Eavesdroppers Are We All
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Eavesdroppers Are We All, Sc. 1"A Reader Caught in the Middle of an Intrigue
30 total reviews
Comment from Laurie Holding
Oh, this'll be great fun for me, Jay. A play based in FanStory-Head! Hahaha, thank you for this fabulous introduction to your work, and I'm sorry it took me so long to get to it. So tell me, how many poems/scripts/chapters/stories do you read in a given week? How many member dollars do you bring in, let's say in a good week? I have reviewers telling me to promote my work, but man, I'd have to spend all day on here just to get one of those certificates, right? I mean, if I actually review the work, give solid constructive criticism, say things that actually might get carried on my the writers? I don't want to review just for the bucks, but hey, it's better than forking it out via Paypal! Tell me about your average day/week. Thanks again for the great coffee break.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Oh, this'll be great fun for me, Jay. A play based in FanStory-Head! Hahaha, thank you for this fabulous introduction to your work, and I'm sorry it took me so long to get to it. So tell me, how many poems/scripts/chapters/stories do you read in a given week? How many member dollars do you bring in, let's say in a good week? I have reviewers telling me to promote my work, but man, I'd have to spend all day on here just to get one of those certificates, right? I mean, if I actually review the work, give solid constructive criticism, say things that actually might get carried on my the writers? I don't want to review just for the bucks, but hey, it's better than forking it out via Paypal! Tell me about your average day/week. Thanks again for the great coffee break.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Laurie, so very much for reading this play.
To get to your question. I don't know that I could tell you a number of reviews I do weekly. It's heavily weighted to the prose posts. I find it difficult to offer help in poetry. Also, I've found that people tend to be far more sensitive to any words that are not glowing about their poetry. Some of it is horrid, and yet I have no basis to offer help. If I were to guess at the number of prose pieces I read a week, I'd have to put them at about 50. I could do many more than that, but I do review to help the reader and it isn't unusual for me to spend an entire evening on one post and my review can exceed a thousand words. That's precisely why it's such a joy to read your novels. They are always scrupulously edited, and you are very good at snagging and holding onto a reader. I read you for the sheer enjoyment of it.
In a good week, I bring in about 40 member dollars and a dozen + pumps. I usually have enough to push my weekly post to the number one position on the page, and that (given my fan-base) produces enough reviews to reach ATB each week. Since I have, for the last year, been writing mostly scripts, I am almost always assured of achieving the number one script for the month, which guarantees me 25 member bucks in my account. That's really not bragging, Laurie. I'm only one of four writers on FS who specializes in scripts, and the only one who consistently promotes it to #1 on the first page. Therefore, Scene 1 and 2 of "Eavesdroppers" are ranked #1 and 2 respectively.
About how much time I spend weekly on FS. First of all, I am retireed (Duh!). I write 2 1/2 hours every morning, study Spanish for 3 hours daily (every day, without exception, for 2 years), and I read/review FS posts for an hour after my afternoon nap and 2 1/2 hours in the evening.
I know ... Too Much Information,
Regards, Laurie,
Jay
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Wow, wow! I'm so excited by this note. This lends important insight as to how I could better manage my time and member dollars here. Thank you so much for your help, Jay. And holy moly, I give Italian 15 minutes a day and thought all this time that was something to brag about. Do you do Spanish on DuoLingo? That's where I am for Italian, and it's like my Sesame Street break after lunch every day. Have a great one, L.
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Congrats on the Italian. Yes, Duolingo. Today will mark my 730th day without missing a lesson (2 years exactly). I'm proud of that, but it's become a near obsession. There are five lessons each day, and I won't leave until I complete all five, or, if I complete two in a row without an error, I'm allowed to "level up" to the next day's lessons. If I do level up, I can get off the site in less than two hours. If I don't, it's not unusual to be living in this Spanish psychosis for up to four hours. It IS madness ... but I'm learning it.
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Wow, I think that's a great habit/hobby to have, though, right? I mean, you COULD be drinking instead, haha! I only do Italian during the week, and that damned owl yells at me all weekend about how I'm messing up my "streak." Hahahaha.
Comment from Bill Schott
Boy, Jay!! This is so tantalizingly crazy as you take the fourth wall and spray paint adorable graffiti on it. This promises to be unique and insightful. So cool!!
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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Boy, Jay!! This is so tantalizingly crazy as you take the fourth wall and spray paint adorable graffiti on it. This promises to be unique and insightful. So cool!!
