Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 65 "Mountain sights"Musings of an old man - 2022
29 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Great descriptions JLR in your Mountain Sights, Trijan Refrain poem.
I really got a sense of the sodden firs, and the sound and sight of the waterfall. Very nice, cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Great descriptions JLR in your Mountain Sights, Trijan Refrain poem.
I really got a sense of the sodden firs, and the sound and sight of the waterfall. Very nice, cheers
Valda
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Valda, thank you for reviewing Mountain sights.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. I enjoyed reading. The repeating line made the flow almost musical. The words you chose for the descriptions were very good and made for vivid imagery.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. I enjoyed reading. The repeating line made the flow almost musical. The words you chose for the descriptions were very good and made for vivid imagery.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Barbara, thank you!
Comment from Nic
Excellent job on a very complicated form. The nature imagery and the specific natural references (like the westerlies) are beautifully done. Is there a reason that the second line of the third stanza deviates from the pattern you employ with the second lines of the first two stanzas? You had subject/verb pairings the second line of the first two stanzas, but no subject for the second line of your last stanza. I think it would be a stronger poem if you maintained that subject/verb second line pattern.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Excellent job on a very complicated form. The nature imagery and the specific natural references (like the westerlies) are beautifully done. Is there a reason that the second line of the third stanza deviates from the pattern you employ with the second lines of the first two stanzas? You had subject/verb pairings the second line of the first two stanzas, but no subject for the second line of your last stanza. I think it would be a stronger poem if you maintained that subject/verb second line pattern.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Nic, first thank you for the six stars! Second, your comment is spot on and needed revision and is displayed. -- thanks, JLR
Comment from Wendy G
This is very beautiful. Your imagery is startling and perfect for what you are describing. The form seems to be difficult (to me) but you have mastered it with skill and finely crafted words. I like it a great deal.
Wendy
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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This is very beautiful. Your imagery is startling and perfect for what you are describing. The form seems to be difficult (to me) but you have mastered it with skill and finely crafted words. I like it a great deal.
Wendy
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Thank you so very much for your supportive comments, this poetic style was quite the challenge.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I wrote to Jannypan that I thought this was a difficult form to execute convincingly because of the repetitions. You have succeeded admirably Jim, and in my humble opinion should be very pleased with this fine poem. Kate xx
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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I wrote to Jannypan that I thought this was a difficult form to execute convincingly because of the repetitions. You have succeeded admirably Jim, and in my humble opinion should be very pleased with this fine poem. Kate xx
Comment Written 25-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Kate, I am very much appreciate your supportive comments. I did find the weaving of the refrain into a free flowing poem that kept moving, very much a challenge. Best always, Jim
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a clever write and I felt the march of time and the sounds of nature within your poem here. An animated write with a lively choice of words and fun to read, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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This is a clever write and I felt the march of time and the sounds of nature within your poem here. An animated write with a lively choice of words and fun to read, love Dolly x
Comment Written 25-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Smiling back with much gratitude, Jim
Comment from Janet Foor
A unique and challenging form but you accomplished it beautifully.
Lovely imagery in your "Mountain Sights."
Excellent rhyme and internal rhyme.
Very nicely done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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A unique and challenging form but you accomplished it beautifully.
Lovely imagery in your "Mountain Sights."
Excellent rhyme and internal rhyme.
Very nicely done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 25-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Janet, thank you so much! Jim
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice artwork and presentation.
-You did a good job with the form.
-A good topic, effective imagery and rhyme.
-You paint a good word picture of each scene,
along with good repeating phrases.
-My favorite verse is the last one because
the waterfall is so magnificent, and you
use effective sound imagery, like "tumbling,
crashing, splashing" and more!
-Well done!
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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-Nice artwork and presentation.
-You did a good job with the form.
-A good topic, effective imagery and rhyme.
-You paint a good word picture of each scene,
along with good repeating phrases.
-My favorite verse is the last one because
the waterfall is so magnificent, and you
use effective sound imagery, like "tumbling,
crashing, splashing" and more!
-Well done!
Comment Written 25-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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Thanks very much, Pam. Your validation is so appreciated, Jim
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You are very welcome, Jim!
Comment from Aussie
I liked your entry for the Potlatch Poetry. One could feel the rushing water and the logs smashing. tannin from the trees felled colouring the water. This poem moves just like an angry river after the snows. K XX
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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I liked your entry for the Potlatch Poetry. One could feel the rushing water and the logs smashing. tannin from the trees felled colouring the water. This poem moves just like an angry river after the snows. K XX
Comment Written 25-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much!
Comment from leather
The poem seems to showcase movement in each stanza and carries the reader forward from the stream to the waterfall and out to sea--a lovely flowing poem.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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The poem seems to showcase movement in each stanza and carries the reader forward from the stream to the waterfall and out to sea--a lovely flowing poem.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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leather, thank you.