Dear God,
Today didn't turn out the way I expected at all. Of course, Satan jumped right in and began berating me -- reminding me of my past failures as a mother. I remembered who I am, the child of a King, and reminded him of his future, but dear Father, the truth is, my heart is broken tonight. I do feel like a failure as a mother. Watching my son get arrested this afternoon, trying to ignore him tapping on my car window begging me not to press charges, remembering how he threatened me, and then jerked my car into park while I was driving down the road, watching the flashing lights and the tow truck hauling away my ruined car ... it all blurs from there. Father, I wanted him to be okay. I wanted to help him so I let him come back into our home, hoping love would be enough to keep him away from the drugs and the destitution he was heading for. It didn't work, Lord. It didn't work. Two months after being released from jail, so full of promises to change, eager to get a job and start life fresh, the drugs slithered in and bound him once more, squeezing life's promise out of him like a giant anaconda in a dark jungle.

Father, you have blessed me so much in my life. You allowed me to borrow five precious souls from you to raise in this life, and four of them are doing so well. Yet, it's the one who isn't who tears my heart apart with grief. Is this what You meant for Jesus to explain in those parables of the lost sheep -- how a shepherd will leave ninety-nine to search for the one lost? Or the story of the prodigal son -- I feel as though they give us a glimpse into the pain You feel, Father. You give us everything we need, and yet, we fail You, curse You, and walk away from every good thing You give us, to wallow in the filth of this world. I have made so many mistakes as a mother. Please forgive me for that.

Father, You have promised to bind the wounds of the broken-hearted. Please help me tonight. I ache for my son, so lost. I can't help him, Father, and it took the events of this day for me to finally understand that, but You can. You can, Father. Please, Lord, in Jesus name I ask you. Please save my son. Please heal his heart, heal his mind and his body, and bring him into Your arms where he will finally be set free from this terrible meth addiction. I'm begging you, Father God. Please, please save my little boy in that twenty-year-old man's body. He needs you so badly. 
Your daughter,
Jan



Dearest Jan,
Did you think I didn't already know about the mistakes you would make when I CHOSE you for this job? I'm crying with you. My heart is also broken, for I love him even more than you do. Don't despair, little one. One day soon, he will be safe in My arms once more. I'm not giving up on him, or you. 
All my love,
Your Father, 
God.