Comment Written 08-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Bill. Your enthusiasm spills out on me and feels good! Like Lyonochca (Helen) pointed out, though, one must suspend their disbelief since neither FanStory nor the Internet itself existed in 1968. Was I ever red-faced while I struggled to make sure there were no anachronisms, I overlooked the two biggest ones. LOL. Thanks Bill, for the six.
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
I had to read this twice. For, I could not believe that
they have such great talent on this site. You have a writing style of your own. And I think this makes for a great novel. Nevertheless, I look forward to reading more. Keep Writing.
And don't forget to stop by my spot, to enjoy some of my poetry.
Either way, stay connected.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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I had to read this twice. For, I could not believe that
they have such great talent on this site. You have a writing style of your own. And I think this makes for a great novel. Nevertheless, I look forward to reading more. Keep Writing.
And don't forget to stop by my spot, to enjoy some of my poetry.
Either way, stay connected.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2022
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You are so kind. Thank you for reading and for your encouraging words. I shall certainly stop by today and read your poetry. Keep in mind, though, I'm not a poet (though I've written a few I'm rather proud of), and I don't feel all that competent in my reviews of them. Again, thanks!
Comment from GregoryCody
Hey! You named him Gregory!! I love it and am honored!! Haha that is, if you even put the two together. Or I'm that narcissistic. lol.
But wow. I love it. I'm a bit lost but in a GOOD way. I want to read more. I actually read it twice until I got to the notes. Answered my question about Jay being her partner. I didn't get it bc he was young. Thought it was maybe a Harold & Maude kind of situation. :)
Really like the opening.
unilluminated occupants continue to talk and move in pantomime.
old-fashioned nickelodeon hunkers
And the stage directions! It's crazy you know how to do that!!
Great job and very very well deserved.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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Hey! You named him Gregory!! I love it and am honored!! Haha that is, if you even put the two together. Or I'm that narcissistic. lol.
But wow. I love it. I'm a bit lost but in a GOOD way. I want to read more. I actually read it twice until I got to the notes. Answered my question about Jay being her partner. I didn't get it bc he was young. Thought it was maybe a Harold & Maude kind of situation. :)
Really like the opening.
unilluminated occupants continue to talk and move in pantomime.
old-fashioned nickelodeon hunkers
And the stage directions! It's crazy you know how to do that!!
Great job and very very well deserved.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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You inspired the character with your energy and dedication. Don't look too closely for correlation, however. The character inevitably takes off and becomes what he wants to be.
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Haha okay sounds good. I am HONORED. I THOUGHT that but was too embarrassed to say. I also looked Really deeply into. I have read it several times. It's almost eerie in a way and Very intriguing. I like it a lot. Maybe Gregory becomes a famous writer! Or at least gets his book published one day lol.
I genuinely like this one a lot.
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Gregory and Cililla get at each other a bit next scene.
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Oooh. He likes her. Is it a fight or something he would be happy with it. Haha.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
Well, my goodness, if it isn't Cililla Queez! She's back, with a vengeance. I thought her previous role was a (very real) figment of Cornie's imagination. Now, in this scene, she almost seems like Clarence, the second class angel from "It's A Wonderful Life", sent to this hodgepodge of travelers who've been dislocated from all that's normal after their bus became stuck in a snowbank. She seems to concentrate her efforts on Gregory, a writer in Fanstory.
But it's so nice to find Cornie and Jennie in the Diner, too. And married! "What do you know about that, Bert?" Twenty-eight years old, and already married 8 years! And heading off to audition for the "Jackellanders" with his keyboard, and hopefully some success from a tour in England. I thought he would have snuggled into an orchestra or gone solo.
And you even have your grandson there with the old love of your life, Jay Jr and Bett.
I also enjoyed that young lad, Wallace, itching to put nickels in the jukebox to hear his favorite Christmas song by Alvin and the Chipmunks. You know, I have that song recorded on a CD in my Equinox, and I play it every December for my granddaughter, Alyssa, (who lives with us along with her mother, our daughter, Laura). Alyssa loves that song. We listen to the CD all the way to school each morning. (But her favorite song is "Blue Christmas", sung by someone using the voice of Porky Pig.)
Anyway, Jay, I wonder where you're going with this. You set the stage well... I can imagine the blizzard outside. Hopefully, they don't lose power. I can picture the Greyhound in the snowbank, near the abandoned highway. A plow will probably come by soon. But even then, it might not be a good idea to resume their trip until daylight. Love the name of the Diner, too... "Eat-'n-Leave-Happy Diner".
I guess the big question for me is: How is Gregory able to see Cililla Queez? As a Fanstory writer, he only knows about her through you, Jay Squires. Has she somehow become so real to him that now he can see her, too?
