His Silence - Chapter 29

It’s half past twelve. Oliver said lunch would be served at one, my stomach groans. I couldn’t eat anything this morning, the anxiety flittering in my belly destroyed my appetite. I pick up my phone, shove it into my pocket and run my hand through my hair. What will Callum be doing? It’s surprising he hasn’t contacted me. I pad across to the bedroom door, the floorboards creaking, and stop, my heart jumping in my chest. Someone’s knocking on my door. I wrench it open, expecting to see Oliver standing there, my chest tight. It’s Mary. She’s wearing the same clothing she was the last time I saw her; white trousers and a white top. There’s a glint of gold in the lobe of her ears, I didn’t notice the earrings when I first met her. She might’ve been the person who pulled the living room door shut, when we passed it earlier. Were they talking about Callum and me? They must’ve been.

‘Danielle, I was hoping to find you. Do you mind if we go for a quick walk before lunch?’ she asks, her voice bright.

She’s staring at me expectantly, waiting for my answer. I don’t want to go with her, I want to see Callum. I pinch at the soft fabric of my top and rub it between my fingers.

‘Yep, OK,’ I say. ‘I was just leaving to find Callum actually.’

Did Mary stiffen? The corner of my mouth twitches. I try to ignore the alarm bells flashing in my mind. What does she want to talk to me about it. My eyes flicker over the star shaped medal in her pocket.

‘Good, we’ll go for a walk down the path, outside the house, we’ll only be ten minutes. It’ll be good to get you on my own for a while.’

Mary clutches my arm and half pulls me out of my bedroom. I get a whiff of honey again, which makes me want to cough, I try my best not to. I push my bedroom door shut and we stried out of the annexe, I breathe in the cool air. Abraham, the man who spoke to me in the kitchen the last time I was here, is in the garden. He’s wearing the same clothing as Mary. He’s tending to what looks like a vegetable patch by the side of the house, underneath one of the barn windows. There’s a spade in his right hand covered in mud. He glances across at me, and smiles. I look away, remembering what he told me about him being in prison before he came here, my cheeks tingling.

‘Mary, d’you mind me asking why everyone here, apart from Oliver, wears the same clothing?’ I ask.

‘Oh, it’s tradition, dear,’ she says patting my arm. ‘We’ve been here for more than twenty years now, most of us, anyway. Eve’s the only fairly new person here. I’ll introduce you to her later. I think Oliver may have told you about her the last time you came here. Wearing the same clothing gives us a real sense of community; it makes us feel as though we’re a part of something.’ I get the sense she’s not told me the real reason why. Is it something Oliver insists? We stride round the side of the house, my shoes squelching in the soft grass and onto the driveway. A sharp, salty breeze stings my cheeks, carrying with it the stench of the marshes. I rub my eyes. I suppose it’s something I’ll get used to. ‘Now, I wanted to ask you how much Oliver explained to you about our community here.’

‘He’s told me a little bit,’ I reply, thinking back to our first conversation more than a week ago now.

My shoe slaps into a puddle sending a grubby stain up the leg. Shoot. Mary continues to pull me in the direction of the main gate. Long blades of grass flatten under my feet.

‘Well, as you may have noticed, we have, near enough, an even number of men and women here. Most of the people, who you’ll gradually get to know, over the course of the coming days, were lost souls when they came to us, unsure of what they wanted to do with their lives. Once they arrived here we put them on the right path, we made them see what their true potential was, and helped guide them towards their forever partner. That’s what Oliver promises: true love, acceptance, peace, and family. We’re a family here, Danielle, that’s the most important thing above all. We sometimes have people stay with us for a few days like you did a week ago, we advertise our services in town and some people feel compelled to take us up on our offer. Of course, anyone who uses this particular service pays for this.’

I frown at Mary. She’s making this place sound like some sort of match making centre. Is that was this place is? ‘So, everyone here is paired up?’ I ask. I try to remember everyone I saw at dinner last time I was here. There were a couple of people, who I thought back then, who might’ve been partners.

