FanStory.com - The Devil Fights Back

Recap of Chapter 10: Fran’s suspension from the FBI is lifted, and instead of being punished, her forgiving boss arranges a videoconference with the FBI Director, who puts her in charge of a mission to stop the spread of Dipraxa.

Fran attends the christening of Brian and Julia’s son, Johnny, and is made the godmother in addition to Johnny’s aunt. Back at the house, she meets Marie for the first time.

At Johnny’s request, Julia joins her fellow band members in an impromptu concert of bluegrass music. After the concert, Fran pulls Brian aside to share the news that Dipraxa has reached the public. Brian is aghast. Fran asks him if he could possibly devise a method to render the drug ineffective, despite its current production by the Chinese. Brian agrees to consider this seemingly impossible idea.

Chapter 11

Marie

It was 7:30, and the christening party ended about half an hour ago. I was attempting to recover my sanity with a drink in the family room when Julia came in with the baby in her arms.

“Mother, I’m going to nurse Johnny and put him to bed. Then I’ll come down again, and perhaps we can have a talk?”

“He’s 10 months old now, and you’re still nursing him?”

“Yes. We both enjoy it. We’ll probably keep it up for a couple more months.”

Johnny seemed to be pawing at her breast and whimpering a little. I flicked my hand a couple of times towards the stairs and said, “Whatever.”

To say that I was unnerved now would be the understatement of the millennium. Who the hell is this lactating, banjo- and fiddle-playing hick living out in Podunk, North Carolina, and what has she done with my daughter? Surely, she couldn’t be the virtuoso violinist I spent years of my life training. A banjo? A fiddle? Is that her Joseph White violin she’s playing like a fucking fiddle?

And these hillbillies she associates with now! I felt like kneeing him in the nuts when that big Jethro gave me a hug.

The rest of the folks seemed normal enough, although Brian’s sister was rather imposing-looking, standing a head taller than me. She was taller than her husband too, and she looked like the only one with any balls in this place. Note to self: Don’t cross that one.

I have to admit that talking to Brian and finding out what he really made down in that lab of his was an eye-opening experience. Maybe I really have misjudged him all these years. Probably not, but maybe. It will take a lot more convincing, though, for me to change my mind about him. I no longer recognize my own daughter because of him. I think Julia’s and my rift became inevitable as soon as he came into the picture.

And then there was Johnny. Meeting him was the most unnerving aspect of the afternoon. Kids and I don’t mix well together. I’ve been to parties for orchestra members and their families, and I couldn’t stand all the noise and shenanigans of the kids who were there. I can identify with The Grinch.

I know I wasn’t an endearing mother to Julia when she was growing up. I suppose I loved her, but I can’t remember ever saying it to her. But there was something different about seeing little Johnny. I don’t know if it was love I was feeling; I’m not sure I even know what that feels like. But it was certainly different from anything I’ve felt towards anyone before. Maybe my heart grew one size today when I heard him say, “Ga-ga” while looking directly at me.

Brian has been in and out, carrying platters of food and dirty dishes back to the kitchen. I probably should have been helping him rather than just sitting here drinking, so I got up and returned one empty platter to the kitchen. Besides, I needed a refill on my drink.

Brian was putting dishes in the dishwasher, and I handed him the empty platter.

“Thanks, Marie.”

“So, how long until Julia gives up this hillbilly nonsense and returns to touring?”

Brian paused a moment before answering. “Let me ask you; didn’t she look happy up there playing? She thoroughly enjoys it. She thoroughly enjoys classical violin too, but touring was becoming very wearing on her. We wanted to start a family, and the timing seemed right for it. You can ask her more about it.

“I know this seems like a very different life to you, and it is, but we’re happy here. We have some friends. We’ve even joined a couples bowling league. Julia has gotten pretty good at it too and actually rolled a 192 last week.”

“I have no idea what that even means. I’ve never fully understood that girl, especially how she became a drug addict.”

“When you talk to her, why don’t you ask her about that? It may help explain some things if you understood that better.”

Julia came into the kitchen right then. “Johnny’s down now. He missed his nap this afternoon, and he was exhausted. We probably won’t hear a peep out of him until the morning. Mother, I’m so glad you decided to come. I know it was hard for you, but I really wanted you to meet your grandson.”

“Julia, let’s cut the shit and go in and talk and get this over with. I came down for one reason, and the only way we can move forward from here is to hear you say the magic words.”

I saw her give Brian a doleful look, and he gestured to her by putting the back of his fingers beneath his chin and raising it up.

I splashed some more vodka into my glass, picked it up, headed back to the family room, and sat on the sofa. Julia had followed me in and sat on an armchair facing me on the other side of the coffee table between us—the one with those ridiculous-looking bumpers on the corners. I waited for her to start to see what tack I would take.

“Mother, I’ve replayed that scene in my head many times over the years, and I wish it had never happened the way it did. I’d like to discuss it with you if you’re willing. I think if we can understand exactly why we said what we said to each other, maybe we can begin to repair what’s kept us apart for so long. Can we try to talk about it civilly so that maybe we can each see it from the other’s point of view?”