Looking forward to the next scene!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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Hi Jay,
Well, my goodness, if it isn't Cililla Queez! She's back, with a vengeance. I thought her previous role was a (very real) figment of Cornie's imagination. Now, in this scene, she almost seems like Clarence, the second class angel from "It's A Wonderful Life", sent to this hodgepodge of travelers who've been dislocated from all that's normal after their bus became stuck in a snowbank. She seems to concentrate her efforts on Gregory, a writer in Fanstory.
But it's so nice to find Cornie and Jennie in the Diner, too. And married! "What do you know about that, Bert?" Twenty-eight years old, and already married 8 years! And heading off to audition for the "Jackellanders" with his keyboard, and hopefully some success from a tour in England. I thought he would have snuggled into an orchestra or gone solo.
And you even have your grandson there with the old love of your life, Jay Jr and Bett.
I also enjoyed that young lad, Wallace, itching to put nickels in the jukebox to hear his favorite Christmas song by Alvin and the Chipmunks. You know, I have that song recorded on a CD in my Equinox, and I play it every December for my granddaughter, Alyssa, (who lives with us along with her mother, our daughter, Laura). Alyssa loves that song. We listen to the CD all the way to school each morning. (But her favorite song is "Blue Christmas", sung by someone using the voice of Porky Pig.)
Anyway, Jay, I wonder where you're going with this. You set the stage well... I can imagine the blizzard outside. Hopefully, they don't lose power. I can picture the Greyhound in the snowbank, near the abandoned highway. A plow will probably come by soon. But even then, it might not be a good idea to resume their trip until daylight. Love the name of the Diner, too... "Eat-'n-Leave-Happy Diner".
I guess the big question for me is: How is Gregory able to see Cililla Queez? As a Fanstory writer, he only knows about her through you, Jay Squires. Has she somehow become so real to him that now he can see her, too?
Looking forward to the next scene!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 06-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Kimbob. Your usual highlighting along with your insights leaves me hanging on every word. So fun. I even caught George Bailey's vocally out-of-tune reference, "What do you know about that, Bert?" Speaking of Clarence, you're the second person to mention that. And he may have been worming around my subconscious mind, but there was no intentional connection; His and George Bailey's parts do get under the skin though around Christmas time. Thank you, Kimbob, for the six stars (I do wish you'd save them. I get enough of them to push up my ranking.) I'd just as soon get your welcomed review and a 5. Bless you my friend.
Jay
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Always my pleasure, Jay. You take script-writing to a new level. I'm looking forward to the snow-weary travelers at the roadside diner. Where's the bus driver in all this? He's got to get his bus un-stuck when the storm subsides. Probably when the Diner gets plowed out. He was wise to get the bus off the road safely when he had the chance. At least the passengers could get into a warm dry place with a cook and a menu.
My wife & I were apprehended by a storm during Christmas around ten years ago. No power for 5 days in Grand Bay! We lit the woodstove, and slept on a mattress right next to it. One morning, we got dressed and drove into West Saint John, for breakfast at our special diner, AJ's Family Restaurant. We just had to have a hot meal and some coffee! The tables were all filled, and we stood there like two tired rats. An old couple from down-shore (towards St. Stephen way) took pity on us, and invited us to dine at their table. What a nice old couple! We chatted away, and really enjoyed our first hot meal in days. I won't ever forget that.She had some teeth missing, and he had more stubble than me. They had also been suffering without power.
We're in for a winter "bomb" (as the weather people are calling it) this afternoon and tonight. They are saying 1-2 feet of snow. That's way more than we've had so far this winter. Perhaps it will stay. So far, this winter has only teased us... 2 or 3 inches of snow, and then rain and mild temps. Right now, as I look out my den window, there's absolutely no snow on the ground. Great for the deer though. There was a big buck in Carvell's Field yesterday.
Anyway, looking forward to Scene 2, Jay!
All the Best!
Kimbob
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I do mention the bus driver in scene two (I believe). Like the captain on a sinking ship, he stayed with the Greyhound. It's all explained next scene.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I'm so glad that you've brought back Cililia, Jennie and Cornelius. This is a light-hearted Scene 1. I can't believe your grandson is in the play, too.
You even have a Fanstory character. Is he Tom? He is the only one who gets paid.
Exceptionally done.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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I'm so glad that you've brought back Cililia, Jennie and Cornelius. This is a light-hearted Scene 1. I can't believe your grandson is in the play, too.
You even have a Fanstory character. Is he Tom? He is the only one who gets paid.
