Background
At this point in time my father has disappeared from my life. I no longer ask for him, or about him. The brainwashing and mind control has already erased any positive feeling or memory I may have had.
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As a little girl of seven I was already a victim of emotional abuse and became very compliant and eager to please. I knew nothing about my human rights so quickly learnt life’s lessons to protect myself from physical abuse. My parents had fought constantly for a very long time. From before birth I was exposed to anger and violence. Suddenly I was wrenched away from all contact with my father and didn't know why. Soon my world grew even darker.
“Where’s daddy?” I'd ask.
“Your father is a bad man and we can’t live with him anymore,” my mother replied.
Soon my mother moved the family out of town to a small acreage farm and her “friend” moved in. My siblings and I became like worker bees to do the queen bee's bidding. We were to be “seen but not heard’ at all times. At this point I lost my mother as well. My mother was medicated for stress and nervousness and played little part in my life from this point.
I became a quiet, lonely child with nothing and no-one to really care. School was just somewhere I must go. A miracle from God placed me as a student at a Catholic private school. Although I had friends they were only friends in the confines of a school environment. I had no other contact with the outside world except for Sunday mass.
One day it was announced that for school open day the class would be having a concert. My class would perform a maypole dance. I was so excited and when I told my mother a small spark of caring was lit.
As a child of poverty I had never seen or owned a new dress. When my mother offered to sew a pretty new dress for me I was so elated. My mother wasn't a capable dressmaker, and in fact hadn’t sewn before. This didn’t dissuade her and she chose a pretty pale blue material with little white kittens on it.
Mother used an old treadle singer sewing machine and soon the dress was finished. My eyes gleamed with anticipation as the concert day arrived. My mother and an older brother attended and I proudly performed in the maypole dance.
Some people pointed and laughed behind their open hands but I was oblivious to them and to the giggles from the other children. That day I felt proud and almost an equal. Though...
Mother tried so hard
Sewed darts on outside of dress
Child’s self esteem lost