‘Well, most of us, dear. What Oliver teaches, is that we have one true soul partner in this world, I . . . I did have mine, but he, um, he died.’ There’s a tremor in her voice, she clutches the medal in her pocket. ‘And I . . . I haven’t felt strong enough to try and find love again, Oliver understands that.’

She stops, her grip on my arm tightening. ‘I’m sorry,’ I say.

She shakes her head. ‘It’s been a while now, but every time I think of what happened, it hits me like a sledgehammer. Anyway, like I was saying, of course, you were born here all those years ago, but some other force, greater than ourselves, guided you back to us. You must feel as though you’re at home here, don’t you?’ She says the last part of her sentence with so much force it’s like she wants me to believe what she’s saying.

‘Um.’ A man and a woman are standing outside the front of the house, holding hands, talking to each other, their heads almost touching. It’s the woman with red hair, and the man with the tattoo on his neck. Even Emma and Michael don’t hold hands like that. Well, I never see them do it. It’s like they’re putting on a show for me. ‘Well, it hasn’t even been a day yet, but I’m sure, with time, it’ll feel like home.’

We stop walking. Mary’s staring at the marshland over the hedges to my left. My eyes snake around the little channels of water and the dark grey mud. It makes this place feel like we’re at the very end of the earth. Ahead of us is the imposing white gate, now shut. It looks fairly new though. Has the community always been gated? An image of my parents escaping this place filters into my mind. They’re trying to be as quiet as they can while they bundle themselves into Ian’s car. How many people have accidentally stumbled across this place while out walking?

‘If you follow everything Oliver teaches us, you’ll feel as though you’ve reached eternity, I promise you that,’ she says. ‘There are exercises which you will be asked to practise, and when you start to do them, you’ll find your forever partner isn’t so far out of reach.’

I shake my head. ‘I’m not sure I’m ready to settle down with anyone yet.’ I think of Callum and my heart rate accelerates.

Mary smiles. ‘Oh, believe me, dear; I felt the same as you did when I was your age, nearly fifty years ago now. I was so certain of what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to study medicine. When I was younger than you are now I dreamed of becoming a midwife, but sometimes you don’t get to choose what path your life takes you on.’ Her eyes turn misty, like she’s lost in a memory.

‘Right,’ I say, somethinbg squirming in my belly. I want to go back to the house. I want to find Callum, but Mary’s still holding my arm. ‘Mary, were you close to my parents when they lived here?’

A wide smile breaks across her lips. ‘Oh yes, we got on so well, particularly your mother and I, she had everything going for her, but she chose to . . . anyway, I’m rambling on. But yes, I just wanted to explain a little about what we do here, but Oliver will give a more detailed overview at lunch, I’m so proud of what he’s achieved here.’ She’s talking about Oliver almost like she’s a cooing mother. There are even tears in her eyes. ‘So, you and Callum, the pair of you are very close, are you and he?’ She breaks off, as though she’s not sure what to say next.

‘If you’re asking if we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, no, Callum’s more like a brother to me,’ I say, my cheeks burning. I decide to leave out that I hope we might, one day, mean something more to each other.

I think about the time Callum asked me to the leaver’s do at school.

‘As friends, yep?’ I’d said to him.

There’d been a slight pause before he’d replied. ‘Yeah of course.’ He’d tried so hard to keep the disappointment out of his voice, but it had still slipped through, making me hate myself. But we can only be friends.

‘Oh, it’s just you seem very close, I just thought . . . never mind, it was just my imagination going into overdrive, something I’ve never got under control. I understand he lost his mother.’

I raise an eyebrow. She must’ve had a conversation with Callum before coming to see me. I’m surprised he’s even told her about his mum so soon. How the hell did she manage to get that out of him?

‘Yep, he did, when he was six,’ I reply.

She shakes her head. ‘It’s so horrible, losing someone you love, believe me I have . . . I have experience of that, I can see why you’ve been such good friends. Shall we take a mooch back then, dear? I’m sure you must be hungry, I am too,’ Mary replies, her voice croaking.

I nod. She wanted to say something to me a few moments ago, but chose not to. Something about my parents? I search her face for any sign of nervousness or anxiety. There's nothing.

We turn around. The couple who were standing outside the house a moment ago have disappeared.