“That’s a tall order, but I’ll try. Here’s how I saw it, Julia. I had just been accepted into the NY Phil, and I needed to start right away, but the apartment I’d leased wouldn’t be ready for two weeks. I needed a place to stay for those two weeks, and hotels cost a frickin’ fortune, so I asked my own daughter if I could stay with her. I could tell you didn’t want me to, but you reluctantly agreed.”

“That much is true; I didn’t want you to. I could predict exactly how it would be, and I wasn’t wrong.”

“Yes, well, you needed help on that concerto. Tchaikovsky’s Concerto in D is one of the toughest violin concertos you could have been asked to play. You were floundering.”

“I wasn’t floundering; I was working it out. It was difficult, but my teacher was happy with how it was going and how I was interpreting it. It was a little different, but he liked it, and so did I. And then you came along and started tearing it apart and telling me everything I was doing was wrong. It wasn’t wrong; it was just different.”

“It was wrong, Julia. It wasn’t at all how it’s supposed to be played.”

“How do you know, Mother? Could you channel old Pyotr somehow? Just because it was different from what you were accustomed to didn’t make it wrong. It was my interpretation of it, and my teacher was fully supportive.”

“So, you call that drug addict boyfriend of yours to come rescue you from the evil witch who’s actually trying to help you, and when he comes, the two of you say you’re leaving together.”

“Mother, I wish you’d stop calling Brian my ‘drug addict boyfriend.’ That isn’t fair. I had told you a number of times the only reason he got into taking opioids was because he was in extreme pain, and it was impossible for him not to become addicted.”

“Is that so? What was your excuse then? You weren’t in pain.”

“I was in a different kind of pain. It’s called anxiety. I told you how I got started back then. It was to be able to get through an audition. I was a nervous wreck every time I had to audition or enter a competition. I felt such pressure to perform well, and that if I didn’t, you would think I was a failure. You rode me so hard, and I always felt like I would be letting you down if I didn’t win every audition or competition.”

“But you took those damn pills even when you weren’t competing. The night you overdosed, we were just celebrating your father’s 50th birthday. Where was the pressure in that?”

“By that time, I was psychologically addicted to those pills. They helped me relax around you two. I always used to feel so uptight around you. Everything was serious all the time, and you and Dad fought constantly. I had to tiptoe around you. We never did any fun things together either. I got hooked on those pills so I could escape all that seriousness and ill will for a while.”

“Look, Julia, forget about all that now. I rode you so hard because I knew how good you were. If I’m honest about it, you were better than me. Maybe not technically yet, but I could tell you had the potential to be if you were trained right. You were such a natural and picked things up so quickly. It seemed to come so easily to you, and it was never like that for me. I knew you would be one of the great ones. That’s why I pushed you.”

I just paid her the highest compliment, and she had such a sad look on her face.

“Don’t you think you could have, maybe even once, told me that? I never knew that’s how you felt. I always thought I was a disappointment to you.”

I saw tears begin to stream down her face.

“Did you even love me, Mother? When you looked at me, did you see me or just someone who you could mold into an extension of yourself?”

I had to think about this for a moment. I took a big swig of my drink and repositioned myself on the sofa while I collected my thoughts. I guess we had now come to the crux of the matter.

“To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t know. I’m not sure what love is exactly. I never felt anything of the kind from my mother. She used to ride me as hard as I rode you. At least I never berated you and told you how awful you played and what a talentless slacker you were. You can thank me for that.”

There was a long pause before Julia resumed. “Mother, can you understand now why I called Brian? I was completely distraught. I didn’t ask him to come to New York; I pleaded with him not to. But he was worried about me. I said half-jokingly that I felt like taking Seconal because I was so uptight, and that’s when he decided on his own to take off from school and come be with me. He’s always been like that. He truly loves me, Mother, and he expresses it in so many ways.

“I know you think he has corrupted me and turned me against you, but that was never his intention. He was just being himself, and I loved the way he was… and is. He freed me from a life of all violin, all the time. I loved playing the violin, but I also hated it for all the bad feelings that accompanied it. We have been good for each other and picked each other up whenever we were down. And when you insulted him and threatened me if I left with him, that’s when I lost it.”

“Yes, you certainly did. You cursed me out and stormed out of there. I think you owe me an apology for that.”

She gave me a withering look. “I won’t apologize for that unless you apologize for the nasty things you said to Brian and what you tried to do to us. You wanted to break us up, and you thought by threatening to stop paying for any more of my education, that’s all it would take. Well, I decided I didn’t need your money. You weren’t going to take away the best thing in my life—the thing that meant more to me than the violin. I couldn’t bear the thought, and that’s why I cursed you out and left.”

There it was. But I wasn’t apologizing for what I’d said. I was convinced that boy was going to destroy her life. I was only looking out for her. Can anyone blame me for that?

“I guess we’re at an impasse then.”