corral my love and lust,
I did procure each one. I knew I must!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Jan, oh my goodness! Thank you so much ... vastly improved.