Exceptionally done.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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Tom gets paid in real money ... and tons of it, I'm sure. Gregory, in my script, gets paid as you and I do ... in funny money. Hey, Thanks so much for the review. I needed it. You needn't have given me six stars, but ohhhhh, how it makes me smile! Thank you, Lisa.
Comment from amahra
Wow, this play is deep, Jay. I'm happy to see Cornelius and Jenny are married and doing well. And I love "Eat-'n-leave-happy diner" as a restaurant name. Really cool name, Jay. I see Cilillia has been given another assignment. Now Gregory is Cilillia's new assignment. Ok.
But I'm a bit confused. (Don't mean it's your fault.) Eavesdropper is a reader/writer on FanStory and he's invisible except to Cilillia? We are all invisible to each other on FanStory except seeing a profile photo. (Dumb me, I don't get it.) Another I don't get is....if you acknowledge that Gregory knows Cornelius, Jenny, and Cilillia as just characters from a FanStory play, how can we as readers lose ourselves in this play if we're reminded that Cilillia is only a character from another play? But, with all of my confusion, I'm still interested in the further reading of this play.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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Wow, this play is deep, Jay. I'm happy to see Cornelius and Jenny are married and doing well. And I love "Eat-'n-leave-happy diner" as a restaurant name. Really cool name, Jay. I see Cilillia has been given another assignment. Now Gregory is Cilillia's new assignment. Ok.
But I'm a bit confused. (Don't mean it's your fault.) Eavesdropper is a reader/writer on FanStory and he's invisible except to Cilillia? We are all invisible to each other on FanStory except seeing a profile photo. (Dumb me, I don't get it.) Another I don't get is....if you acknowledge that Gregory knows Cornelius, Jenny, and Cilillia as just characters from a FanStory play, how can we as readers lose ourselves in this play if we're reminded that Cilillia is only a character from another play? But, with all of my confusion, I'm still interested in the further reading of this play.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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Hahahahaha! You're taking this deeper than I intended. Nothing dumb about your questions. But if you keep digging for an answer, you'll be psychotic. It doesn't hang together on that level.
If you want to be confused, ask me, as Lyenochca did, how they had FanStory (twenty-one years old) and the internet in 1968. She said she's willing to suspend her disbelief, but my face is beet-red over that gaff! Please keep reading, Amahra! Your six stars lifts my spirits!
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Exceptional piece my friend! I love the way the characters bounce off one another and the storyline is captivating and held my attention throughout the entire piece! The presentation is spot on!
Thanxxxxx for sharing this well written piece with us and many blessings to you this New Year;-)
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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Exceptional piece my friend! I love the way the characters bounce off one another and the storyline is captivating and held my attention throughout the entire piece! The presentation is spot on!
Thanxxxxx for sharing this well written piece with us and many blessings to you this New Year;-)
Comment Written 05-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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Ahhh, Melodie, you are soooooo sweet. Thank you for reading and for your kind words, and lovely six stars.
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;-)
Comment from estory
I thought this was interesting. I liked this idea of stumbling on a story, a haphazard collection of individuals brought together impromptu. It's like eavesdropping on life. I thought you portrayed the somewhat alloof writer, or eavesdropper very well. He seems a bit unwilling, but also compelled at the same time. Stage directions were highly detailed and there was a nice polish on this piece; deffinitely above average. It's a little focused on one or two characters, a bit of a tight focus. But this is the first scene, so we'll have to see where this goes from here. But an interesting concept. estory
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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I thought this was interesting. I liked this idea of stumbling on a story, a haphazard collection of individuals brought together impromptu. It's like eavesdropping on life. I thought you portrayed the somewhat alloof writer, or eavesdropper very well. He seems a bit unwilling, but also compelled at the same time. Stage directions were highly detailed and there was a nice polish on this piece; deffinitely above average. It's a little focused on one or two characters, a bit of a tight focus. But this is the first scene, so we'll have to see where this goes from here. But an interesting concept. estory
Comment Written 05-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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You are very astute in your review, Estory! Thank you so much for your kind words and for digging so deeply into the meta story. The other tablesful of characters are there to be explored and exploited in subsequent scenes. May I expect you there?
Comment from The Journaler
Very interesting story line here. Reminds me of that movie about people on a cruise ship. You have set it up so that we want to see what really happens to the characters. You have done a great job of this, and it is fascinating how you wove Fan Story into it.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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Very interesting story line here. Reminds me of that movie about people on a cruise ship. You have set it up so that we want to see what really happens to the characters. You have done a great job of this, and it is fascinating how you wove Fan Story into it.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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Thank you, my friend, for reading it. The cruiseship sails again next Saturday. Hope to see you on it.
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You are welcome. I will try to look for it.