Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Tsking with a frown"Musings of an old man - 2022
30 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Mother Nature, likely the most original force on earth, has suffered significantly from human impact in the last centuries. Humans' interference has irretrievably damaged the diversity of animals and plants.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
  |
Mother Nature, likely the most original force on earth, has suffered significantly from human impact in the last centuries. Humans' interference has irretrievably damaged the diversity of animals and plants.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
-
Yes, this is a very astute remark. Thank you for your comments.
-
per reference searching.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Thanks for sharing the artwork, notes, and poem, Jim.
-I like the title, too.
-Effective imagery and rhyme for Earth Day.
-The opening line is one of my favorites and
makes a good beginning for the poem.
-You do a good job with the beautiful images that follow,
but there is also a downside as time goes on.
-Like you did with the beautiful images, you
do just as well with the negative impact
we are making on a beautiful planet.
-Well done, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
|
-Thanks for sharing the artwork, notes, and poem, Jim.
-I like the title, too.
-Effective imagery and rhyme for Earth Day.
-The opening line is one of my favorites and
makes a good beginning for the poem.
-You do a good job with the beautiful images that follow,
but there is also a downside as time goes on.
-Like you did with the beautiful images, you
do just as well with the negative impact
we are making on a beautiful planet.
-Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
-
Pam, thank you for your thorough reading and comments.
-
You are very welcome.
Comment from Elaine Chiodi
A lovely poem in honor of planet Earth. The images created by your powerful words depict the strength and beauty of Mother Nature, and her anguish caused by man's seeming indifference to her needs. Wishing you well in this contest... ...ec
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
 |
A lovely poem in honor of planet Earth. The images created by your powerful words depict the strength and beauty of Mother Nature, and her anguish caused by man's seeming indifference to her needs. Wishing you well in this contest... ...ec
Comment Written 23-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
-
Elaine, thank you very much, I am so honored to get that precious six-stars.
Comment from Anne Johnston
Great rhyming, well-thought out words to describe the beauties of nature and what man has done to destroy the balance that God created. Very well written and a good entry for the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
|
Great rhyming, well-thought out words to describe the beauties of nature and what man has done to destroy the balance that God created. Very well written and a good entry for the contest.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
-
Anne, thank you kindly!
-
You are welcome
Comment from RGstar
This is an excellent piece of writing JLR, especially the first two stanzas.
You could perhaps tidy the below a little, as the bottom line seems to be both statement and question:
''to rivers downward flow from frothy creeks
forming seven oceans rising how far? Who knows?. ''
''forming seven oceans rising how far? Who knows?.''
Yes...just not worth the reader stopping to ponder over that line when the before had been so excellent.
I have a suggestion, but so many ways one can rearrange.
''forests-rending''
that is a hyphen there, so should it be forest rendering?
If not, perhaps it is meant to be rending (tearing) then need no hyphen there, or just a comma.
Suggestion:
''Clouds forming, more water vapors ascending
above rushing, gushing, heaving, crashing runoff,
created by the ravaging of fertile forests, rending
the protective gown of Nature that men cast off.''
I have looked at it a few times, trying to find the author's vision with that line, and I am certain can be stronger there also.
The reason I stop to point out these two sectors is because I am so impressed by the quality of the poem that these two lines in a stronger form would make all the difference...one to keep. A very good presentation, and still worth the six stars with a little tidy up.
What do you think?
Bravo.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
|
This is an excellent piece of writing JLR, especially the first two stanzas.
You could perhaps tidy the below a little, as the bottom line seems to be both statement and question:
''to rivers downward flow from frothy creeks
forming seven oceans rising how far? Who knows?. ''
''forming seven oceans rising how far? Who knows?.''
Yes...just not worth the reader stopping to ponder over that line when the before had been so excellent.
I have a suggestion, but so many ways one can rearrange.
''forests-rending''
that is a hyphen there, so should it be forest rendering?
If not, perhaps it is meant to be rending (tearing) then need no hyphen there, or just a comma.
Suggestion:
''Clouds forming, more water vapors ascending
above rushing, gushing, heaving, crashing runoff,
created by the ravaging of fertile forests, rending
the protective gown of Nature that men cast off.''
I have looked at it a few times, trying to find the author's vision with that line, and I am certain can be stronger there also.
The reason I stop to point out these two sectors is because I am so impressed by the quality of the poem that these two lines in a stronger form would make all the difference...one to keep. A very good presentation, and still worth the six stars with a little tidy up.
What do you think?
Bravo.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 23-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
-
RG Outstanding feedback! You do know, I hope, how very much I respect your work and your guidance! Best regards!
Comment from LisaMay
Your poem is both an appreciative one of beauty and a condemnation highlighting environmental concerns, from your notes specifically in Haiti.
Your last stanza is very powerful. Use of "ravaging" and casting off the protective gown of nature are euphemisms for how man has raped and pillaged to detrimental extent.
(I quickly read your poem a day or so ago but didn't have time to review it then - I notice you have changed something I was going to suggest changing: you had repeated 'long' in the 2nd sentence and I was going to suggest replacing it with 'deep'. Great minds think alike.)
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
|
Your poem is both an appreciative one of beauty and a condemnation highlighting environmental concerns, from your notes specifically in Haiti.
Your last stanza is very powerful. Use of "ravaging" and casting off the protective gown of nature are euphemisms for how man has raped and pillaged to detrimental extent.
(I quickly read your poem a day or so ago but didn't have time to review it then - I notice you have changed something I was going to suggest changing: you had repeated 'long' in the 2nd sentence and I was going to suggest replacing it with 'deep'. Great minds think alike.)
Comment Written 23-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
-
Smiling back! Thanks so much. LisaMay, yes, your vibrations were received.
Comment from Bill Schott
This Earth Day poem, Tsking with a Frown, seems to focus on the country of Haiti and the environmental disaster that the country can add to its failure in all other areas.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
|
This Earth Day poem, Tsking with a Frown, seems to focus on the country of Haiti and the environmental disaster that the country can add to its failure in all other areas.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
-
Hi Bill,, an onward we go!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this writing prompt entry with us. We should all make it a point to help our Earth on a daily basis. I'm sure just helping in one small way would help, even if it's just picking up a piece of trash we found littered on the ground. I continually pray.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
|
Thank you for sharing this writing prompt entry with us. We should all make it a point to help our Earth on a daily basis. I'm sure just helping in one small way would help, even if it's just picking up a piece of trash we found littered on the ground. I continually pray.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
-
I so agree! Little steps by many makes for better results!
Comment from nomi338
A very fitting denouncement of man s abuse of the natural environment. We refuse to listen to the warnings until it is too late to successfully pull back, turn from our destructive ways and try to do the right thing. Forced to admit, amidst our shameful regret, "OMG They were right all along."
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
|
A very fitting denouncement of man s abuse of the natural environment. We refuse to listen to the warnings until it is too late to successfully pull back, turn from our destructive ways and try to do the right thing. Forced to admit, amidst our shameful regret, "OMG They were right all along."
Comment Written 23-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2022
-
Nomi, yes, thank you!
Comment from Aussie
Beautiful illustration to compliment your Earth Day poem. Man gave up, took what he wanted. Mother nature's tears run quickly now. Droughts, floods, fires, she has seen it all. Man has raped her resources and now, she is fighting back. K xx
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2022
|
Beautiful illustration to compliment your Earth Day poem. Man gave up, took what he wanted. Mother nature's tears run quickly now. Droughts, floods, fires, she has seen it all. Man has raped her resources and now, she is fighting back. K xx
Comment Written 22-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2022
-
Aussie, thank you! I hope your early fall days are filled with wonder.