FanStory.com - The View from the Rocking Chairby Terry Broxson

"Grandpa, why are you so old?"

"It is a requirement for Social Security."

"Why do you go to the doctor so much?"

"They will not come to me."

"Why do you eat dinner so early?"

"I am afraid they will run out of food."

"Why do you play the TV so loud?"

"It keeps me awake till bedtime."

***

"Emmy Lou, did you hear the guy in number 501 got a thirty-day prescription for Cialis and Viagra?"

"Yes, Cora, I did. He is such a jerk. He posted a reservation sheet on the bulletin board in the dining room."

"I know there are thirty-time slots available."

"There were. I saw you signed up for three."

"Yep, I got the first three, don't bother to sign up for any. He ain't gonna make it past three."

"Okay, but I got dibs on the fella in 612. I hear he sees his doctor next week."

***

"Grandpa, I am curious. What do old men think about?"

"Evie, those who can still think are thinking about a girl."

"Grandpa, that sounds a little creepy."

"No, it isn't creepy. We remember a beautiful young girl. Who turned into a beautiful lady. We remember how we grew old together. We remember how much love we had. We remember how much we miss her."

"Grandpa, I hope someone loves me as much as you loved grandma."

***

"Grandpa, where do babies come from?"

"As I recall, your mother came from Boone's Farm Apple Wine."

"Grandpa, how did that happen?"

"Those are details you need to ask your grandmother."

"Okay, GRANDMA!"

***

"Charlie, what are you thinking?"

"I'm trying to remember the words to that song."

"What song?"

"Wooly Bully."

"Ah, the number one song of 1965, by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs."

"It was something about don't be L7."

"Yeah, it meant don't be square; learn to dance—Wooly Bully!"

"Now, I remember, dancing was important, not the words."

***

"So, Bill, what are you going to do today?"

"I am busy, busy, busy. I already had breakfast, so a fourth of the day is shot. Then there is lunch and dinner, and somewhere I got to work in a nap before I go to bed. It's just one thing after another."

***

"Karen, what do you think is the worst thing about being old?"

"Sarah, it is transitioning from having people depending on me to me depending on people."

***

"Lyda, do you think you will run out of money before you run out of time?"

"It is going to be nip and tuck. The last check from my account to the funeral home will bounce."

***

"Sam, do you remember that country song, 'Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places?"'

"Oh sure, Johnny Lee sang it in the movie "Urban Cowboy."

"How do I find all those wrong places?"

"Buddy, don't bother; even if you found them, you won't remember why you are there or how to get back."

***

"Larry, how many pills are you taking a day?"

"My doctor prescribed my first pill when I turned forty. The doc has added a new pill each year. I now take thirty-seven. They are my stay-alive pills."

"Well, they work."

"They do, but there are side effects."

"Like what?

"Gaining weight is the biggest problem. I have to take twenty-eight pills with food. I eat all day and half of the night."

***

"Grandpa, I have never heard you argue with grandma."

"Long ago, before you were born, I would. She used to ask me what I thought about something. Now she just tells me."

***